some good, some bad

I finally remembered this journal and took a shot to see if it was still active... it was. I went back and read my old entries and was amazed on what we went thru during that time. things mellowed out, but much has changed! We ended up we moving because of Smokes parents. His father hated my youngest because he laughed too loud! He was 2! Anyhow, we found a great house in Ephesus built in 1930! Its haunted, but we have learned to live together! lol Things got great, but have recently gotten worse. I lost my job in July and have not found anything. I had to give my car back with 4 payments left. I am a stay at home mom and love it. Lexy is 12 now and the boys have birthdays this month. Daviel will be 9 and Blayne will be 6! Time flies when you are not looking! money is tight and Christmas is only 10 days away! I am scared because I am not sure if there will be a Christmas. God will allow...
Yesterday was a horrible day. A 20 year old went into an elementary school and shot 20 children and 6 adults before turning the gun on him.... the kids were ages 5 to 10. One of the deceased was his mother. I did not know what to think. Its devastating and unnecessary violence.... I don't know how God could let this happen, but I and others will never know.



I look at the world from a different view now. My kids have made me. I still have wants and dreams, but they have ben put on hold. I will go back to school. I start back in January. I am changing my major to medicine. I have been in the restaurant world long enough and now I want to do what matters. I cry daily.
This year has been horrible. Lost Brittney McCormick to a horrible ATV accident on May 2, Coreys Uncle Wayne on the 10th and Mawmaw Dockery on the 14th. Dad lost his battle with illness on Sept 2nd. I was able to spend the last 13 days with him. I watched him drift away. I was able to talk to him before he fell into his coma state. he said he love me and was proud to have me as he daughter. He was my step dad, but never anything less than a father to me! I still cry about him. Aunt Joyce lost her battle on Oct 6th and my brother Timmy lost his battle with cancer (by heart attack) on Nov 14th. Me and Timmy made amends while I was in Florida with dad. WE continued to talk on the phone and computer weekly after I got home. I was devastated from all this. my life, this year, has been surrounded by death. Its a struggle everyday.

Found out I have heart issues and need to lose weight. not much, but I had to change everything in my life. Its life changing, but at 35 with a strong family history of heart disease, I need to be careful!