| It is Certain |
[27 Jul 2008|12:17pm] |
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awake |
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music |
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beautiful world- colplay |
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That was the answer of the Magic 8 ball when I asked about the possible heartache of something that I could potentially start or has started already--yikes!
So where are we going? Are we going to do a LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD, GET SOME SCARS mindset or a MASOCHIST SHOULD BE SHOT mindset?
But one thing is for sure, I'm tempted, but anyweiz, life is short, and we will just spend each day looking forward and watching out. Thinking about it just stresses me out! I've long ran out of the desire to think about someone who's not thinking of me. So I just need to get it out of my chest and get on with it. Whatever "it" will be. Bow.
If this thing develops without effort in my part, if everything will just fall into place, then well and good. I'm a great believer of fate and all those happy things, but not saying that I don't believe in going what I want.
But then the main problem here is that I don't know what I want. Well, I don't know what it is exactly as in specifics, but I know the general thought of what I want. I just have to figure out if the universe is reading me correctly or if I really want what I think I want.
And it's weird that this is happening. Extremely weird, but fun though. One thing is for sure--wala akong planong manligaw (i don't intend to court anybody).
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| Lifehouse kicks keister! |
[27 Jul 2008|12:00am] |
I broke my unlucky watching streak!
In Maroon 5, they didn't play KIWI and in Incubus, they didn't play MAKE YOURSELF.
I am now officially in love with Lifehouse because for their first song they sang my favorite song-- MAKE ME OVER!!!! The rest was just whipped cream on an uber happy sundae of love and music.
Laughtrip ang aming HANDS TOGETHER moments ni Carla sa Simon, You and Me, First Time, Broken at kung anik anik pa. Panalo rin ang Vicky Belo sighting namin complete with my winner comments and carla's winner ending to that endless commentary. bakit nga ba Carla? Bakit? wahaha.
When someone asked me how was the concert, I said --- baket may ganong katalentadong tao? Seriously. The vocalist's voice was poetry meyns. Can't even describe how vastly the same and different they were from the albums that I've been studying these past few days.
I know why musical directors use a lot of their songs for TV series.. seriously, pwedeng theme song ng buhay.
Theme songs ng aking happy life?
YOU AND ME, WHO WE ARE, MAKE ME OVER, and SPIN.
Baket? Secret. wahaha.
They rocked!
I'm a convert!
Pictures from Carla's cam coming up when she wakes up! Nagnightcap pa kasi after ng concert eh. Third wheel anonymous ako, and pucha, please naman BAWAL SWEETNESS!
And... gusto ko talga manuod ng PANIC! at the disco! Kakaririn ko yan kahit *gulp* hindi reserved seats? dyusko.
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| Talked to him for the first time in 6 months. |
[26 Jul 2008|10:46pm] |
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I had all these questions I've been meaning to ask him.
They've been grasping my attention through out the day, in and out.
And I was hesitant. I thought he was mad at me, trying to avoid me.
I didn't know if I should IM him, seem desparate. Seem lonely.
Then I decided I would. He wasn't drunk. He wasn't stupid. (Only for a minute.)
But all of those questions just vanished, like everything was the same.
I miss him. I wish we could just spend the hours lying in each other's arms.
But the funny thing is he was never "mine" to begin with.
So I'm not sure why I feel as though he was or ever will be.
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| i cant handle this |
[26 Jul 2008|09:28pm] |
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ugh.. .just when you think you're doing well right? I'm starting ABC again
because clearly I'm stupid and don't have the discipline to get myself in shape and together.
It's a little rediculous. I went to cape cod for about a week and what do i do? shove my face with food.
I tried to be good.
I even saw a few thinspo's on the beach and still obviously don't have the will power to fucking do it.
I'm fasting tomorrow then starting all over again.
I think fasting will help to clean out my system completely from all the shit ive consumed.
It just sucks cause i feel bad for my boyfriend since he has to deal with my complaints about food.
he doesnt tell me to stop...mostly just not to talk about it.
i guess its getting on his nerves a little.
It won't be a complete fast...just a fruit fast.
I do better with those and that way i can not be hungry and still burn off the calories pretty easy when i run.
I don't quite know whats been going on with me lately though.
For some reason I just don't want to socialize or talk to anyone ever. When i went with my bf's family to cape cod...i didn't want to talk to anyone.
I wanted to obviously talk to him but it took so much out of me to go and meet his family and start conversations and things. I should be ok since we've been dating for a year and a half.
Even family.
Today we had a cookout but i stayed home and took a nap instead.
I realllllly did not want to talk to family like whatsoever.
That's like the last thing i wanted to do at this point.
And this has been a recent thing that has been happeneing. I used to be a very outgoing very social person and now I just want to stay by myself most of the time.
I'm my own company.
Does anyone have any idea why this might be happening?
I just feel like all the energy is drained out of me and I have none to talk to anyone or want to even smile.
Anyone else feel this way?
peace&love
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| Alrighty then. |
[26 Jul 2008|09:08pm] |
Ok so I'm finally back. My computer crashed and it took an eternity to fix. Unfortunately i've hit some hard times as far as weight gain goes. But I'm trying not to let it get me down too much. Tomorrow is a good a day as any to start over. So here's the plan.
Breakfast:
Nonfat Yogurt-110
Honey-60
Lunch:
Soup-200
Dinner:
5 egg whites-85
Zucchini Salad-40
Total: 495
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| WHY SO SERIOUS? |
[26 Jul 2008|02:44pm] |
0:-)
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| saw this on my flist awhile ago and just had to hunt it down |
[26 Jul 2008|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Yanks vs BoSox on FOX/food network |
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Post an anonymous comment with the following:
1. one secret.
2. one compliment.
3. one non-compliment.
4. one love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. lyrics to a song.
6. how old you are.
7. how long we've been friends.
8. and a hint to who you are.
9. after you do it for me, if you want, you can put it in your LJ.
...YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! It's anonymous posting only, so, go crazy! I won't know it's you anyway.
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| i FiLL MY HEART WiTH HOPE |
[26 Jul 2008|04:21pm] |
Boo to me.
Alive... yet fatter than ever. I started working with this twig of a girl who eats ALL OF THE TIME. I am not kidding. She's one of my best friends, so I am around her all of the time... especially that she was working with me. She actually stopped working a week ago... so hopefully I will resume my normal weight. I definitely gained about 8 pounds working with her... because all she wanted to do was eat. I got down a few pounds this last week... and will hopefully lose a few more pounds next week. I would love to be skinny... but I can be content maintaining.
♥ Emily
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| DAY 3 |
[26 Jul 2008|03:02pm] |
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Day 3 of ABC. I have my period, refuse to weigh myself!
Hungry.
Had an apple thus far.
ugh 300 cals is all I can allow myself.
My mom wants to have a family meal.
I want this day to end, it's only 3:04 pm
Grr.
BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN BE THIN
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| tired... |
[26 Jul 2008|01:45pm] |
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mood |
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Well, I haven't been online lately, so I haven't been able to update my journal in awhile and look at all my communities I belong to lol. Well, I finally reached my first goal weight. Its weird because i'm not as happy as I thought I would be. I'm 1 pound less than my goal weight, It was 103, so I'm 102 now. BUT....my mom went to drive my sister somewhere, so being a fat ass, I take this as an opportunity to binge and purge. I ate mac and cheese and some of these steamed dumplings my mom made. So, I just finished purging and I probably gainned weight...I'm afraid to look...ugh! Yesterday I was over Ashley's since Thursday night...so all day yesterday I was b/ped...then later on I went over Chris's since he was having a party...and ate a muffin and a sandwich Nick made...so I purged 2x there....so I b/ped like 7x yesterday...I feel like complete shit. Everytime I walk or walk up the stairs or stand up I get really dizzy, and this sucks. Anyways, I am supposed to be going to this bbq with my grandparents and I really don't feel like going...ugh. What if they make me eat, then I have to get all nervous because I don't like purging when I am home and my mom is around. ugh my life sucks. Anyways, I'm off to go weigh myself and maybe lay down I am so exhausted.
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[26 Jul 2008|01:12pm] |
All of the diet pills I've taken/tried up to date:
- Smartburn
- CLA Tonalin
- Hydroxycut
- Hydroxycut Hardcore
- Fireball
- Lipo 6X
- Akavar 20/50
- DetoxaTrim
- Complete Release 500
- TrimForm
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[26 Jul 2008|04:14pm] |
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I'm hungry today. Dunno why. Got up too late to go to the gym. Grrr. So i started taking the pill today so that'll be just over 7 days by the time the BF gets back. I'm thinking when it gets to a week i'm gonna do a fast. A week long fast. Absolutely need this. Hope i don't gain too much from today :S Just can't seem to shift the weight at the moment!
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| Ваджид Али Шах |
[26 Jul 2008|06:41pm] |
- Я никогда не должен был сидеть на этом троне. Но я был молод, и мне нравилась корона. Мне нравились трон, мантия и драгоценности. Я любил великолепие и блеск. Вначале я вёл себя как настоящий король. По крайней мере, некоторое время. Помните мою армию?... Ежедневные парады... Названия, которые я давал конным частям... И моя женская армия, красивые девушки в красивых униформах на красивых лошадках. Что за картина была, когда они проносились мимо!
Ваджид Али Шах - последний правитель индийского региона Ауд. Танцор, поэт и большой покровитель катхака. Человек искусства, которого угораздило родиться королем.
Фильм "Шахматисты", откуда взяты картинка и цитата, посвящен последним дням его правления. Рекомендован к просмотру! Клип из фильма, где Сасвати Сен танцует катхак, наверняка многие видели. Поет Бирджу Махарадж, а композицию сочинил старший брат его прадеда, Биндадин Махарадж, который выступал при дворе Ваджида Али Шаха. Печальный человек, которого все время показывают в клипе - премьер-министр, который идет сообщить своему господину о намерении британцев аннексировать Ауд.
- Резидент-сахаб, наверное, пел тебе газели, - ласково встретил министра правитель, когда танец был окончен. - Ничто, кроме поэзии и музыки, не должно вызывать слёзы на глазах мужчины.
С короной Ваджид Али Шах простился без слёз.
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| 152.5 |
[26 Jul 2008|11:01am] |
152.5...?
ugh see this is why i started throwing up in the firstplace. my weight went up even when i was eating healthy and normally.
why does it keep going up? i did so fucking well today, and didnt give in to my ice cream temptations at 3am.
which im really proud of btw there is danish and 3 types of ice cream in this house and i havn't had any of it.
oh fooey. i just want it to go down. :(
breakfast:
2 cups of jamaican curry powdered carrots cabbage tomato broccoli and onion 200 calories
hot green tea
green tea pill
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[26 Jul 2008|10:07am] |
today i work at 11. i got up at 930 thinking i needed the time but ive been watching food network/hgtv since about 945 now. haha
today everyone but che is working. it should be a good day with all four of us there!
i need to remember to get my schedule!
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| >:| |
[25 Jul 2008|07:53am] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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music |
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franz ferdinand |
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I'm sort of in the mood to kill everyone
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| 68.4 |
[26 Jul 2008|11:35am] |
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Need to lose pretty much 1lb a day. Ate a pork katsu curry last night after much pressure from friends. Meh. Wasn't too big i guess, and for the entire days worth it wasn't sooo bad. I'm praying my mum's not going to do tacos today since she's got the taco stuff out. I'll just kick up a fuss. Hmm. Also going to start the pill today so i hope that doesn't make me gain from absolutely nothing. It means i'll have to be even more severe with myself. Not a morsel to pass my lips unless it's to show my mum i'm eating.
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[26 Jul 2008|09:33am] |
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You're fucking going down when I get back to Hong Kong.
I'm going to fucking kill you.
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