carmen_is (carmen_is) wrote in _glbt_n_br,
  • Mood: contemplative

in the closet

i tried for along time to NOT to be gay...
why?

i went to alot of churches, joined youth groups, joined an "ex" gay group, had the (que the southern baptist preacher drawl) spirit of "homosexuality" prayed out of me.

i even refrained from going to lsu bc i was afraid i would become (whisper) GAY

People ask me and i often ask myself why i put myself through all of this.
i ususally say "i was afraid of hell"
but that's not true
when i think about it...
i was morbidly afraid of losing my family, afraid of rejection by my mom, family and friends.

when i came out i lost my family, my "friends" from church, people criticized and chastised me, even quoted the bible to me.

i then went back in the closet and my family and friends came back...miracle..whoa!

so it was the fear of rejection and the fear of losing my support system that kept me closeted.

i finally came out...it was either that or kill myself

anyway...maybe i should write a book about charismatic christians and being gay


okay...

that's it for now.

carmen
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