short fic

I actually wrote something. It's been a while, so it's short and not too good. Oh well. It's a Kid Gets Acquainted with Universe fic. I dunno what possessed me to write this, but it was kinda fun writing from a cynic's point of view. Sorry if it sucks.

We're Doing This Story Again!?

Part 1: A Pile of Suck

How long could this show possibly last?

He had asked himself that in the beginning. I mean, it wasn't like he wanted it to end, a job was a job, but the show really sucked. The writers sucked, the plots sucked, the crew sucked, and just how many backstories could one character possibly have? Did anybody actually watch the show and keep their damn facts straight? The whole program was a pile of suck, with sucky directors, sucky catering, and sucky actors.

Okay, admittedly, it wasn't as though his fellow actors couldn't act, they worked together fine as long as they remained in-character. It was whenever the ever-expected "cut!" was shouted that Denise promptly began her stupid overview of the scene -I thought that was well done, what did you think, Ben? I think it could have been a little more enthusiastic- and Schneider all but hid under the couch. Honestly, where did they find these people? A chatterbox who needed a lobotomy and a guy who was nearly on the verge of pissing himself whenever anyone said "good morning". What Ben really wanted to do was invite the guy out to a club just to watch his head explode, and little Schneider bits would rain down upon them. That was entertainment!

Yeah, he was harsh, but after five years, Ben Sandwich figured he deserved to be. Sometimes he wished he really could be Rory, the guy was a dip, yeah, but at least he didn't have to put up with these psychos.

He zipped up his jacket in the early-spring air as he made his way to his car from the studio. In the corner of his eye he could see Schneider making his escape, moving as fast as he could in that hunched-over fashion that clearly said 'don't look at me!', with Denise hot on his heels.

Better move faster, boy, she's gaining, Ben thought, with a little bit of pity for the creepy weirdo. Denise was like a cat, the more you disliked her, the more she was going to rub against you. Once, Ben had found her kinda cute, but the constant bubbliness had incinerated that thought. Yep, she had poor Schneider in the death-hug now. Not his problem. He turned back towards his car.

"Ben!"

Oh no, no way he was gonna get sucked into whatever get-together miss bubbly-I-get-more-fan-mail-than-you could think up. Run away!

Too late.

"Ben, Schneider and I were thinking how much fun it would be if we all went out for dinner tonight! Maybe we can bring Will along!"

Ah Will Frinkle, the new guy. Frinkle had a stick farther up his ass than anybody Ben had ever known, and that was an impressive feat. After that screw-up Eric had come and gone, Will had been brought in and landed the role of Deric. The guy thought he ruled the program, and that pissed Ben off more than anything (it was his sucky show, afterall!) There was no way he was going anywhere with him.

"You've got to be kidding me," Ben said with distaste. He already had to work with these people. Didn't he suffer enough?

"Aw, c'mon Ben! Schneider and me were going to this new Italian place that just opened up. I won't take no for an answer!"

Apparently not.

Schneider on the other hand looked like the clichéd deer in headlights. Screw Shane, throw this guy in front of a moving truck. The role of a lifetime!

Ben made a show of rolling his eyes in annoyance. "Will you shut the hell up if I go with you? And no way is Frinkle coming with us."

She just smiled that creepy-ass too-cheery smile. Honestly, Ben was going to strangle her someday, it wasn't like Schneider would stop him. Hell, the guy probably would cheer him on from the corner! Oh well, might as well get this over with.

With a long-suffering sigh, Ben Sandwich surrendered himself to the will of stupid people.



No, I don't know what I was thinking either.
Constructive criticism much appreciated.