wow ... i can't believe i am back [07 May 2008|08:41am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Grey - Ani DiFranco ] Hey Hi i haven't been here in a very long time It's like meeting your birth mother for the first time since birth And standing before her in a puddle of question and apprehensions. I love you guys i shouldn't have stayed away so long So much to tell you But i guess I'll start with what is really on my mind I am sitting in a chair that is not mine, in an apartment that i don't own Courting a mistress that will most likely never be mine I have tried to accept this fact I have told myself it is already done But it is not Which is why it is eating me up inside I have two conflicting opinions , ideals, fantasies , dilemmas... in my head and they are reducing me as a person I have been reduced over 2 years and 6 months and some amount of days since the last time I inflicted pain upon myself And here I am standing before you help me like you once did Save me from myself -aUstIN 3 comments|post comment

Blarg [07 May 2008|12:43pm] [ mood | annoyed ] Don't you hate those pre-depression symptoms? You're tired, you can't get excited about anything, your limbs feel heavy, your body hurts.... It's like part of you just has a "I don't wanna!" attitude about everything and anything. Then the other part of you says "you have to anyway." I usually have to just push my way through and not allow myself to give into the "I don't wanna". When I do, that's when the depression starts getting worse. It's tiring to do that though. How do some of you guys cope with this? 8 comments|post comment

I need help on a problem. [07 May 2008|08:21pm] I have my birthday party coming up and we are going swimming. One problem there...scars. There aren't any open cuts or raw cuts because I've tried to think of places to cut other than there before the party/ sort of trying to quit. So I have scars on my thigh and I don't know how to hide them in a bathing suit. Please help! 6 comments|post comment

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