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i had a brother once, he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk and i don't know what his name was, but my mother does i heard her say it once. padriac my prince i have all but died from the sheer weight of my shame. you cried but no one came and the water filled your tiny lungs. appear, my dear, and cry for me. it was six years ago today that we laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too.
and so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself. another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning. so i close the door and rest my head on the tile floor, sickness and sleep turning me cold.
i am still not sure, is there some better place i could be heading towards? where the selfishly sick and self absorbed are welcome.
i saw the future once. i was drunk in a phone booth. my eyes were wet and red but i could not tell what was said and through the screams of the traffic voices carried saying 'i am sorry'
on a day so gray its black inside watching churches on tv. in a coma you don't dream you just hope that someone sits with you. babies turn blue when they are ignored like the sky on summer days before you turn and walk away it has changed you.
so tonight to compensate i will poison myself another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
-padraic my prince, bright eyes
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Thursday, July 20th, 2006
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eskimo joe - car crash (a song is a city)
I don't wanna die
In a car crash with you
Tonight
Tonight
The roads are wet
And you're asleep at the wheel
Open your eyes
Open your eyes
Can't you try and wait
Till I'm wide awak
Or will it never come
And if it was a dream
Did you hear me scream
While you watched me sleep
The nighttime roads
Feel like we're floating away
Keep me safe
Kepp me safe
And if we make it home
Then I will know
I'm still asleep
Still asleep
Can't you try and wait
Till I'm wide awake
Or will it never come
And if it was a dream
Did you hear me scream
While you watched me sleep
I'm almost home
I can't make it on my own
Almost home
Baby don't go
Out on the roads
Tonight
I had a terrible dream
But it was only a dream
So don't worry about me
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the martyr, cursive (cursive's domestica)
And so it's begun
This is year one
The birth of a child in the form of a man
Wrapped in towel
Passed out on the floor
These drunken hours -- graces deflowered
Cast down by an angel
She used to kiss his weeping eyes
Depressed in her bosom
Tears roll off her nipple
Sweet baby, don't cry...
Your tears are only alibis
To prove you still feel --
You only feel sorry for yourself
Well, get on that cross
That's all you're good for...
And thusly it ends
Depression seeps in on a lonely messiah
Now he drinks with the lepers
Losing a limb, his better half
A glass once half full
A head hung half-mast
He claims he's the victim
Strangled by the nine-to-five
And a pattern of stillness
That haunted this still life
Your tears are only alibis
To prove you still feel
You only feel sorry for yourself
And that's how you thrive
Your sorrow's your goldmine
So write some sad song about me
Screaming your agonies, playing the saint
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
The Martyr...
Oh....
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Monday, January 9th, 2006
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This is why events unnerve me,
They find it all, a different story,
Notice whom for wheels are turning,
Turn again and turn towards this time,
All she ask's the strength to hold me,
Then again the same old story,
Word will travel, oh so quickly,
Travel first and lean towards this time.
Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time,
Watching her, these things she said,
The times she cried,
Too frail to wake this time.
Oh, I'll break them down, no mercy shown,
Heaven knows, it's got to be this time,
Avenues all lined with trees,
Picture me and then you start watching,
Watching forever, forever,
Watching love grow, forever,
Letting me know, forever.
ceremony, joy division
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Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
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I remember thinking murder in the car
Watching dogs somersault through sprinklers on tiny lawns
I remember the graffiti
We are your children coming in with spray cans of paint
I remember the sunsets and the plains of cement
And the way the night just seemed to turn the colour of orangeade
In this town, cellular phones are hot with teens
In this town, we all go to terminal pubs
It helps us sweat out those angry bits of life
From this town, the English army grind their teeth into glass
You know you'll get a kicking tonight
The smell of puke and piss
The smell of puke and piss on your stilettos
Here comes that panic attack
My heart stops... and then it starts
Give me a drink
I'll drink your round
I take you round the pole
It's cold up here (I see the universe waiting by a minibus)
You'll catch the flu
Or you'll catch the city
Either way, you'll catch the flu
Or you'll catch the city
essex dogs - blur
i still love this community
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
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Interpol - The Specialist
you make me lose my buttons oh yeah you make me spit
I don’t like my clothes anymore
we’re spending time and money yeah you’re colder than yourself
now we’re moving now we’re taking control
you make me lose my buttons oh yeah you make me spit
I don’t like my clothes anymore
you take me to New Orleans where you put me to the test
I know what my heart is for
you reach out for the blanket I say girl you’ve got something
I love how you wear it
now we’re spending time and money yeah you’re colder than yourself
now we’re moving now we’re taking control
Love will get you down
my love's a laboratory
I set all my pets free
so baby you should sleep with me
I make trips to the bathroom
yeah my friends all have true grit
I am speckled like a leopard
put a lid on Shirley Temple
yeah you make sleek kills
yeah you travel you travel
you park me in your buick
you sing songs into my lips
well i am speckled like a leopard
just like a leopard
trust will get you down
I love the way
you put me in the big house
I love the way
you put me in the big house
If I get there early will it be the right time
our heaven is just waiting so put your hand into mine
if I get too surly will you take that in stride
our boat is just there waiting so put your little hand in mine
and speak when you’re spoken of
catch up on your sleep girl
when you wear that body glove
you’re acting on initiative
and you’re spelling out your love
you shouldn’t be alone in there
you could be above ground
all i want is to be the very best for you
all i want is to be the very best for you
oh this time
there'll be no life of crime
don't rain on me tonight
circle around me now baby it’ll be ok
cause we all go downtown sometimes
somehow baby we’ll beat this mess
it’s the time for the service to meet the specialist
time away from me
will get you down
I love the way you put me in the big house
I love the way you put me in the big house
If I get there early will it be the right time
our heaven is just waiting is just waiting
so put your hand into mine
if I get too surly will you take that in stride
our boat is just there waiting
so put your little hand in mine
and speak when you’re spoken of
catch up on your sleep
when you wear that body glove
you’re acting on initiative
and you’re spelling out your love
you shouldn’t be alone in there
you could be above ground
If you're frustrated then go
If you're frustrated then go
honey bee, we should be through with this,
your packaged eyes, your vicious lips
You could be young, but you're out of touch
If this loves been done, then what's your rush?
I'm a specialist in hope and I'm registered to vote
Why don't you come into my barrio
we'll see if you can float
I'm a specialist in hope and I'm registered to vote
Why don't you come into my barrio
we'll see if you can float
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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Penzance, Patrick Wolf
In a time of loneliness
I fell into your strong open arms
And in those arms you loved me well
You hid me in your calm
And in that calm we headed south
Knowing nothing of my demons
There were devils in the winds that night
Walking fire among the hills
And many voices called me out to the cliffs
But you held me safe
You wrestled me still
Wiping the black blood from my mouth
Speeding into nowhere
It starts in Penzance where the winds are born
And follows the track of this train
And just like this love coming back for you
It will come back for me again
"What a beautiful town!"
I shouted out.
Oh, but what a terrifying view..
You know I wrestled with my bruised hours
Just to lie there next to you
Deep in the dark heart of the south
Speeding into nowhere
My love, Come stop me
I am haunted and possessed
And with my darkest hour yet to come
It's only you, only you can stop me
Come back to Penzance where the winds are born
Just follow the tracks of this trains
And just like this love calling out for you
It is calling me out again...
So come stop me
Only you can stop me
Stop me
Now
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Sunday, December 18th, 2005
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there is a town
where i was born
far far away
across the sea
and in that town
where i was born
i would dream
that one day
i would leave
yes please.
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Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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A boy like me is told he is both nine and ninety and
A boy like me should shut those books join the army
but a boy like me would never be seen fighting for peace
i want total chaos and a holiday home in the east
A boy like me should know much better
than to raise his flag in stormy weather
but i just cant get enough electric shocks
i want to buy a lighthouse and
ride a giraffe on the rocks hey
i dont give up
i want two dogs two cats a big kitchen and a welcome mat
i want all this and all shall have
i dont give up
A boy like me dont ever
give up his dream
no
- a boy like me, patrick wolf (lycanthropy)
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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
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hooray for the 21st century, the libertines (legs 11 demo)
Every sweet little lie ever whispered to you now rings true
No need to wake the sleeping dogs when they'll just turn on you
I'll make my way instead to the foots of your ivory tower
But no love do I find there amongst the leaves and the dying flowers
What became of the lover in you?
Beat the swine black and blue
You and I, me and you
What became of the lover in you?
What became of the lover in you?
The Thames and the Mersey, the Tyne and the Wear and the Clyde
They spew slums like gravy on the banks of the poisonous tyde
They washed up the pale thin girl, alone in her ivory tower
Scratching her skin with the thorns that grow on the stems of the wild flower
What became of the lover in you?
Beat the swine black and blue
You and I, me and you
What became of the lover in you?
What became of the working class?
Nike, Reebok, Adidas, scratch cards, pimples, ecstasy
Hooray fo the 21st Century
Living in a looking glass as the beauty of life goes by
You're going to be so old, you're going to be so old
Your skin's so cold
Hooray for the 21st Century
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Thursday, November 24th, 2005
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God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime
Remembering when you were mine
In a still suburban town
When every thursday I'd brave those mountain passes
And you'd skip your early classes
And we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night with all it's foul temptation
I become what I always hated
When I was with you then
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact
Fumbling to make contact
As the others slept inside
And together there
In a shroud of frost, the mountain air
Began to pass from every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer than anyone would ever get
Do you remember the JAMC?
And reading aloud from magazines
I don't know about you but I swear on my name they could smell it on me
I've never been too good with secrets.
No...
And together there
In a shroud of frost and mountain air
Began to pass through every pane of weathered glass
And I held you closer...
death cab for cutie, 'we looked like giants'
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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| Subject: | briiiiight eyes and things |
| Posted by: | loser_ish. |
| Time: | 4:47 pm. |
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hit the switch
but the night rolls around and it all starts making sense,
there is no right way or wrong way,
you just have to live.
so i do what i do and at least i exist;
what could mean more than this?
take it easy (love nothing)
now i do as i please,
and i lie through my teeth.
someone might get hurt,
but it wont be me.
she'll probably feel cheap,
but i'll just feel free,
and a little bit empty.
no, it isn't so hard, to get close to me.
there will be no arguements, we'll always agree.
and i'll try and be kind, when i ask you to leave.
we'll both take it easy.
lua
and i'm not sure what the trouble was
that started all of this,
the reasons all have run away,
but the feeling never did.
it's not something i would recommend
but it is one way to live;
cause what is simple in the moonlight
by the morning never is.
i think i've been listening to songs by boys who feel too sad for their own good a bit too much :/
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"In The Garage" - Weezer
I've got a Dungeon Master's Guide
I've got a 12-sided die
I've got Kitty Pryde
And Nightcrawler too
Waiting there for me
Yes I do, I do
I've got posters on the wall
My favorite rock group KISS
I've got Ace Frehley
I've got Peter Criss
Waiting there for me
Yes I do, I do
I've got an electric guitar
I play my stupid songs
I write these stupid words
And I love every one
Waiting there for me
Yes I do, I do
In the garage
I feel safe
No one cares about my ways
In the garage
Where I belong
No one hears me sing this song
In the garage
In the garage
In the garage
I feel safe
No one cares about my ways
In the garage
Where I belong
No one hears me sing this song
In the garage
I feel safe
No one laughs about my ways
In the garage
Where I belong
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me sing this song
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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| Subject: | asleep. |
| Posted by: | loser_ish. |
| Time: | 9:53 pm. |
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sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
i'm tired and i,
i want to go to bed
sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
and then leave me alone
don't try to wake me in the morning,
'cause i will be gone
don't feel bad for me,
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i will feel so glad to go
sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
i don't want to wake up
on my own anymore
sing to me
sing to me
i don't want to wake up
on my own anymore
don't feel bad for me
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i really want to go
there is another world
there is a better world
well, there must be
typical, i know, but i love and hate the way i have the complete incapability to describe how this song makes me feel.
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the finger and the moon - ben lee (breathing tornados, 1999)
I walk the streets with some friends of mine
Just like every time
Sit here letting time line my face
Fill this empty space
I was tired
I was unsatisfied
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong
I asked you if I could come inside
When I need to hide
Wait for your love to swallow me
Please don’t try to follow me
I was tired
I was uninspired
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong
I walk the streets with some friends of mine
Just like every time
Sit here letting time line my face
Fill this empty space
I was tired
I was unsatisfied
I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong
No time like the present this
Emptiness kiss and a physical sickness
I’m falling in fear again
I know I’ll never be here again
No time like the present this
Emptiness kiss and a physical sickness
I’m falling in fear again
I know I’ll never be here again
I know I’ll never be here again
I know I’ll never be here again
I know I’ll never be here again
I know I’ll never be here again
I know I’ll never be here again
(i may never recover)
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twilight, elliot smith
haven't laughed this hard in a long time
i better stop now before i start crying
go off to sleep in the sunshine
i don't want to see the day when it's dying
she's a sight to see, she's good to me
i'm already somebody's baby
she's a pretty thing and she knows everything
but i'm already somebody's baby
you don't deserve to be lonely
but those drugs you got won't make you feel better
pretty soon you'll find it's the only
little part of your life you're keeping together
i'm nice to you, i could make it through
that you're already somebody's baby
i could make you smile if you stayed a while
but how long will you stay with me baby
because your candle burns too bright
well, i almost forgot it was twilight
even if i think that you are right
well, i'm tired of being down, i got no fight
you're wonderful, when it's beautiful
but i'm already somebody's baby
and if i went with you i'd disappoint you too
well, i'm already somebody's baby
already somebody's baby
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"and some of my dreams
they may have come true
but so have my nightmares
which i can't get through"
- valley boy, manic street preachers
i just love the way james sings this part. beyond words, i just had to mention it. listen to it now! you'll see what i mean.
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Thursday, February 24th, 2005
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| Subject: | acoustic, like a dream.. |
| Posted by: | _vacuous. |
| Time: | 10:05 pm. |
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shine - ben lee
Ocean, sea floor
I've been waiting for you
See less, be more
Where've you been?
Where the teenage head and the trouble you bought
If you slow down now then your gonna get caught
Darkness, before
I've been waiting for you
Charlie, Brando
Where've you been?
Where the teenage head and the trouble you turn
If you slow down now then your gonna get burned
All I wanted was to live on my blind side
Every shadow's like another bad dream
Move fast unless I dim those headlights
Dont let them shine in front of me
Silent, swallow
I'm still praying for you
Darkness, shadow
Where you been?
Where the teenage head and the trouble you turn
If you slow down now then your gonna get burned
All I wanted was to live on my blind side
Every shadow's like another bad dream
Move fast unless I dim those headlights
Dont let them shine in front of...
All I wanted was to live on my blind side
Every shadow's like another bad dream
Move fast unless I dim those headlights
Dont let them shine in front of me
Where the teenage head, and the trouble you bought
If you slow down now then your gonna get caught
All I wanted was to live on my blind side
Every shadow's like another bad dream
Move fast unless I dim those headlights
Dont let them shine in front of,
Dont let them shine in front of,
Dont let them shine in front of me
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth
In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more
As the assassins al grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor
And with cold steel, odour on their bodies made a move to connect
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left
I did everything, everything I wanted to
I let them use you for their own ends
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.
"shadowplay" joy division
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