?

Log in

When you feel your soul is lost... - an introduction of some sort... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Lost Souls

[ website | Maintainer's Journal ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

an introduction of some sort... [Jan. 20th, 2008|09:11 pm]
Lost Souls

_lostsouls

[taintedxtulip]
[Current Location |My bed...]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Dare You To Move- Switchfoot]

 

 I've been a member of this group for a few weeks, but haven't really felt confident enough to post or comment. However, I feel that I am ready to share my story, for those who would care to read. However, If you don't want me here, please do let me know and I'll leave. Thanks.

While I was growing up, my family and I lived with my father's mother, who was an aging widow. She was physically and verbally abusive towards myself and my mother, although neither of us knew of each other's plight at the time. When my mother had enough of it, she chose to leave. Thus my family and I moved. My mother went into counselling, and my father drowned himself in his work. A few years later we moved back because of my dad's job. Didi [my father's mother] threw us out of her/our house. We were disowned by her and the rest of my father's family. I lost touch with most of them, and am hardly in touch with my cousins on my dad's side, save those few who chose to support my family and face the wrath of Didi. 

The summer before my freshman year of high school, I was sexually assaulted. I did not know the man. He lost his job and several of my older male friends beat him up. However, no legal action was taken.

My freshman year of high school came around, and I put that summer's incident behind me and threw myself into my work and sports. In one of my classes, I met a boy whose younger brother was in my class. This boy was popular, outgoing, and a wee bit of a badass. And I don't know how I felt about him. He (mildly) abused me- both sexually and verbally. He was expelled at the end of the year, and altough I saw him socially, I stayed away. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Depression my sophomore year of high school, and was in counselling for about a year. 

Along the course of high school, I fell in love and had my heart broken. I also learned alot. about myself and life. I experienced teen motherhood [the child wasn't mine, but i love her more than anything]. At the end of that long ride, I left behind "home" [my family had moved countless times by then] and found myself in a new setting. 

I'm safe now. Noone here can hurt me. And I'm learning to move on. I have my good days and my bad days. But I'm learning to take life as it comes. I don't self harm anymore. And I'm no longer involved with eating disorders. I'm safe. And happy for the most part. I'm learning to follow my dreams. I have nightmares. And I cry myself to sleep now. But I'm not going to let my past control my future.

Tulip

*I dare you to lift yourself off the floor...I dare you to move like today never happened*

LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: amnotcute
2008-01-21 12:25 pm (UTC)
I can't speak for everyone, but for myself you're welcome here. Hope that things continue to improve for you.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: taintedxtulip
2008-01-21 05:35 pm (UTC)
thank you :)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: amnotcute
2008-01-21 06:10 pm (UTC)
No problem.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pastunraveled
2008-01-25 05:16 am (UTC)
Welcome. I hope you find support and empathy here. This is a healing forum for me.

"I'm not going to let my past control my future."

What strength revealed in those words. It has taken me years of therapy to embrace/resolve the pain of my childhood abuse. I wish you the best of luck in your new location/life.

As for the nightmares, I suffer from them too. There are times when I am afraid to fall asleep. I find listening to music can calm me. If that doesn't work, I have a great network of friends whom I can call.

If you need someone, feel free to contact me via my email. Perhaps, we could chat.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: elkica
2008-01-31 12:28 pm (UTC)
If you don't want me here, please do let me know and I'll leave. This has almost make me cry (your self-confidence needs some boosting). Why would you say something like that? Everybody is welcome here, well... unless you are some moron who would use here snooty remarks and nasty comments to put people down (which I don't think you are).
(Reply) (Thread)