"A 19-year-old Chicago woman has been charged with murder for allegedly stabbing her cousin to death during a quarrel over a 99-cent box of French fries."
Honestly now, 99 cent fries couldn't even have been super sized, and if they weren't super sized then shit, this was uncalled for.
"SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Having sex with corpses is now officially illegal in California after Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill barring necrophilia, a spokeswoman said on Friday. The new law makes sex with a corpse a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison."
That's so dissappointing.
"Oprah Winfrey celebrated the premiere of her 19th season by surprising each of her 276 audience members with a new car. "
In an effort to prove that money can buy friends (and fans), Oprah gave away 276 cars. In other news, there are still children starving in Africa.
"Durable and doable in a swimsuit, yet not designed for surfing, cliff diving, extreme groping and other high-impact activities.
It's not exactly a news article, it's actually a product description on the Target Website. Still kind of silly though.
By the way, I do want to let everybody know that anybody who wants to can post here, it isn't restricted, so if you've read something funny somewhere, feel free to share it!
"The city's airport board recently proposed a change in the part of the aviation code that said small aircraft must maintain an altitude of more than 2,000 feet (610 metres) while flying over Salt Lake City. For years, Santa Claus and his reindeer were granted an exception -- but no more."
Those bastards banned Santa from flying on Christmas. That's just cruel. Won't somebody think of the children?
"The study by the Prevention Research Center of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation shows that university students, especially young men, may be drinking even more heavily, and dangerously, than parents and educators feared."
Oh fuck, the secret's out - us college folk drink more than our parents thought!
"Officials say the trailer park manager had a stove installed in the home, but it wasn't hooked up properly and was leaking gas. The manager told 24 Hour News 8 he wanted her to stay out until it was fixed. But apparently as she was leaving, she lit a cigarette and the trailer exploded."
Darwinism at its best. I feel sorry for the kids, but the woman was an idiot.
"A German teenager set himself up for an easy arrest when he offered to sell marijuana to guests at a party full of off-duty policeman, police from the northern town of Eschwege say."
I really don't know what to say. What kind of idiot sells pot at a cops party?
"Monroe County Coroner David Toumey was hospitalized with a leg wound after accidentally shooting himself while trying to demonstrate gun safety."
The irony is just awesome.
"Just an extra hour of exercise a week could significantly cut obesity among young overweight girls, according to a study that researchers say could lead to major changes in the way schools fight obesity."
With nothing better to do with their time or money, scientists have determined - through what I'm sure was an incredibly difficult and intense research program - that exercise can, in fact, keep kids from getting fat. Wow.