AN EPIC DISASTER ([info]epicdisaster) wrote in [info]_crossfire,
2005-05-11 21:06:00
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[drabble] Fullmetal Alchemist ~ Friends in Low Places

Friends in Low Places
Roy/Ed. PG-13. 255 words.


Roy gesticulated wildly, tipping his barstool right and left, migrating in tiny zigzags.

"FULLMETAL, I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO DRIVE UNDER SUCH PRESSURE. THIS IS UNSAFE! I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A CARSEAT FOR YOU!"

Ed, sipping water on the stool beside the ragingly drunk colonel, gave him a dubious look. "As great as it has been observing you destroy yourself from the inside out, Col--"

"BRAKING!" Roy cried, throwing his arm protectively across Edward's chest, ostensibly to prevent him from flying through the windsheild, but rather clotheslined Edward, who was so surprised he obeyed gravity.

"FIGHT!" someone slurred, and slapped Roy off his stool. Ed sat up slowly, an attempt expeditiously aborted as a sack o' taisa landed squarely on his chest.

"Never," said the burly drunkard to Roy, "hit a little lady." Ed shoved Roy off, voice a-cracking.

"I AM A MAN! A LARGE MAN!" he screeched with unmitigated rage.

"Hawkeye'll have muh balls," Roy mumbled.

The man's jowls wobbled uncertainly. "Butcha gotta braid," he pointed out. His droopy eyes darkened. "Yer a fairy, aincha? Leadin me on, tryin to rape me, were ya? You faggy sonofabitch!"

Ed lurched to his feet as ungracefully as possible and yanked up a moaning heap of Roy. Roy bent and wrapped his arms around Ed's shoulders, drooling slightly.

The jowly king wove where he stood, pulling out his mustache in consternation.

"I'm driving home, you drunk bastard," Ed mumbled irritably, trying not to eat Roy’s hair.

Roy snorted, giggled, snorted again, and fell asleep.

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  • 8 comments

[info]maboroshi_hime

May 11 2005, 21:16:51 UTC 7 years ago

*keels over laughing* xDD

You have no idea how much I needed this. <3

[info]epicdisaster

May 11 2005, 21:19:11 UTC 7 years ago

XD! I'm glad you liked it.

[info]sapphynashi

May 11 2005, 21:31:06 UTC 7 years ago

*is CRYING*

XDDDDD

[info]epicdisaster

May 11 2005, 21:43:25 UTC 7 years ago

Woah, awesome.

[info]radish_lily

May 11 2005, 21:33:14 UTC 7 years ago

uh... hehe... XD ^_^;;

Interesting.

[info]epicdisaster

May 11 2005, 21:44:23 UTC 7 years ago

Silly drunk drabbles are always riveting.

[info]arctic_dragon

May 12 2005, 08:20:32 UTC 7 years ago

The entire thing is hilarious!!!
...trying not to eat Roy’s hair.
...but this just made me giggle.
Very cute.
^_^

[info]epicdisaster

May 12 2005, 08:30:48 UTC 7 years ago

^^ Thank you!
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