Duh!

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 13:46:17 GMT

Originally posted by mariamagdalena at http://mariamagdalena.livejournal.com/81728.html

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 02:05:07 GMT

Though I am loathe to even bring up the slightest mention of politics here, this is too great to pass up.

http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/?041004sh_shouts

An excerpt:

"Paragraph Forty-two: Language.
Candidates shall address each other in terms of mutual respect (“Mr. President,” “Senator,” etc.). Use of endearing modifiers (“my distinguished opponent,” “the honorable gentleman,” “Pookie,” “Diddums,” etc.) is permitted. The following terms are specifically forbidden and may not be used until after each debate is formally concluded: “girlie-man,” “draft dodger,” “drunk,” “ignoramus,” “Jesus freak,” “frog,” “bozo,” “wimp,” “toad,” “lickspittle,” “rat bastard,” “polluting bastard,” “lying bastard,” “demon spawn,” “archfiend,” or compound nouns ending in “-hole” or “-ucker.”

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 21:22:11 GMT

http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2004/09/court_awards_10.html

"...in which the court awarded a taxpayer $10,000 for "emotional distress" inflicted by the IRS"

IRS: 321,890,843
The People: 1
We'll take whatever victory we can.

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 01:54:28 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=518&ncid=732&e=4&u=/ap/20040922/ap_on_re_eu/nuclear_treaty_liechtenstein

"The tiny Alpine republic of Liechtenstein has ratified the Comprehensive Nuclear Test-Ban Treaty, bringing to 116 the number of nations endorsing the pact, the treaty organization said Wednesday."

Of course, Liechtenstein is just slightly bigger than Washington D.C. Something tells me that testing nukes there would've been kind of stupid anyways.

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 01:10:43 GMT

http://www.tampabays10.com/news/news.aspx?storyid=10015

"As Mauro is narrating the dangers of the intersection in the town of Maize, an accident happens right in front of him"

The article itself is just some silly podunk town needing something to cover. What's really stupid is if you watch the video, a car crash happens right behind this guy... and rather than go see if anybody is OK, he continues his news broadcast. Next time, I hope he's between two crashing cars. Asshole.

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 19:33:28 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20040917/od_nm/odd_sex_dc

"A Spanish man tried to have his wife charged with domestic abuse because she refused to have sex with him on five consecutive days, Spanish newspaper El Sur reported on Friday."

Something tells me he's going to have to wait at least five more days...

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 17:52:03 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&ncid=757&e=10&u=/ap/20040915/ap_on_fe_st/too_small_tip

"Charges have been dropped against a man arrested in a restaurant for not leaving a big enough tip."

While I think it's rude to not leave a tip, I think it's even more rude that this restaurant tried to sue a guy for not leaving a big enough tip.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 17:44:19 GMT

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=3&art_id=qw1060430040293B225&set_id=1

"Cheng added that the designer wanted the clothes to have a military theme and did not realise that the Nazi symbols would be considered offensive."

My vocabulary unfortunately does not include words capable of describing the sheer stupidity of this man and his company.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 17:42:44 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/09/15/congress.payraise.ap/index.html

"With little debate, House lawmakers on Tuesday included themselves as part of a pay raise that all federal employees will receive next year."

For some reason I find it a little odd that a group of politicians gets to decide their own pay rate.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 20:22:10 GMT

http://cbsnewyork.com/njnews/NJ--ElectionvsFoliage-jn/resources_news_html

"Of about 1,000 adults surveyed, 54 percent said they were looking forward to fall foliage, while 48 percent were excited about the presidential election."

Maybe it's because this is the most ridiculous presidential race that many generations have seen for a long, long time.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 05:36:28 GMT

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/news/091304_ap_ns_frenchfries.html

"A 19-year-old Chicago woman has been charged with murder for allegedly stabbing her cousin to death during a quarrel over a 99-cent box of French fries."

Honestly now, 99 cent fries couldn't even have been super sized, and if they weren't super sized then shit, this was uncalled for.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 23:52:30 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=1&u=/nm/20040913/od_nm/crime_necrophilia_dc

"SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Having sex with corpses is now officially illegal in California after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill barring necrophilia, a spokeswoman said on Friday. The new law makes sex with a corpse a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison."

That's so dissappointing.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 20:04:53 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20040913/ap_on_en_tv/people_oprah_s_surprise

"Oprah Winfrey celebrated the premiere of her 19th season by surprising each of her 276 audience members with a new car. "

In an effort to prove that money can buy friends (and fans), Oprah gave away 276 cars. In other news, there are still children starving in Africa.

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 00:50:18 GMT

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/602-7479891-0543832?asin=B0002Q65JW&tag=tcom%5Fgogl618-20

"Durable and doable in a swimsuit, yet not designed for surfing, cliff diving, extreme groping and other high-impact activities.

It's not exactly a news article, it's actually a product description on the Target Website. Still kind of silly though.

By the way, I do want to let everybody know that anybody who wants to can post here, it isn't restricted, so if you've read something funny somewhere, feel free to share it!

#whatever

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 00:47:27 GMT

http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=6209912§ion=news.

"The city's airport board recently proposed a change in the part of the aviation code that said small aircraft must maintain an altitude of more than 2,000 feet (610 metres) while flying over Salt Lake City. For years, Santa Claus and his reindeer were granted an exception -- but no more."

Those bastards banned Santa from flying on Christmas. That's just cruel. Won't somebody think of the children?

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 03:26:13 GMT

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=healthNews&storyID=6183201

"The study by the Prevention Research Center of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation shows that university students, especially young men, may be drinking even more heavily, and dangerously, than parents and educators feared."

Oh fuck, the secret's out - us college folk drink more than our parents thought!

4

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 18:22:34 GMT

http://woodtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=2271291&nav=0RcdQfk0

"Officials say the trailer park manager had a stove installed in the home, but it wasn't hooked up properly and was leaking gas. The manager told 24 Hour News 8 he wanted her to stay out until it was fixed. But apparently as she was leaving, she lit a cigarette and the trailer exploded."

Darwinism at its best. I feel sorry for the kids, but the woman was an idiot.

3

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 04:48:49 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=857&ncid=757&e=10&u=/nm/20040907/od_uk_nm/oukoe_odd_germany_drugs

"A German teenager set himself up for an easy arrest when he offered to sell marijuana to guests at a party full of off-duty policeman, police from the northern town of Eschwege say."

I really don't know what to say. What kind of idiot sells pot at a cops party?

2

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 04:46:48 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&ncid=757&e=10&u=/ap/20040907/ap_on_fe_st/coroner_shot

"Monroe County Coroner David Toumey was hospitalized with a leg wound after accidentally shooting himself while trying to demonstrate gun safety."

The irony is just awesome.

#1

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 23:07:04 GMT

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid=1419&e=1&u=/ap/20040907/ap_on_he_me/fit_girls_exercise&sid=95832457

"Just an extra hour of exercise a week could significantly cut obesity among young overweight girls, according to a study that researchers say could lead to major changes in the way schools fight obesity."

With nothing better to do with their time or money, scientists have determined - through what I'm sure was an incredibly difficult and intense research program - that exercise can, in fact, keep kids from getting fat. Wow.