Ok.. first post. I dont think I would have stubblued across this if it wasnt in Marietta's journal. And I also dont think I would have joined... if I didnt have something to say ryte away.. I mean.. I cant post it in my own journal.. because of the people that read it... and I dont want to hurt them. Theres a chance they may stubble upon this and read it.. but they are bound to find out sooner or later. So I suppose it doesnt matter.
There's this kid Jeff.. and Ive known him since he was in fifth grade and I was in fourth. And Ive always kinda had a crush on him. But every little girl has a crush on someone older. Then when he went to sixth grade and I went to fifth.. he went out with my sister.. who was in seventh grade. So he was at the house alot more.. and I always kinda had a lil crush on him then to.. but then they broke up.. the end. No more. And I didnt talk to him.. and I didnt see him. Then this year. Im in eight grade.. and hes in ninth. I started hanging out with Chris, who is best friends with Jeff.. so ofcourse I hung out with Jeff to. Alot. We hung out like 4 out of seven days.. so I liked him. Alot. Especially when Im stoned. I smoke with them all the time. And my attraction to Jeff is different when Im stoned or on drugs. Its.. stronger. We hooked up.. once.. and whenever Im with him and Chris.. me and Jeff are usually relatively close to eachother. I can remember this one time I was so gone.. and I was just laying on him.. so yeah, we hooked up. I liked him soo much more. And then like.. we stopped hanging out. I dont kno why. I mean I still talked to Chris and everything but we werent hanging out as much. Then I found out that he liked me from like a buncha different people. And he knew that I liked him too. So we liked eachother. Then he went to Mike's house one night for a party.. we hung out alil but not really. I was so drunk and he was just watching me do stupid things and laughing at me. :o[. We have that kinda bond lol. And then I didnt see him for awhile. So.. all the feelings I had for him.. pushed aside. I met Kyle. And I talked to him alot.. All the time. And I started to like him and he started to like me. So we liked eachother. Talked all the time and so on and so on. And then.. Saturday, I went to a huge party at Breakie's. Jeff was there. Not good. I hung out with him. We were all near eachother.. acting like we like eachother. It always happens.. and yeah, I do like him. I like him all the time when I see him and I cant help it. I seriously cant. So yeah.. then the cops came.. and everyone just ran in different directions.. Jeff ended up with Jizman. *Jasmine*.. and I ended up by myself.. for 45 minutes.. int he fucking woods.. in the dark. Not cool. Then I found Lexi.. and then I found Jeff.. along with Jizman. And from that moment on.. Jeff was around Jizman.. all the time. You could totally tell that he wanted her. And there goes my night. There goes my heart. Gone. It killed it. And I dont kno why. I dont kno why I care. The drugs I was on.. could have had an effect on the way I react to shyt.. that happens when Im on that shyt... but I just dont kno what to do. The only thing I can do.. is stop hanging out with him.. and I cant even do that.. I dont have the will power to do that. And I dont wanna hurt Kyle. He's my best friend and on top of that.. I have feelings for him. And I also dont wanna ruin my friendship with Kyle with a relationship.. because the friendship means everything to me. And I literally mean like everything. But I cant help liking Jeff. All the time. Its there. This lil spark in my heart.. thats always lit.. and when I see him.. it just burns and burns and burns. And eventually it hurts. :o/. And I dont kno what to do. Im so lost. And Im so confused. And I just wish I knew what to do..
sorry for babbling. I just needed to get that out.