| I think it would be great if sledding was always enough...but it isn't. |
[04 Dec 2009|11:26pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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music |
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the killers |
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So, Im taking advantage of my 3.00 for a paid account and I redid my lj with PENGINS. Look at it please lol. I did that because I used to know who would read my lj and who wouldnt but times have changed so I'm just making everything f/o (impossible on a normal account. easy as pie on a paid. hence the 3.00) and then my LJ entries from here on out will be public until I update or feel like making it f/o. :D. Dont worry. I swore Id never make it f/o and I havent. Not really, anyone reading this has already read what ive said. haha.
Besides, since Ive stopped associating in any way with anyone still in or who was in highschool with me, theres been NO LJ drama.Huh. Strange. ;)
Im making my LJ into a book! Did you know you could do that? I didn't. But you can! It's only going to be my senior year into college though because those are my best lj enteries ever where I quoted perks every time I updated and I felt like the whole world was infront of me. I feel now, that its like in Pirate of the Carribean 3. when Norrington told Jack that the world was being filled in, the map was getting smaller and smaller and smaller. But when I was 18 the entire world was still there. There wasn't anything filled in, I hadn't even tried to fly yet. Nothing was ruined or dissapointing or lack luster. It was possible that the world out there was paved in gold. In hindsight I should've been more realistic but I'd never give up that year of total blind idealism for all the money in the word. Even to be right. Because I really was infinite. And I'll love that forever.
/awkward segway into present dealings/
I had a really fun time today! I went ice skating with Andy and Dave and Andys friends Sara and Christine. They are all gay and all couples. It was really really cold out, but I was happy to be skating. They played Charlie Brown music and that just made it so much better. It made me feel like a little kid and how really lucky I am that I can tap into it like an untapped source. If that makes any sense. A lot of people give up that feeling, but I always have it locked inside of me ready for use and never ending. And that's why I love holidays so much. And Christmas is very magical and as me and amanda say-there are twinklies everywhere. I mean everywhere. And we had hotchocolate. TWICE. And being outside under all the lights and going so fast like you could take off and fly over the city..its just a feeling I love ;D. We even taught dave how to ice skate and I think he got the hang of it! And we kept talking, like big discussions about gay marriage and our country and computers but no matter how adult we all seemed at one point or another (saras gf thingy is almost 30!) we all seemed like kids the secnd we stepped on that ice. Magical right? I love spending time with Andy and Dave too because they know how to have fun and to be crazy and Dave is an excellent baker and host. He put sprinkles in my hot cocoa! sprinkles! How nice. He even attempted to teach me how to croche. But I'm afraid the lesson was lost on me :/ haha.
And I also spent time with Amanda, in which we discovered nothing haschanged since we were 16 making movies in her computer room at 3 in the morning when we had school the next day. :D. And I like that, I like that constant in my life. She'l always be amanda even when she's old. In which case she'll be sue...err oh my god im dores. hahhaahaha. She is the funniest person I have ever met period. And I hope those vidoes never make it on youtube. :P.
My birthday is in a week, and I've been thinking about it alot. What it will mean to not be a teenager anymore. To really officially shed the skin I've had since I could remember, because even when you're 10 you think you're 17. So a whole decade, you know like the killers say "the decades dissapear like sinking ships, but we perservere" two decades. Poof. Gone. It's insane and I feel old.
On jan. 8th I will be getting a tatto that I think will make me stronger and remind me that I was chosen to live and I am lucky to be alive. And that I should live every single day like it is my very last, but I don't understand how to do that when things aren't infinite anymore. All of my what ifs and what would happens are filled in and I have to make new ones But I don't have any new ones. Sometimes I never want to go to paris so I can still have a dream that can't be disolved. Sometimes I want it to be like Up. Waiting for my life to start when it's already started this whole time. I should find that paper Id id for mr.tritto about how I'm 40 and I am feeling just like I am right now. Isay that in my paper I say "I've spent my whole life waiting for my life to start but it's already started and Im not done yet." That's all I remember besides me and amanda living in Disney World married to Princes or something equally ridiculous. I think it's sad I guessed my life at 40 and it was really my life at 20. Sometimes it just doesn't take that long I guess. Hm.
Well, whatever happens happens I guess...I'll just keep enjoying the little things. Like Disney World. and Christmas. And I hope every one remembers to give presence this year-not presents. :D. We're lucky to be where are and to be in a great position ot help others, why not use it?
I should sleep this is a classic late night alessa thought too much entry. oh well. enjoy yoursevlves out there in internetland.
xXx
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[03 Dec 2009|07:00pm] |
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[02 Dec 2009|07:28pm] |
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[30 Nov 2009|06:10pm] |
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[26 Nov 2009|11:31pm] |
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[24 Nov 2009|10:42pm] |
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[24 Nov 2009|07:34pm] |
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[23 Nov 2009|02:51pm] |
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[23 Nov 2009|02:47pm] |
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