looking for! [October 12, 2008] xgeisha jammingatthefrontyard@hotmail.com comments screened ( important! ) reply

[October 12, 2008] cry_for_you [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | rise against // hero of war ] Last night I fell asleep at 5am. Woke up at 1pm. This has to stop. I feel like my brain is not functioning properly. Like when you get water in your ear in the shower, and you can't hear right. Well that's my brain. I feel less than human. I can almost feel functional, I can remember what it feels like, but I can't actually just function. It's frightening. It's not even emotional, I mean, I'm sure on some level, it is, but it's physical too. I wish I could explain this better. I wish I had some sleeping pills. I would even settle for some Ny-Quil. Anything to put me to sleep. But I have no money to buy any. I don't even have money for food. I am actually hungry, but there's no money to even buy anything to eat, so I just won't. I talked to Lauren for an hour tonight. I normally am terrified of talking on the phone, but for some reason I felt compelled to send her a text and ask her to call me. She's just been on my mind a lot. What a wonderful conversation. To talk to someone who understands my insanity is really something I needed. I am incredibly glad I called. She has osteoporosis and said I should really consider getting a bone density scan considering my uh, history. So many people have told me this, and I the chances of me not having it are pretty slim. But I don't really want to know for SURE that I have osteoporosis at the ripe old age of 19 so I just won't. In exchange for Ambien I would though actually. Goodness, I would do almost anything for some Ambien right now. I have ONE xanax. But I'm not really anxious. Last night I almost had an anxiety attack. I could NOT sleep and at 3am I just hopped out of bed and started walking around my suite like I had lost my mind, then I'd just stop walking and stand there, hoping that standing somewhere new would fix everything. Then I opened the window in my room because it was freezing outside and I wanted to be cold. I figured if I made myself incredibly uncomfortable I could comfort myself by burying myself under blankets and feeling like I was taking care of myself. I know that makes no sense. Then I stared out the window for a while and fell on the couch and then hopped into bed and at 5 I fell asleep. Then today I had crazy mood swings and tonight I did some yoga in my room which was pretty nice. I actually was able to do a headstand, but it took a few tries and I fell over a few times. Maxine lives below me and if she was home she was probably really confused as to what I was doing. I downloaded Rise Against's new album today. Hero of War is a really intense song. It's almost hard to listen to, but it's fabulous. How does someone even write a song like that? It will make you uncomfortable (it should anyway) but I really reccomend it. I'm going to try and go to sleep now. That basically means I am going to lie in bed wish I could fall asleep. reply

[October 12, 2008] malliefairytale [ music | ROUGH CUT - AMBAR RUBARTH ] "suddenly your shaking with pain, shooting down inside you and now you're crumbling away, but this isn't like you it doesn't stop till it breaks down, no you know you're breathing rocks and your balance goes ...   your try to make your escape, but the blows keep coming and as the dust clears away, you start to notice something each time a piece crashes down into the floor, you're a little lighter than just before ...   and now your eyes shift from negative spaces to contours that light up this rough cut design and now you see it, your sculpture in motion your unfinished art that keeps going, and keeps going and keeps going, and going, and going, and going..." reply

[October 12, 2008] yourblythe Happy 17th Izza Sofia, I love you. Not as much as Izham does I know but love you still. Always have and always will :) I love you too Peaches my cupcake :) Always have, always will. Lets take those neoprints again one day okay. And happy birthday to me, got some lanvin lovin :)

[October 12, 2008] ashley_lisi I wish I could cry sometimes. I also wish I could stop getting closer and closer to this boy who I'm totally interested in but doesn't even see me. reply

Particles! In my eye! [October 11, 2008] kderlalgaonn [ mood | tired ] I got contacts today! It took me about forty-five minutes to just learn how to get one of them in (probably because I'm still marginally freaked out about poking and/or putting things in my eye. Soooo not supposed to happen!), but I finally did it and they work and I'm all excited that I can walk around and see stuff without my glasses! Though I kept reaching up to push the imaginary ones back onto my nose, which only made me poke myself in the face, which was kind of amusing. I'm totally amazed and happy with the fact that they protect my eyes from getting so beat up by the wind. It's like having this shield over your eyeballs. So cool! And I can look at things up close without getting a headache. Rock! In other news, I have my tattoo studio and an artist picked out, along with a few hard copies of designs I'm interested in. I've decided to go for a smaller tattoo for the time being, as I just need more time to figure out my dragon. 'Cause it needs to be big and pretty and awesome. And because I can't not say something, still totally blown away by how happy this relationship is making me. Love her sooo much! <333 reply

[October 12, 2008] thestickfigures I wish I knew what's going on. reply

ill race [October 12, 2008] elheathero reply

Tweets for Today [October 12, 2008] dearanxiety 10:19 work! oh boy! (trying to put myself in a good mood about it. so far not working.) # 14:26 squinty. forgot my glasses today. no one is making lj posts. no one is emailing me. saturdays at work are lonely. # 15:13 The level of computer illiteracy is astounding. Today a guy stuck his library card in the floppy drive. # 15:48 @dichro haha i'm sorry. i will go that immediately. # 17:54 Uh oh. Sudden sore throat after a week of extreme tiredness. Never a good sign. # 20:36 8:36pm baby shower party time. # Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter 2/ read reply

[October 11, 2008] _violentlyhappy ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) reply

[October 12, 2008] tarotqueen [ mood | high ] Sending me to the other parent every time you decide you don't want me there any more is not the solution! What the hell?? My mom just wants me out and my dad doesn't want me living on my own. And neither wants me in the house. What do you guys want and what did I do? merrr I'm changing my hair every two weeks at this point. Braids, 'fro, and now it's straight with a few 50's style curls. (way later, after partying) Woowoo! Graffiti party equals people writing on shirts and fun stuff. and now I must eat Triscuits or else. *munchmunchmunch* reply

[October 12, 2008] winzor "Это лучше чем наклейка на бампер автомобиля!" - так гласит сопроводительный текст. Рога за 29.98$ Купить можно Здесь.

008. Sparrow Sings [October 12, 2008] writemusic big mistake good luck finding me. reply

[October 12, 2008] yummy_betsey Все. Погуляли, повеселились, и хватит. Пришло время взять себя в руки и настроиться на серьезный лад.

[October 12, 2008] isocitric It's just bizarre that I cannot fall asleep at times I actually want to. Closing my eyes for 3 hours and still remaining awake. THEN, when I have no intention of falling asleep, one second of eye-rest slips me into slumber. Sheesh. School starts tomorrow. Which means: I get to see the classmates, queueing up to buy notes, strange people, weird modules, school is evil and shuttle bus is back! I've been assured that this semester is academically more manageable - which is strange really because I predict otherwise. On top of it, I've found myself taking up quite a load of commitments - German, Melrose, Volunteering, Open House, RED Camp and others that my mind is obscured from right now. I think it's rather terrible, considering that I intend to take up a CCA - then again we'll see. I mean, late November A levels are out of the picture which means I FINALLY WILL HAVE A LIFE AGAIN (it's not supposed to be ironic). How the hell to have a life with that crazy load of stuff, that I don't know. Perhaps I do believe in the elasticity of my threshold for stress, if anything, so maybe that helps. reply

[October 12, 2008] winzor 100 Big Boobed Babes /Nuts Magazine/ Тут (Click)

[October 11, 2008] isocitric I am at this second, wondering why my appetite isn't here today. this minute, feeling somewhat despondent and bogged with some Unidentified Worries. this hour, just home, perhaps almost going to bed. this day, chuckling a little more. this week, realising that school starts in 2 days and that it is a point of contention of some really creepy self-debate postponed during the recent SL Camp. this month, regressing. this year, a strange person, to say the least. I promised Benzley a bunny. It is something that simple and bare yet I found it sporadically pouncing upon my day as if nagging to put greater thought into it. I do think Benzley needs a pet, he has so much to give to a pet and so much to receive. My mind nags at me to put more elaborate thought, which is really baffling because there isn't much thought to put into getting him a bunny. I've ever done it, it always makes me happy and excited. Don't see where the worry comes from. Had a strange night. Woke up a little late. Then I headed to Queenstown library to accompany Keenan with the tribe video. Progress is there, even if it is still incomplete. I'm quite excited and will be immensely proud (which is strange, because I hardly contributed) when the video is finally up. Excited by the laughter and exclamations of the video's inherent awesomeness, HEH. Amidst the video jibbles, we chatted a little. I have found myself appreciating conversations of quite about any sort alot more, in that I find myself acturally seeking them daily - starting to phone people instead of being phoned. No one will know that you appreciate them unless you show them, in a form or another - I always tell people that. I need to realise that I should apply it to myself as well. I apologise for sounding this dead. It's just whenever I'm not dead, it never crosses my mind to post an entry on a blog. I'm assuming this to be a positive thing, actually. Seeking refuge in an outlet is rather comprehensible. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONNIE! (: Enjoy your 18th, you've been waiting since 5 years ago or something! HEH. Miss you loads, do take care <3 reply

007.1 Three Stone Cold Freaks in a Gold Caprice [October 11, 2008] writemusic Nico and Dominique came to visit, and they will be here soon. Friends from home are the best. Here is a very attractive picture of Ali and Mike from last night, oh and one of me too because i am vain/awesome. (and a leafs fan) 1/ read reply

Tweets for Today [October 10, 2008] dearanxiety 11:03 it feels like autumn today. i like indian summer better. # 11:18 @mike why are you getting rid of your bike? # 14:52 @miss_saigon i meant to tell you that ian and i borrowed your desk last night. sorrry! # 20:03 I could pretty much sleep now and I work tomorrow. but visiting friends at the elixir beckon. # 21:40 finally watched michelle obama on the daily show. heart. i love her. # 23:03 falling alseep in @aprilini's pajamas # Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter reply

008. I really need to [October 11, 2008] writemusic get myself on lock. i am way, way too out there, right now. way too vulnerable. and more confused than ever reply

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]