Current mood:	frustrated
Current music:	Somebody Told Me - The Killers

storyyyy...
Heya. Okay well, here's the deal. Currently, i am writing chapter 34 of this story, and I'm just about halfway through. Sooooo. I ned to write and post like crazy so that this DOESN'T last forever.

Hope you guys don't mind too much. ;)

here's some more. I'm posting 2 chapters. And they're probably long. So... yeah.

DO,DK,NH




Links
Links
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23



Chapter 24

After the excitement of the party, the prospect of school on Monday bored Bam. Of course, Sunday had been interesting. When Anna and Ville had left, Jess had pulled Bam into his room and sat him down to give him the ‘big brother talk’.
“I’m not saying I disapprove or anything, Bam, but … are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure it’s worth it? Coming out at the age of 15… sorry, 16… people already make fun of you, and you hate it. This is just going to make it worse. Look, shut up, before you say anything, I’m not trying to dissuade you from seeing this through. Ville is a nice guy; the only guy who I wouldn’t have a problem with. But… just make sure you’re sure. Think about Ape and Phil… they won’t freak out on you but it will be a shock… you need to make sure its all worth it. Okay?”

Bam nodded his way out of the awkward questioning, under the pretense that he had a lot of homework. Instead, he sat in his room with his music blaring and thought about everything. Eventually, deciding that the whole thing was fruitless, he fixed up his new deck and took it out to try it. He didn’t do any grinds or anything, wanting to keep those elegant gold letters in tact as long as possible. But he swore that he skated better on that board.

He rode it to school the next morning. His heart was in his throat when he rolled into the play ground and saw his group of friends standing in their usual place. Ville’s messy black hair was visible above everyone else’s heads, and his stomach did a loopdeloop. It seemed that the whole playground full of people was watching them, as Ville’s head turned and their eyes met. Anna stepped back to let him in next to Ville, and he popped the board and walked to the empty space.
“Hey,” everyone said.
“Hey.” Ville was looking at the board and grinning. When their eyes met, an understanding passed between them, and confidence grew. Taking a deep breath, Bam slipped his hand into Ville’s. Noone in their circle seemed to notice, and, relieved, they left their hands loosely connected by their sides, ignoring the burning gazes of the rest of the school.

They got a few comments – some good some bad – but generally, people seemed surprisingly eager just to leave them alone. So, they just got on with life. They no longer had to save all the kissing for the weekend; Ville would sometimes spend his free periods looking for Bam’s classroom and then walking in front of the window so that Bam could see him – Bam would then be desperate for the bathroom, and they would run in there and make out for a little, before both returning to class flushed and happy.

This all made Bam happy. He was, once again, doing things that no one had ever done before him – at the school, at least. But there was now one major problem that weighed on him: what to get Ville for his birthday. 18 was a bigger number than 16, and to top Ville’s presents to him… well. That would be hard.

There was of course the option of giving him his own body, but something told Bam that Ville wouldn’t want or need this.

Bam told himself that he had a whole two months to think about this, and put it off for later worrying.

A few weeks later, Bam was sat in front of the computer, glaring at the screen. He hated these things. But history projects necessitated research, and he was dutifully googling everything there was to Google about World War 1. He was amazed. You could find anything on Google, if you looked hard enough. Deleting the search term he had been using before, he typed in the first ‘funny’ word he could think of, without realizing the rather dubious results it would have. Without even looking, he clicked on the first result for the search term ‘anus’. The screen was inundated with pop-ups – porn pop ups, most of them gay porn pop ups.
“Goddamit!” If April came in right now, all hell would break loose. He quickly went around closing all the windows, cursing his mouse because it was so slow. He laughed at a few of the pop ups before closing them, but then he saw one which made him stop, with his mouse hovering over the X button.
“Oh my god.” He couldn’t understand any of the text on the pop up, it was in what he assumed was Russian, so he didn’t even recognize any of the letters. There were six pictures of men around 20 years old, in very naked and very provocative poses. But that wasn’t what Bam had really seen. No, what he had seen was a face he knew. Second from the left: he was laying on a couch, Bam assumed, one hand covering that which needed to be covered, the other hand frozen in its provocative path around his chest. But in his eyes there was a certain deadness and sorrow that made Bam shudder. If you looked hard enough at the grainy picture you could see scars on his too skinny body. But the eyes really shocked Bam – because he knew those eyes. He knew them very very well. And he’d seen that face before, though it hadn’t been twisted in an odd expression of forced pleasure and pain when he’d seen it.
“Shit. Shit…” What do you do when you think you recognize someone on a Russian porn – pop up? Bam didn’t know. Who would know? He didn’t know. Jess – Jess knew everything. Jess was at boarding school. Not April… Anna? He picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Anna? Shit Anna… can you come over? Like, right now? Like within the next 10 minutes?”
“Bam, what’s wrong?”
“Just get over here. Please.” Anna was at Bam’s door in 7 minutes. Bam bounded down the stairs and pulled her back up them with him.
“Look at this!” He said, pointing at the screen. Anna’s looked, and then grimaced.
“Awwww Bam. Why?! I don’t wanna see!” Bam roughly pulled Anna’s hand away from her face.
“Look! Look at him!”
“Did you seriously pull me all the way over here because of this?”
“Anna, do you not get it? That… that’s Jesse.”
“Who?”
“Anna! That’s Ville’s… Ville’s brother.” He finally said it, and then he had to sit down, his head in his hands. “Oh my god, oh my god oh my god.” Anna looked closer at the picture.
“Bam, are you sure? This is all in Russian… how can you tell?”
“I’ve seen pictures of him before. That is Jesse. Oh my god Anna what do we do?!” Anna sighed and sat down too, her head also in her hands. She sat thinking for a moment, and then slapped her knees.
“Okay. Here’s the plan. You need to go get a picture of Jesse. I don’t care what you have to do to get it, but you need to get it. Soon. I’ll try and get the URL and IP address of this stupid site, and then… we’re calling the police.”
“Ville’s not home though… which is why I am. He went… actually I’m not sure where but he’s not at home.”
“Even better. Bam… you can’t tell him about this. Understand?! You can’t say anything! It will break him!” She had a grip on Bam’s arm now, and her glare was burning into his eyes.
“Okay, okay, I get it. Jeeze. Okay, you stay here… I’m gonna go get that picture.”

Anita curiously let a very breathless Bam into the apartment, giving him a birthday hug and offering him a cup of tea until Ville got back, which should be sometime soon.
“No, really, I can’t stay. I just… I left something here and I really need it…” He backed quickly into Ville’s bedroom and half shut the door behind him. Odd, thought Anita. Bam was normally such a stable boy… He found the picture in less than 5 seconds, its corner poking out from underneath the mattress. After one look he knew that the person on the pop up was Jesse.
“Okay, I’ve got it, thanks.” He was out the door and skating full speed down the road again before Anita could say goodbye. Shaking her head, she sat down on her couch and turned on the TV. Boys… they were such weird things sometimes.

“Anna. It’s him. Look. It is him!” Anna swiveled in her chair and looked at the picture of Ville and Jesse. And then she gasped. Bam looked at the pop up again, and then had to sit down.
“Shit shit shit shit,” he said, pounding his head. Anna was furiously clicking and typing, scribbling down numbers and addresses on a piece of paper. When Bam looked up again, the pop up had been miraculously transformed into English.
“Shit. How’d you do that?” Anna shrugged.
“Google. It does miracles.” Bam inched closer to the screen to read what it said. And then he groaned.
“That’s disgusting. Oh god. Oh god…” Anna sighed and picked up the phone.
“Houmenta… umm… we have a kidnapping that we’d like to report… no, we know where he is. Russia. 4 years ago… we found him on an internet site… yes. It has a phone number too…” she reeled off names and numbers while Bam watched her in awe. If she wasn’t dating his brother he would have swept her up in his arms and kiss her passionately, but she was, so he didn’t. When she hung up the phone 5 minutes later, she looked over at Bam and smiled grimly.
“They’re on it. They need you to go talk to them, and bring that picture… but those other guys match the faces of the other boys who went missing 4 years ago from the Tavastia. The police say things like this have happened before… there’s a good chance… well there’s a good chance that we might get him back.” She patted Bam’s hair; he was pale and shaking.
“That is so nasty. So, so wrong…” Anna sighed and put her arms around her friend.
“Bam. It’s okay. You found him, Bam. You might have saved his life.” Bam nodded slowly.
“Come on. I’m going to go home… you go take that picture back… stay with Ville for a while. But don’t say anything, okay?! Not one word.”
“I got it, Anna. I understood the first time.” She nodded and smiled at him, and gave him one last hug. He hurried back to Ville’s house – making it there just in time to slide the picture back before Ville got home himself. He was surprised to find Bam waiting for him on the couch next to his mother.
“I was just going to call you,” he said. Bam grinned.
“Great minds think alike…”
“Come on… I want to show you something.” He pulled Bam into his bedroom and sat him down on the bed.
“What? What are you showing me?”
“Look.” Ville pulled a tape out from his bag. “This is Jesse’s band. I was singing. I was … 13. I think.”
“Long time ago, huh?” Ville nodded. He put the tape in the player and sat down next to Bam. Music filled the room – it wasn’t necessarily Bam’s style of music, but he appreciated that it was good. The singing was in Finnish, and it was beautiful. Ville’s voice was slightly higher than it was now, but it was still deep and thick. Ville was mouthing the words to the song. Bam couldn’t believe he still remembered them.
“I had to go ask all the members of the band before I found this tape,” he said quietly. “Jesse had his with him when he… well. You know.” Bam swallowed hard. “I’d forgotten … how much I used to love it.” He sighed. Bam looked him up and down.
“I’m sorry Ville,” he said. Ville shrugged.
“Sokay. Ooh. Listen. This part is great.” It was quite folksy, the music. “Finnish folk songs, but a little modified. They were very… patriotic, I guess. And they did the songs that we grew up to. It was fun.” He smiled. “Don’t you think it’s weird? Both our brothers are in bands… and mine’s called Jesse and yours is Jess… I think it’s a sign.” Bam chuckled.
“Or coincidence.”
“Don’t you think that fate is a little more comforting than coincidence?” Bam shook his head.
“No… because I think fate is scary … it means that you have no control over your life, everything is foreordained for you. You’re just a puppet in a show, dancing to a script. You know? I don’t like that idea at all.”
“But coincidence means that nothing is ever really meant to be, it just happened. And you have no control over it anyways.” Bam sighed.
“I don’t know Ville. I don’t like either of them.”
“Why not?” Bam knew that he didn’t want to hear the reason, but he had asked, so he told him.
“Because by fate or coincidence I got dragged from my home. By fate or coincidence I was separated from my friends and family. Think about it. By fate or coincidence, your brother was taken from you to god-knows where, by fate or coincidence, your mother almost died…” Ville frowned at him.
“You’re such a pessimist right now. That’s supposed to be my job. But look, Bam… by fate or coincidence you got landed in my school… by fate or coincidence we became friends… its because of fate, or coincidence that we’re where we are. And that’s a good place, isn’t it?” Bam nodded slowly. “For all the roses in life there are hundreds of spikes… but don’t you think that the flower is worth it?” Ville put his hand up to stroke Bam’s face. “Cuz I do. I know it sounds horrible… but if Jesse hadn’t gone, I would never have met you. You know? And … that would have sucked.” Bam smiled and kissed Ville’s palm.
“Can we stop the intellectualness Ville? It hurts my head.” Ville rolled his eyes, but pulled Bam into his arms and kissed him gently.
“You know… I meant what I said the other day. I really did. I mean… as far as I know. I’m not very experienced… but Bam… I think I do love you.” Bam smiled a little.
“I … well…” He didn’t really know what to say. He certainly liked Ville a hell of a lot, but love? That was a big word. He knew he’d said it before, but he’d been drunk. Now, he was very, very sober. Ville smiled at his confusion.
“It’s okay. Remember? I don’t need anything back. Just for you to know.”
“Give me time, okay?”
“You can have as much time as you need.” They kissed again, but Bam was distracted. Jesse’s face in that picture on the pop-up was still in his mind, and the music wasn’t making him any better. He sighed, and pulled away from Ville’s lips. Ville wondered what was wrong, but didn’t say anything. Bam snuggled into his arms, yearning for that feeling of protection that he needed but never told anyone about; except for Ville. Ville understood everything. Bam’s fingers trailed up and down Ville’s thin, pale arms. He frowned slowly as they found bumps of puckered pink in the smooth skin.
“Ville, what are these?” He asked quietly, not really wanting to hear the answer. “Ville?” Ville sighed and pulled his arm away, but Bam grabbed it and brought it down to his face. He kissed the scars gently, up and down Ville’s arm. “When did you do this?”
“Two years ago? I don’t know… I haven’t… done it for ages.” Bam fell silent, busying himself about kissing every single inch of every single scar.
“Don’t ever do it again,” he said when he’d finished. “Do you hear? Don’t do this to yourself. Promise me you’ll never ever do it again.”
“I promise,” Ville said: he had no choice, Bam’s eyes were burning into his own. Bam kissed him quickly, and then wrapped Ville’s arms around himself. They stayed like that, talking quietly for a long time, until April called to tell Bam to come home for dinner.

After school the next day, Anna and Bam made a great pretense of going to the skate-park alone together to ‘catch up.’ Really what they did was head straight to the police station, the photocopy of the picture of Ville and Jesse safely in Bam’s wallet. The police took one look at the photocopy, his records, and the print out of the pop-up that they had, and immediately picked up the phone. He called his boss first, and then the Russian authorities, who told him that they would look out for him. The Finnish police officer, by the name of Ilkka, told the two friends that he didn’t believe any of it, and was going take charge of the case himself. Bam and Anna already had a great amount of trust in him from the moment they saw him, so they were relieved. Ilkka was going to call around all the brothels in Moscow – which is where Jesse was, according to the pop-up - asking discreet questions. Then he would call the number on the pop-up itself. He did this all while Bam and Anna watched, switching expertly into fluent Russian. After the 10th phone call, he hung up and looked at them seriously.
“Well now. According to the leader of this brothel,” he pointed at the pop-up. “Jesse, who has been dubbed Andrey, as you can see, is not available at the moment. This could mean a few things: he is otherwise occupied with another client, he is sick, he is dead – unlikely, in this case they would not have him on the pop-up, which is quite recent – or he is in a drug trip and needs to come down a little. However, according to another brothel, this particular one is famous for not having their whores on drugs. This leaves but two options: he is sick, or busy.” Bam and Anna nodded – having cringed the whole way through the explanation because of Ilkka’s straightforwardness. “Now. These brothels will not hold a sick whore. They always dump them in hospitals, even if they have only a cold. The risk of getting everyone sick is too much. So. Now I will call all the hospitals.” Ilkka picked up the phone and made several calls. Not 10 minutes later and he was hanging up the phone with a grim smile.
“Well. We found him.”
“You did?!” Relief coursed through Bam’s body, and uncontrollable, inexplicable joy.
“Yes. And I have told the Russian police where he is. But the doctors say that he is not in a very good state. They want to keep him there to watch him. He is delirious, he doesn’t know who he is or where he is. He keeps speaking in Finnish, which they cannot understand.”
“So… so what’s going to happen?” Ilkka shrugged.
“They will keep him there. The Russian guard will storm the brothel tonight – as you may know the other men in that brothel were also taken from this city, and their families are just as worried as Jesse’s. You two have helped many people – you maybe be proud. Although… I’m not quite sure I want to know how you found this pop-up young man…” He winked at Bam.
“No, I swear… it just appeared.”
“Okay. Well. I will go notify the families now…”
“No. Wait…”
“Yes, Mr. Margera?”
“Can you not tell the Valos?” Ilkka raised an eyebrow.
“It’s just… when do you think they’ll be back in Finland?”
“Less than a month… god willing.”
“Well… it… it’s Ville’s birthday… Ville is Jesse’s brother. And this would be such a perfect birthday present…” Ilkka looked at Bam curiously.
“I don’t know son. I need to tell the other’s parents.”
“If you must… but… well. I suppose either way it’s great news.” Anna took Bam’s hand and squeezed it.
“I’ll see what I can do. Maybe… yes maybe it will work. If I can send Jesse to your home when he arrives, it will work. Is this okay?” Bam nodded vigorously.
“Okay. I will call you when we have any definite news. Thank you, you two.” Ilkka showed them out of the station, and they both hopped on their boards. He shook his head in amazement – someone had some very good friends.





Chapter 25

The next 2 weeks passed agonizingly slowly. Ville knew something was weighing on Bam but he expected him to tell him eventually, so he never mentioned it. Besides, something was weighing on his own shoulders too.
“Bam?” they were laying in a park, enjoying the last of the sunlight. It was starting to get cold again. Early November had seen the onslaught of frost, and people had brought out their coats and hats and gloves and scarves from summer storage. Bam had been wearing a coat for long before everyone else, still not quite used to the low temperatures. He had laughed when he’d been able to see his breath before Halloween – now he was already sick of cold, and sick because of it. He had a bad cold, which was driving him crazy. He snuffled and looked over at Ville.
“Yes?”
“… nevermind.”
“Ville you’re going to get slapped if you keep doing that. It’s like the 20 billionth time you’ve said exactly the same thing today.”
“Sorry.”
“Well will you just spit it out? And then can we go? I’m freezing.”
“C’mere, I’ll warm you up.” Bam rolled into Ville’s arms, and Ville busied himself rubbing Bam’s arms vigorously.
“Ville, you’re doing it again,” Bam said, rolling away again, out of Ville’s reach. Ville pouted and tried to get to him but Bam kept moving back.
“Tell me what you were going to say.”
“I don’t even remember now, come back…”
“Ville Valo, you are such a bad liar. Will you just tell me already?”
“Fine… when did you turn into such a little bitch? Okay… I… I dunno… look… can we just forget this?”
“Nope.”
“Bammmm.”
“No.”
“Come on… I’m cold now…”
“So freeze… I’m not coming back till you tell me.” Ville snorted angrily and crossed his arms.
“Fine… you suck…” Bam smiled at him innocently. “It’s just that… well my mom’s been asking questions lately. Like… why I don’t have a girlfriend… and shit like that. You know?” he shrugged. “That’s all really… I just, I dunno. I suppose I want to tell her. But… I had to ask you first.” He sat up now, hugging his knees. Bam was still laying on the grass looking up at him. It took him a while to respond, and when he did it was slowly and deliberately.
“Well… then let’s tell her… I mean, they all needed to find out somehow… why not now?” Ville shrugged. “Do you think – do you think they will mind?” Ville shook his head.
“That’s not the problem… not really. I mean, they’ll be shocked… but they love you.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah. But… will you come with me when I do it?”
“What, when you tell them?”
“Yeah.”
“Of course… if you want me to.”
“And we can tell your parents too.” Bam shifted uncomfortably.
“I … dunno. Not yet.” Ville frowned at him.
“You are going to tell them, right?”
“Um… eventually. Of course. Just not right this second.” He already had a lot to explain to his parents. Like how in 2 weeks Ville’s big brother, who had been missing for four years was going to turn up from a brothel in Russia at their doorstep. He didn’t really want to add on top of that – oh, yeah, by the way, I’ve been dating Ville for 4 months now, and I think I might be in love with him. That just wasn’t going to work. “Look, we’ll tell them eventually. Let’s focus on your parents first, okay?” Ville nodded. Bam, closer now, hugged him, and then stood up. “Shall we go do it now then?”
“I guess.” Bam smiled and pulled Ville off the floor. They kissed quickly and then walked hand in hand to Ville’s apartment.

Kari and Anita were watching the news together, the shop being closed as it was a Sunday. Ville went in first, and Bam followed soon after. Both of them were shaking a little – they hadn’t planned this or anything. The butterflies in Bam’s stomach were making him feel extremely sick. He looked at Ville, who was paler than normal, and also shaking slightly.
“Aiti, Isä… can we… can we talk?” Anita and Kari looked at Ville curiously; Anita turned the TV off and then looked between her son and Bam. They were both nervously fiddling with their shirts.
“What is it son?” asked Kari.
“Umm… well… I… Bam and I… well. We need to tell you something,” Ville said slowly, stuttering slightly. Neither Kari nor Anita said anything, just looked at them expectantly. “Well. We… the thing is… Bam and I…”
“We’re… together…” Bam supplied. Ville looked at him thankfully, and reached for his hand. Kari and Anita’s eyebrows raised, but neither said anything.
“Yeah. We’ve been… dating for what? 3, 4 months?” Bam nodded. Kari took a deep breath.
“I see,” he said slowly. “So… you, Ville, you’re … gay?”
“Right now I am,” he said slowly. Anita looked between him and Bam, nervously standing next to each other, their hands clasped tightly. She had to smother a smile.
“What does that mean Ville,” she asked.
“It means… that I’m not saying I’m not straight too. But… Bam – he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. And whether you’re okay with it or not, I’m going to keep on seeing him.” Kari and Anita looked at each other, and then smiled.
“We’re not going to stop you being with whoever you want. Anyways,” Anita paused to smile at Bam. “I like him too.”
“We were waiting for something like this to happen,” Kari said smiling. Ville and Bam looked at each other and then smiled widely.
“Thank you for telling us though,” Anita said, standing up to hug both of the boys. “Run along now…” they shooed them out of the room, and as soon as the door to Ville’s bedroom was closed and the music was up, they fell onto the couch laughing.
“Did you see how scared Bam was?” said Anita, clutching her side.
“And Ville… oh my boy…” Kari laughed loudly again, gathering his wife to his side. “I’m proud of him. Of both of them, actually.”
“Me too,” said Anita. They smiled at each other, and then turned the news back on.

Behind the closed bedroom door, Ville and Bam were sprawled on Ville’s bed, kissing passionately. Ville had fallen on Bam as soon as he’d turned the music up loud enough to cover any noise. Bam couldn’t resist him, and didn’t particularly want to. He couldn’t stop his hands; they roamed all over Ville’s hard torso, got tangled in his thick hair, and stuck in the pockets of his pants, their new favorite place to be, after Bam had discovered that Ville had an ass to whoop most of the female race with. Ville’s hands were similarly restless, and they both groped and stroked and petted until they were panting into each other’s mouths.
“Bam… Bam…” Ville breathed, slowly pulling away. Bam pouted a little. “No… we have to stop…” Sighing, Bam nodded ‘okay’ and then moved self-consciously to cover the evidence of their tête-à-tête. Ville watched him and pulled the blanket over his own legs.
“I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay,” Bam said, shrugging. Ville sighed, stroking Bam’s cheek.
“God knows I want to, Bam… but…”
“Ville, it’s okay. Quit apologizing.” He smiled at him, and leant over to kiss his flushed cheeks. “We said we’d take it slow, remember? And we will.” He nodded. Ville shook his head in amazement – no-one else he knew would ever say something like that.
“Have I told you that I love you?” he asked. Bam smirked, and pretended to think about it.
“I don’t know… not recently…”
“Oh. That’s not good… because I do.”
“Quit being a romantic slob and go get me something to drink.” Bam winked at him. Ville grumbled but got up anyways. Bam pinched his ass as it passed him – Ville wriggled it in his face a little, making Bam laugh, before going to get drinks for them.

The next day, Bam had to bite the bullet. Ilkka had called him and told him that Jesse was alright, that they had him and the rest of the captives, and that they would be there on the night of the 21st of November, the day before Ville’s birthday. It was the 13th of November that day, and Bam figured that he should give Ape about a week to prepare. So he pulled her down to the table after he got home from school and said,
“Ape… we have a visitor coming next week.” April raised an eyebrow at him.
“We do?” Bam nodded seriously.
“Yes.”
“Who’s that then?”
“His name his Jesse. He was kidnapped 4 years ago and has been kept in a Russian brothel ever since. He’s 20 now, and Anna and I found him on the internet a few weeks ago.” April rolled her eyes.
“Okay, Bam, seriously, who’s coming?”
“I just told you.”
“Brandon Cole Margera… that is not funny.” But she shifted uncomfortably – he wasn’t smiling at all.
“Mom, I’m serious.” And he just called her mom.
“… who is he?”
“Ville’s big brother,” Bam said quietly. April blinked.
“Come again?”
“Ville’s brother. Jesse. He was kidnapped 4 years ago. I found him on the internet a few weeks ago… then the police got him from Russia and they’re bringing him next week. He’s only got to stay here one night… Ville and his parents don’t know yet. It’s … well, it’s his birthday.” April stared at him.
“You’re serious, aren’t you? Oh, no, those poor people, that poor boy… Well of course he can stay the night… oh dear, that’s horrible…” she shook her head and stood up, bustling away to start getting ready for his arrival. Bam sighed and watched her leave. It would have been a perfect moment to tell her about Ville… but – he just couldn’t.

“Ville?” The English teacher had set them an assignment to do in pairs. Bam and Ville were working together… their hands on each other’s knees and their faces inches apart, which made several people look over at them and laugh.
“Yeah?”
“What do you want for your birthday?” Bam still didn’t have a present – besides the obvious.
“You mean you haven’t gotten me one yet? It’s already Friday Bam… my birthday’s on Monday!”
“I know… I was banking on having the weekend to shop.” Ville grinned and shook his head in mock disapproval.
“I don’t know Bammie. I don’t really need anything… I’ve got you.”
“Don’t make me gag. Seriously, what do you want?”
“I just told you. I meant it. I’m happy.” Sighing, Bam shrugged.
“Okay. Well, I tried.”
“No, okay, you know what I want?”
“What?”
“I want you… to tell your parents.” Ville looked him in the eyes. Bam sighed.
“Ville…”
“Come on, Bam, if my parents didn’t care yours definitely won’t.”
“I’ll see what I can do…”
“Bam, please? I don’t want to keep lying to everyone.”
“We haven’t lied! No one’s ever asked, so we’ve never said anything untrue.”
“We’re lying to them by not telling them.” Bam grumbled.
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell them.” Ville, after checking that the teacher was still absorbed in his magazine, placed a very quick kiss on Bam’s lips.
“That’s all I could ever want, is you, you know that?”
“Ville, will you quit with the romantic shit? Please?” Bam said, but not very convincingly – it melted his insides when Ville said stuff like that. But not in public. That was very uncool. Ville knew exactly why he didn’t like it, and liked to make fun of him – and did it even more. And Bam knew that he did it because it embarrassed him… and they just went around and around in a circle, hitting and teasing each other.
“Boys, please stop talking and do your work,” said the teacher in his proper English accent which always made Bam laugh like a madman. The class looked them, concealing titters, and they both blushed bright red and put their heads down to the paper dutifully.

The phone was ringing, but Bam was in the middle of a shower. Why wasn’t anyone picking it up? Goddamit. He grabbed a towel and raced out of the bathroom, diving for the phone… and bumping into Jess, who coolly picked it up.
“Hello?” Bam glared at his brother, who was down for the weekend, and Ville’s birthday. “Oh. Yeah. He’s right here. And Ville? Will you tell him not to walk around the house naked? Some people don’t want to see it.” Bam glared at him and snatched the phone.
“Hi, sorry, he’s an asshole.”
“That’s okay. Naked? Stay where you are, I’m coming right now.” Bam laughed and frowned at Jess, who was watching him with a smirk on his face. He clutched the towel tight around his waist and went back into the steamy bathroom.
“I was in the middle of a shower.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come to a movie with me – as our last date before I’m 18.” Bam looked in the mirror, fixing his hair with one free hand.
“Sure. A real date? We haven’t had one of those in ages.” He remembered the first – and last – ‘real date’ of theirs. It had ended up with Bam’s only nice shirt completely stained with ketchup and mustard when Ville threw a hamburger at him – in retaliation for Bam spilling coke down his pants. Jess, who was still listening, groaned.
“You two are such SOPS!” he yelled. Bam opened the door and hurled a hairbrush at him, and then closed the door before his brother could retaliate.
“I’d love to. When? You coming to pick me up?” Ville told him that he’d be there in about half an hour to pick him up, and then they’d go to dinner and then a movie. Bam was grinning when he hung up the phone, Ville’s ‘I love you’ still ringing in his ear. He hopped back in the shower and washed the rest of the shampoo out of his hair, and then spent 20 minutes rifling through every drawer in the house looking for the nice shirt that Ape had bought him after the other one had been ruined.
“JESS! DO YOU HAVE A NICE SHIRT I CAN WEAR?!” Jess sighed, opened one of his drawers, and threw a dress shirt at his brother.
“Don’t fuck it up, okay?” April appeared in the doorway, puzzled. Why was Bam pulling on a dress shirt over jeans?
“Bam, what are you doing?”
“Going out,” he said, still wrestling with the shirt, which refused to go over his head.
“Where on earth are you going that you need to wear a nice shirt?” she asked, hands on hips.
“He’s got a date,” Jess said, sounding rather like a 5 year old tattling on his brother for stealing cookies. April’s eyebrows shot up.
“Really? With who?”
“Jess, shut up! I do not.”
“Yes you do! I heard you talking!! You do you do you doooo.” Jess danced around, nimbly avoiding Bam’s kicks.
“Bam, who are you going on a date with? Do I know her?”
“It’s not a …”
“Jess shut the fuck up!” Bam slapped him across the face – hard.
“Shit, you little fucker!” He went to slap his brother back, but April jumped in and seized their hands.
“BOYS! Watch your mouths, both of you! I will not have that word said in my house! Jess, you quit torturing Bam. Bam, I’m not letting you out until you tell me who you’re going out with. Okay?”
“Why do you need to know? It’s not like I’m going to be killed!”
“Brandon Margera! I’m your MOTHER! That’s why I need to know. Why don’t you want to tell me, anyways?! What’s so bad about it.” Jess looked between them both, with an annoying “I’m innocent but I know everything” look on his face. Bam snarled at him.
“Shut up!”
“I didn’t say shit!”
“Boys! Stop it! Jess, quit annoying him! Bam, tell me, or you’re not going anywhere.” Bam glared between both of them, wrestling his arm from April’s iron grip.
“It’s none of your business,” he snarled, and tried to push past her.
“Bam, I told you, you’re not going anywhere. I wouldn’t care, only the fact that you’re so determined for me not to find out makes me think you’re hiding something. It would all just be so easy if you would just tell me, and then you can go!”
“I know who it is,” Jess said, his voice still stuck back in kindergarten.
“Jess, shut up!” April snapped at him. Bam wrenched his hand away again.
“Mom, can I just go?! Please?! It’s not even a proper date! Just let me go!”
“No! I told you already, tell me who it is or else…” They all stopped and looked behind them down the stairs as the front door clicked open and Ville’s voice shouted up the stairs.
“Bam, are you ready?! The movies starting soon.” April turned her head slowly to look at Bam, who was blushing and cursing under his breath.
“Bam can’t come right now,” said Jess – Bam really wanted to kick him. “He’s in trouble.”
“Jess, shut UP!”
“Maybe your DATE will have to wait…” April’s eyes narrowed.
“Brandon Cole Margera…” she said slowly. Ville’s head was now poking up the stairs. Bam was a deep shade of crimson.
“Ville, hold on, I’ll be there in a second,” Bam said, willing his voice to sound normal.
“Bam… seriously. We need to go soon…”
“Ville, he’ll be down in a second,” April said, her voice falsely sweet. She dragged Bam into his room. Ville managed to catch his eyes and shot him a sympathetic look. Jess was grinning at him. He waited until the door was closed and then turned to his fellow conspirator – he knew Bam would never have gotten around to telling his parents, so he’d called in reinforcements.
“You managed it?” Jess nodded.
“I’m impressed. Thank you.”
“No problem. Happy birthday and all that. And uh… if I were you I wouldn’t mention to Bam that we were plotting this… his slaps hurt like fuck.” Ville chuckled and gave Jess a hug.

“Bam. Is this true?” Bam sat on his bed, rubbing his arms and avoiding her eyes. “Bam, look at me.” He turned to face her. “Are you and Ville… in a relationship?” She didn’t know how else to put it. He nodded slowly. “Right…” She took in a deep breath. “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He shrugged. “You should have told me.”
“Well. I didn’t want to, because I thought you might react like this.”
“Like what?”
“Freak out like this.”
“I’m not freaking out. I’m just shocked. I didn’t have any idea that you were … gay.” It took her a lot of effort to say the word.
“I’m not,” he said. She gave him a look that made him feel like an alien.
“You’re not gay and yet you’re dating a boy? Oh. Okay. I see that. Right. It’s nothing to be… ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not gay. I just happen to be having a … homosexual affair at the moment.” He took a deep breath. This was weird. This was very weird.
“Bam…” April didn’t really know what to say. She normally didn’t approve of gay relations. It wasn’t… natural. “Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do with your life, and god knows Ville’s a nice boy, but is this really necessary?” Bam nodded.
“He’s been the only thing keeping me sane around here.”
“But do you have to… date him? Wasn’t being friends enough?” Bam shrugged. “I just… I’m just trying to understand this here, you know?” He shrugged again. Sighing, April clapped her hands to her head, muttering to herself.
“Mom, look… Ville and I have been…” here he took a deep breath “we’ve been dating since summer. And I’m happy and he’s happy. And all our friends know and his parents know… and everyone’s happy. Anyways, you should know me well enough to know that even if you said you’d disown me for it, I’d still go out with him.” April sighed.
“I know. I’m not saying anything like that. I just want you to think this through… it might have a big impact on your life.”
“I have thought it through. And I still want to go out with him. So will you let me out please? We’re going to be late.” April nodded slowly.
“I love you very much, you know that?” He stopped at the door, and turned to her. He was taller than her now; he hadn’t been when they first came. He put an arm around her.
“I know. I’m sorry … to disappoint you.”
“No, you’re not disappointing me. It’s just a shock.” He nodded and squeezed her.
“Come say hi to Ville?” he asked. She shook her head.
“You just go… do you want me to tell your father?” Bam sighed… he’d almost forgotten about Phil.
“Um… actually… no. I’ll do that later… just don’t say anything about it, okay?” She nodded.
“Have fun,” she called after him.
“I will!” He ran down into Ville’s waiting arms, and breathed in his scent for a while.
“And?” Ville asked, looking down at him.
“It’s okay,” he breathed. “It’s okay.” April caught a glimpse of them standing like that as she walked out of Bam’s room into her own. She stopped to watch them as Ville wrapped his arm around her son’s waist and lead him out the door, planting a small kiss on the top of his head before shutting the door behind them. Her heart swelled, with a mixture of pride and … was it disappointment? No… surely not. But whatever it was, it was an odd feeling. Shaking her head, she went into her own room and fell on the bed, suddenly exhausted.
“Mmmm. Apple shampoo?” They were standing on the landing outside Bam’s front door, and Ville’s nose was pressed into Bam’s wet hair.
“You’re good,” Bam said, grinning.
“Thank you.” Ville took another sniff. “God, that’s delicious. I could eat it up.” Bam chuckled.
“Wait till the movie. Come on, let’s go get some food. I’m starving.”
“So am I… but … are you sure I can’t eat you?” Ville whimpered a little. Bam rolled his eyes.
“No, you can’t eat me… not like that anyways.” He winked at his boyfriend and then they both burst out into laughter. Ville’s hand found its way into Bam’s back pocket and they walked into town with their arms around each other, chatting and laughing. They ate dinner at Mc Donald’s, because Bam was paying (he insisted, since it was Ville’s birthday date) and he didn’t have much money. After a very careful dinner, during which they managed not to acquire any stains, they walked quickly to the movie theater, and bought tickets. When they got into the dark theater, they snuck into their seats and took off all their coats and gloves and things. It was starting to get very cold indeed, and Bam lived in a scarf and gloves at all times. However, when all these things had been removed, Ville looked at him surprised.
“What? You look like you just saw death or something.”
“You’re wearing… a nice shirt,” he said. Bam laughed.
“So are you. It’s a date genius, that’s what you do.”
“Yeah… but… you’re Bam Margera! Last time I had to force you into that shirt!”
“Yeah … well… I wanted to look nice for you.” Ville grinned, and had to restrain himself from jumping on him right there. With his tousled, still damp hair and his nice shirt with only one of the tails tucked into his pants properly, he looked… adorable. He chuckled and pulled Bam towards him, pressing a kiss on his lips.
“You always look edible, you know that?”
“Well… you do seem to always be trying to eat me…”
“That’s because you look as yummy as … a nice slice of cherry pie. I could eat you right up.” Bam laughed.
“Cherry pie? That’s most interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever been compared to cherry pie before…” He kissed him, but then someone hissed at them to sit down, so they plunked into their seats, their fingers entwined. The credits started, and Bam felt his eyelids start to get heavier and heavier. He and Anna had been running around, talking to police officers all week and getting things ready for Jesse’s arrival. Bam didn’t really know what he was going to tell Jesse – should he tell him that he and Ville were dating, or should he just say that they were friends? The hospital had said that he had regained most of his consciousness and bearings, but that he was still prone to confusion, and sometimes even anger. The night nurses said he never slept soundly, he was always thrashing in his sleep, and – and this was weird – he would sing too. And call out for Ville, and other names that they didn’t understand. Bam was nervous about the whole thing, and he hadn’t slept properly in weeks.
“Bam?” Ville looked over at him.
“Huh?”
“You okay?” He nodded.
“Just tired,” he said, snuggling his head onto Ville’s shoulder. Ville disentangled their fingers and moved the arm rest up, and then put his arm around Bam, drawing him closer.
“Have we ever been to the movies before? Just the two of us?” Bam shook his head.
“Nope.”
“Oh dear. Well. Do you know what my favorite thing about the movies is?”
“No… but I bet I could guess.” Ville chuckled.
“It’s very dark, and when you’re watching scary movies, you’re allowed to get very close.”
“I like the sound of that. Is this a scary movie?”
“They say it’s the scariest one yet.” Bam grinned at him, and then Ville pounced.

They missed a good 5 minutes of the beginning of the movie – it was in English with Finnish and Swedish subtitles, and Bam actually found himself reading the subtitles rather than listening to the dialogue. When he realized this, he shuddered. Ville, mistaking the shudder for a fright, pulled him closer. As the movie got scarier and scarier, they got closer and closer and missed more and more of the movie for kissing. When the movie finally ended, they had to break apart and wait until everyone else had left, because of the state they were both in.
“Do you know what the movie was about?” Ville asked, as they stepped out into the freezing air – which, coincidently, helped them with their… problems.
“Not a clue.” They laughed and huddled together against the wind, which was blowing off the sea through the streets.
“So. It’s your birthday on Monday, huh?”
“Good job Bam, genius of the year award goes to you.” Bam blushed. Ville kissed his temple and squeezed him around the shoulders. “What’d you get me? Huh, huh?”
“You’ll just have to find out, won’t you?” Bam said, a sparkle in his eye.
“Bammieeee that’s no fair!”
“Ville… you have to wait 2 days. That’s all. Quit whining… you sound like a 5 year old.” Ville grumbled under his breath. Bam sighed, and suddenly whipped him around and pressed him against a wall. Ville giggled.
“Bam, what are you doing?” Ville asked, still giggling.
“Shut up,” Bam said, standing on his toes and crashing his lips onto Ville’s. Ville moaned into Bam’s mouth, and Bam pressed him harder against the wall. The hard bricks were digging into his back, and Bam now had his wrists pinned above his head.
“Bam…” Ville giggled. Bam nibbled at his bottom lip.
“Hmmm?”
“Bammie we need to go home…” Bam moaned, kissing the side of Ville’s mouth, slowly making his way up to his ear. “Bamm…” Bam was ignoring him, thrusting his hips into him. Ville had to fight so hard to keep his reserve from breaking – he did want this, but not now. Not now, now was not the right time. They weren’t ready for this.
“Bam… I mean it… stop…” He took Bam’s shoulders and gently pulled him away. Bam pouted, a look of genuine hurt in his eyes. “Sweetheart, I want to… but not here and not now. We’re neither of us ready for this.” Bam sighed and nodded. Ville was right – he was always right. Anyways, it was cold outside.
“My nose is cold,” he said, breaking the silence that had fallen over them while they were walking closer and closer to home. Ville laughed.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I’ll get you a nose-warmer for Christmas.” Bam grinned. “Haha, that would look so hilarious.” Ville laughed to himself over the image of Bam with a fuzzy nose-warmer on his nose all the way until they were standing at Bam’s door. Bam turned and placed an innocent kiss on Ville’s lips.
“I’ll see you on Monday, okay?” he said quietly. Ville nodded.
“Thanks… I had fun.”
“I did too.”

They kissed once more, and then Bam went inside, and Ville turned around to walk back to his own house. Bam shut the door behind him, a big grin on his face. April looked up from the kitchen table and then rolled her eyes at him.
“Did you have a good time then?” Bam nodded, the comical grin still stuck on his face. April sighed.
“Well I’m glad you’re happy…” He grunted, opened the fridge and drank some milk from the carton. “Brandon Margera… how many times do I have to tell you to not do that?” Bam shrugged, wipping his mouth on his sleeve. “What time is Jesse going to be arriving tomorrow?”
“They didn’t say exactly. Probably around 12ish. I’m gonna go to bed now, okay?” April shrugged.
“Good night.”
“And April?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for not freaking out.” He winked and ran up the stairs, poking his head in Jess’s room – not surprised to see Anna there too.
“Jess, you are a fuckhead,” he said. “Hi Anna. You spending the night?” She nodded.
“Have a nice date?” she wanted to know.
“Brilliant,” he said, winking.
“What was the movie about?” Jess asked.
“Uhhhhh…” Bam frowned, trying to remember something from the reviews. “Uhh… well. Someone died and there was a ghost and… people died and … well whatever. It was good.”
“Uhhuh, or at least the sex was,” Jess whispered, loud enough so that Bam could hear. Bam threw his shoe at him. Anna laughed.
“Look how red he is!” she squealed. “Are you still a virgin Bam?” she asked. Bam looked at her incredulously.
“What the hell?” Jess laughed.
“Anna darling, he hasn’t been a virgin for a long time – I trained him well…” Anna sighed.
“Men. You’re all the same. Sex on the fucking brain.”
“You brought it up!” Bam exclaimed.
“Yeah… but…”
“Are you still a virgin?” Bam demanded. Anna blushed and looked at Jesse, who was also trying to conceal the reddening of his cheeks.
“Oh my god guys,” he said, trying not to laugh.
“Bam… I … why the hell are we talking about this?” Anna sighed and pulled the covers over her head. Bam moved from his position in the doorway to sit on the bed with them. Anna mumbled something from under the covers.
“What was that?” She sighed and came back up.
“I said… I haven’t been a virgin for a while either.” Jess raised an eyebrow, as did Bam.
“What? Well come on Jess, you knew that. And Bam… I thought you would have known … oh wait. Nevermind.” She thought it was best not to say anything more. Bam was into the conversation now, though, and he wanted to know details.
“Come on Anna, who was it then? Tell me!” Anna shook her head.
“Do I know him? What kind of question is that? Of course I do. Who is it!?” Jess was also looking at her questioningly. She sighed. She was crap at keeping secrets.
“You really want to know?” They both nodded.
“… Ville…” Bam’s eyebrows shot upwards and his jaw hit the floor.
“Really? What?!”
“We were going out, remember? God. You have the memory of a mongoose. I loved him. Well – you know. As much as you can… at that age. So I slept with him… but then afterwards he felt guilty and told me he’d had an affair and broke my heart and … well you know the rest.” She nodded resolutely, still bright red.
“He… he slept with you?”
“Bam… it’s not that big of a deal… it was a long time ago… Don’t be mad…” Bam shook his head vigorously.
“No…No, you don’t understand - I’m not mad… I just want to know how you managed it!” Jess and Anna stared at him, and then burst out in laughter. “No, I’m serious! How did you get him past… kissing?”
“Oh god Bam why are we having this conversation?!” Jess exclaimed, pulling a pillow over his head.
“Because I want to know!!!” Anna heaved a sigh and shrugged.
“Maybe … his outlook has changed. Or maybe he cares more about you so he doesn’t want to rush it or whatever. Look – he didn’t really love me. He needed it, you know? He felt like dying at that point in time, and I was the only person who wanted to keep him alive. But now… he really does like you Bam. He probably doesn’t want to ruin it.” Bam shrugged. He supposed it made sense. Jess still had the pillow over his head, moaning to keep out the sound.
“Don’t want to hear it, don’t want to hear it, not going to talk about my brother’s gay sex life… no no no no…” Bam slapped him hard on his upraised butt, making him yelp. Anna laughed; Bam rolled his eyes.
“I’m going to bed now… big day tomorrow. You’re staying until he’s here, right?”
“Of course. I want to see him.” Bam nodded at her.
“Goodnight. Be good you two.” He closed the door, and threw himself down on his bed. He was already nervous; anxious of what to do and what to say, and scared that he wouldn’t be able to handle the situation. Eventually he drifted off; he dreamed of popcorn and movies and kissing in the dark; green eyes and brown hair and pale skin; a voice from heaven and hearts and stars combined. He dreamed of an angel trapped in an earthly cage; of West Chester in flames, Helsinki floating on ice. But when he woke up, he didn’t remember any of it. He simply sighed and swung his feet over the edge of the bed, ready to face whatever the day was bringing him.