| help? |
[20 Jul 2008|10:53pm] |
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Hey guys, I could really use some help with something. It's been fifteen days since I last cut (yippee). Last time I cut was on my forearm and it was pretty deep - leaving several large scars that are still healing. Problem is, I'm going to a wedding on Friday. And I'll be wearing a strappy dress. Now, everyone there knows I have a history with this, though they dont know details. But still, even if they know, I'd rather not parade around with huge scars up my arm at the wedding. At work I usually cover them with an arm band (I have to wear one on my other arm anyway to cover my tattoo) but obviously this wouldnt look right at a wedding. The scars go up at least six inches or so up my arm. Any ideas on what I can use to maybe hide them? Bracelets dont go/stay that far up my arm, and I've not yet mastered blending a makeup job well enough to cover arm scars. Any other ideas?
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[19 Jul 2008|06:44pm] |
I want to.
I want to so, so badly.
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[19 Jul 2008|01:09am] |
hey my name is sarah, i'm an 18 years old, and i've been cutting for 3-4 years. it's weird to admit that i'm a "cutter" - since i do NOT fit that stereotype at all. i still don't even really understand why i do it, but i guess it's a combination of punishment and something to distract me from my emotions. i hate the secrecy, the misunderstandings, and the scars, and i really want to stop for good. i have tried a few times in the past to stop cutting but i don't think i've gone much longer than a few months.
i'm at a total loss of how to stop though, it's kind of spiraling out of control! lately i've been going through a lot - i'm recovering from anorexia (that at least its going well!), i'm getting ready for college in the fall (i'm afraid of change...), and i'm getting back my final scores from ap testing, grades, etc (i cannot beleive how poorly i did - it shatters my already miniscule self-confidence into a million pieces). so, lately i have been feeling helpless and worthless and stupid. all i do to deal with it is cut. suggestions?
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| question |
[19 Jul 2008|01:26am] |
does anyone else feel like everytime they become close to someone they have to tell them they used to cut.
i haven't cut in over 4 years, and I have a new boyfriend, who recently told me that he tells me everything, and I feel like this cloud of guilt came because I didn't tell him that. I don't know just wondering if anyone ever feels the same way.
i don't want to be that person anymore, I don't want anyone else to know.
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[18 Jul 2008|10:47pm] |
So I find it funny that I can't even afford to get the help that I need because I can't even afford food.
I owe school about $11 000, and, including loans, I'm short about $2000. And that's before I've eaten or bought textbooks, or anything ELSE like... say... shampoo or toilet paper.
Just makes me wonder how important "happiness" really is... I mean, which is more important? Going to a psychologist or food?
I'm exhausted. Mentally... physically... I just want a break from LIFE. I come home from work everyday just wanting to cut my LIFE away... But I don't.
I just don't know anymore.
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| upate: |
[17 Jul 2008|06:37pm] |
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I posted earlier today feeling aweful. I thought I would just let all of you who responded know that I am doing better. I didn't bite myself once, so that was good. I ended up calling my mom out of her meeting to talk me through it.
thnx for the support.
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[17 Jul 2008|02:41pm] |
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i think i found a way to reduce my cutting (if not quiting)
like yesterday, i just wanted to cut, for no obvious reason, so i was standing in front of the cupboard i keep the blades and, suddenly a voice in my head said "no".
so i left the room but i still had this urge. so i decided instead of cutting, to write a song :))
and when i finished, the urge was gone.
i'm not sure if this will always work, because i can only write so many songs :P
Maybe i'll draw or smth.
Anyways, here's the song:
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| its still there... |
[16 Jul 2008|12:18am] |
When life gets shitty...why do I always think about going into the bathroom and cutting myself?
I haven't cut in years. And yet, when times get downright shitty...I want to.
Has anybody not cut in years and feel the same way I do....
BTW i think i haven't cut in 3 years.
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| Hii |
[15 Jul 2008|10:11pm] |
I actually don't think I've posted in here yet. I joined a while ago, and I know I've commented, but I guess I'll introduce myself and stuff now.
My name is Amanda. I'm a 19 year old college student. And, let's see...well, I started self harming (cutting usually, and some various other things) when I was 11 and did it pretty habitually until I was 14 or 15. When friends ask I don't say that I've stopped, because if I feel the need to cut, I usually do, but it's not unusual for me to go 3 to 8 months without cutting. It's been on my mind a lot lately, though I'm not entirely sure why. Anyway, Hi. I hope all of you are doing alright. It's funny how I'll cut without a second thought but I have such a bleeding heart when it comes to others. I love talking to people though, about anything. =)
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[15 Jul 2008|12:56pm] |
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So it's been a week since I last cut. Not a terribly impressive feat for me, I've gone much longer and had a much harder time before, but hey. A week is a week.
I still have my razors, and even though I really don't want to cut ever again, I'm apprehensive about throwing them out... Kinda like I want to keep them as a bit of a security blanket or something... Just in case...
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[14 Jul 2008|11:14pm] |
I am at a critical point in my life where I must choose between my disorders and getting help.
I have never... EVER felt strong enough to admit to someone else that I'm not okay..... Nor have I ever actually been able to tell someone else how I feel. Ever. Not even my closest friends.
But I am sitting here, literally afraid that if I don't.... that if I don't, I might take myself out.
Because... well... everything has become so completely unbearable that I really can't see myself faking it anymore. I have never felt this comfortable with the idea of dying... It has always scared me. It hasn't scared me for about a month now. I almost welcome it. I almost welcome it with open arms.
And my disorders... they bring me comfort in knowing that they are the one constant in my life. My constant sadness is the ONE thing I can count on.
But I don't feel like I can struggle with this anymore. I have never felt so far gone in my entire life.
But at the same time... the thought of me being weak and vulnerable around someone else makes me shake.
I don't know what to do.
A friend of mine just told me via MSN that I need help, particularly the extremely expensive kind.
I don't feel like there is any reason for me to be alive anymore.
I guess what I'm asking is if there's anyone out there who has experienced similar fears with getting help.... and.... if you got help.... did it actually help you any? Details would be appreciated, if you're comfortable with them.
I love you all dearly. Hang on, stay strong.
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| It's question time! |
[14 Jul 2008|09:19pm] |
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Cute Is What We Aim For - The Curse Of Curves |
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Okay. What I would like to know:
Anyone else here been cutting/self-injuring for a long period of time? As in, more than 3 years?
For those of you who have been without relapse for more than a year, what was it that had worked for you so far?
What do you wish people knew about cutting, either so that they wouldn't start or so that they could better understand your situation?
Oh and please don't take this to mean that I think that less than 3 years isn't long and terribly painful, or that going 9 months, 6 months, or a week without relapse isn't good. Any attempt to stop is admirable. I am just wondering about length of time because I started when I was twelve and am now nineteen, and have never made it more than a year without relapse. Seven years is a long time. I feel ancient. If there's anyone out there who has a comparable timeline, it'd be nice to not feel so alone.
( My answers )
Oh, and I've been a member of this community under various screennames since I was fifteen or so...so thank you for making the past few years more bearable:-) I love you all, stay safe:-)
<3 K
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[14 Jul 2008|04:08pm] |
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This is my first post...I am a cutter, but don't get the rush I used to...I have thought about burning but havn't tried it yet... The latest si is to get drunk from alcohol and pills so that I lose my balance and fall...So far only deep and satisfying bruises..maybe brokeb bones later...Any thoughts or ideas? Thanks, Mac
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| New coping method please? |
[12 Jul 2008|04:42am] |
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OK.
So cutting is something I do usually when I'm alone at home and I'm sad/mad/stressed, or any other emotion I can't deal with; and I smoke cigs and drink whenever I get the chance.
Mostly I smoke because, ya I'm addicted now and I feel like i need it, or when I'm really stressed/sad/mad, same reasons pretty much. But cutting and smoking are both hurting yourself, just in different way.
That's sort of why i didn't mind starting smoke two years ago, because sometimes I didn't care about myself, and other times I thought maybe it would help me stop cutting...? It didn't, i just have 2 bad habits now. So I'm trying to stop both of them.
If anyone could offer any other type of coping method that I can use while I'm home and while I'm out, that would be a big help. I never really learned how to cope with stuff by watching my family, everyone just holds everything inside and lets it out when there alone, i guess, or maybe they just have a healthier coping method than i do, idk.
Anyway, if you could give some suggestions that would be great, thx =).
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[10 Jul 2008|06:55pm] |
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Well, I suppose I should start off with a "Hi, I'm new" type post. It will be good to get all this off my chest.
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| PENNSYLVANIA PEOPLE! |
[09 Jul 2008|09:13pm] |
I'm not sure how many people there are from Pennsylvania in here but there are SMA meetings (self mutilators anonymous)..for anyone who is interested in recovery or with getting help and taking a step toward recovery.
i contacted the person about these groups and was told due to the not good turn out they have been cancelled.
I'm trying to spread the word and get the
meetings going again.I would like to see those who are serious about recovering or getting help or anything to contact the email address that will be left about starting this group back up. I need it badly right now.. my brother just died on the fourth of July and I was recently rejected by 20 referrals my insurance company had given me. I was rejected because I'm a self mutilator
well here is the information for meetings in Pennsylvania ..
Downingtown,Pa
Thursdays 7pm-8pm
this is a self injury anonymous support group
Central Presbuterian Church
route 113
this is a closed adult support group
I realize it says adult..so contact this email for any information or questions
stefslm@aol.com
thank you ..and delete this if its not allowed.if its not allowed,sorry I posted it
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| hey |
[06 Jul 2008|04:43pm] |
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i want to get a tattoo over my wrist. but i have cuts there. how long do you have to wait from the last time you cut so you can get a tattoo there? Someone told me you have to wait 2 years. I don't know if you guys would know, but its worth asking right?
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| This is not intended to offend anyone... |
[06 Jul 2008|02:47pm] |
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Does anyone but me think that somtimes we look for reasons to cut? Even though some of us say that we don't want to anymore?
Sometimes the things we cut over really don't call for that severe a reaction. Like a pet dying, bad day at work, someone bullying us. I guess a lot of it sums up to us feeling like it's our fault... or just no self esteme.
I have a kitty... he's my baby. If something were to happen to him, whether it was my fault or not, and I would be devistated. I could very easily see myself working myself up so much that I would cut.
I dunno what my point is. I guess that cutting is like any other addiction. Any excuse we have to cut, we'll cut. Whether it realisticly be ligitament or not.
I know some of you haven't cut for years, maybe months. I haven't cut for two years. I've come uncomfortable close to messing up sometimes. It's really hard. What keeps you guys from cutting? What finally made you guys say enough is enough? For me... I think it was just realising that cutting wasn't going to solve any of my problems. As good as it feels... I may end up killing myself one day if I didn't stop. Whether it be an accident or on purpose. I didn't want to die. Plus, it hurt the people who cared about me. I miss cutting sometimes.
But yeah... share your stories. What keeps you from cutting? For those of you who find it hard to "quit", why do you personally keep cutting? What about it is so appealing for you? For me it was the release. The release of adrenaline and the emotioal pain. It never physically hurt. A lot of the time I was mad at myself too, so I was punishing myself. Mostely it was just because I needed the release.
I'm sorry if anyone finds these questions evasive. I just like to know how other peoples' minds work so that I can better understand them.
::hugs::
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| Self Mutilators Anonymous |
[06 Jul 2008|01:33pm] |
I'm going to a Self Mutilators Anonymous meeting tonight for the first time and I'm so nervous.
Has anyone else been and can tell me what it's like?
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