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Someone · set · us · up · the · snark!
You have no chance to survive make your recaps
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This episode is one of my favorite TOS episodes. Why? I'm not quite sure. Maybe it's the philosophical bickering between Spock and McCoy that goes beyond the usual illogical/green-blooded insults. Or maybe it's Kirk's complete dismissal of the prime directive. Or maybe the constant references to sex. In the following episode, Spock gets heroically injured twice, Chekov has a girlfriend, and the word of the day is "Paradise". ( Oompa Loompa Doopa Dee Doo, I've Got Another Violation Of The Prime Directive For You ) |
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I dedicate this recap to my friend Steve who adamantly insists that this is the best episode ever. I’d even ask him to guest recap it, but I don’t think he’d do a recap, and besides, I have a feeling the entire thing would read like a love letter to Mark Lenard. I have to admit, it is a great episode. There are Romulans, Bird of Preys, and a Neutral Zone. Also, it features my favorite Leonards: Leonard Nimoy, Leonard McCoy, and Mark Lenard. In the following episode, Spock's "dad" kills people, I miss Chekov, and Kirk is valiant. ( Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the Neutral Zone!! ) |
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Back to Part 2!Jane's bedroom. Jane lounges on the bed wearing a frilly nonsexy nightcap and a nonsexy nightgown, while Bets has let her hair down and is sporting a sexy, if probably wrong period, corset. I mean, the sort of dresses Elizabeth wears in this movie have high waists and décolletage(s?), so there's really no need for her to wear a waist-reducing corset at all. Long corsets were to promote good posture. I can't tell from the video if Bets is squeezing her in the middle or not. Anyway, Jane gushing "Such ease ... such manners ... such perfect breeding!" I don't think that the Jaw is capable of breeding, what with his robot heritage. Oh, she's talking about Angry Sean Austin. The way he got her punch! The dances he danced some of the time with her! The angry words he angrily spat at the Jaw! Such perfect party-going! ( Read more... ) |
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Back to Part 1Dude (it's Bingley, but you don't get a super-good look at him) goes trotting down the highway to visit the Bennets. The Bennet girls, all of them, crowd to the window to get a peak at him. Lydia sneers that he would only be somebody if he were an officer. Jane shoos them away. Only she and Bets can oogle the new-comer! Beauty before age! They watch through an upper window as he gets off his horse and walks indoors. He's wearing a blue coat. "I like him. He appears intelligent and serious!" Jane says, managing to (a) use two words that I would never use to describe Bingley and (b) decide this from the way he gets off his horse. "Looks are not everything!" she babbles on. "Character is more. And accomplishment, of course." It sounds like she's trying to talk herself into marrying a plain, yet rich man. Did somebody switch Jane and Charlotte's brains? ( Read more... ) |
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Pride and Prejudice (1980) I've wanted to write this for a while, but - nobody has seen this version! It's rather hard to find in a video store, for reasons that I'm sure have nothing to do with its quality. Then I found out it's on Youtube. In annoyingly short segments, of course, but bear with me. I thought, as an experiment, I would cover one segment at a time. Tell me what you think! ( Read more... ) |
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The Naked Time is one of the most popular TOS episodes, despite the fact that no one actually gets naked. I guess the episode title is referring to how they all "bare their emotions", but to me, it just sets up a let down. When I am promised naked Nimoy, I want some goddamn naked Nimoy!In the following episode, Shatner overacts, Spock cries, and Sulu swashbuckles. ( One Remained In Critical Orbit Over The Cuckoo's Nest. ) |
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Hi, guys, I'm ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) recapsule and I'll be sharing the honor of recapping TOS with redcoast. --- Before I start recapping this episode, I’d like to point out that it was, in fact, the first episode aired, but not the first one produced. If you are reading this one first, it might result in a lack of continuity... Haha! Just kidding! There is nothing remotely resembling continuity in Star Trek. Got it? Good. In the following episode, Spock promotes domestic violence, Kirk is emotionally unstable, and McCoy "gets" "the girl", but he doesn't get her, and she is not a girl. Ladies and Gentlemen: The Man Trap ( We've replaced McCoy's normal cup of ex-girlfriend with a salt creature. Let's see if he notices! ) |
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In which we discover Spock is insensitive to rape victims, Bones has an emergency stash of Saurian brandy, Scotty is incompetent, Sulu is annoying, and Kirk has a good side and a bad side, but both are kinda gay. ( Double, double, toil and trouble ) |
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Yeah, yeah, I know, Bridget Jones and the next Star Trek episode. I'm working on them! But first, here is a speedier, shorter recap of Stargate, the first movie. I'd never seen it before, and I quite liked it. Tell me if you like the new style, or if it's not funny enough. ( Read more... )
Current Location: |
Alien Egypt |
My Mood: |
 loving you with my recap |
My Music: |
DA! Da-da-DA-dum-DA! | |
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Okay, one quick thing before I finish the Les Mis recap. It's been a wonderful and a horrible year for me, but recapping has always been a bright spot. Except for when I had to recap the new Pride and Prejudice. But though recapping it was a chore, discussing it with you guys was a blast. I know that my tastes are pretty eclectic, but I aim to please, so this poll is aimed at those who only read this for ( the Pride and Prejudice stuff: )( Now, on to the recap! ) |
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sporkgoddess's comments and finals week has inspired me to finish this recap. God-awful movies make me happy! So, Uma Thurman has just fainted. "Wooter! Wooter!" JV snaps. Faster, dammit, or she'll dry to death! JV's humble hut. Fantine is sleeping on the couch, and the doctor is audibly pessimistic. "I DOUBT SHE'LL SURVIVE. BETTER SUMMON HER DAUGHTER SO SHE DOESN'T LOSE THE WILL TO LIVE. OOPS, I HOPE SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME GOODNIGHT." The doctor prescribes TLC and a butload of nurses. Amazingly, there are no nurses in town willing to get up in the middle of the night to care for a sick person. Yes, I know, it's hard to believe how awesome their union is. JV is forced to play nurse. JV takes a bowl of water and some linens to her bed. These scenes always remind me of "Teacher's Pet," an old romantic comedy, when Clark Gable is supposed to put a drunk friend to bed and doesn't really know what to do, so he takes off his pants. I mean, really, what should you do? Strip a stranger so they'll be comfortable? Because the discomfort of sleeping in your clothes for a few hours is decidedly less than waking up naked in a stranger's bed. JV finally decides he'd better take off her corset, presumably because it's still soaked with melted snow, or perhaps so she can breathe. ( Boobies! And child prostitution. )
My Mood: |
 accomplished | |
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So, that last episode was pretty good. Pretty cool. I mean, there were people with psionic powers attempting to take over the galaxy, space chess, space poetry, philosophy and stuff, and the Enterprise attempting to overcome its greatest challenge yet: desert food. But this is even better. It's more like a normal Trek episode in a lot of ways; Bones, Uhura, and Yeoman Janice Rand makes their debuts. Kirk takes off his shirt and decides he needs to go on a diet. Spock wears a blue shirt, almost apologizes, and talks about his childhood. Bones makes fun of Kirk the whole episode. Grapefruit juice. Mom jeans. The navigator's position threatens comparison with the Spinal Tap drummer. And if that can't convince you to read the recap, consider this: behind this cut is the most horrifying thing you will ever lay eyes on. And it's not Shatner's nipples. ( The Enterprise attempts to overcome it's greatest challenge yet: various geometry shapes. ) |
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I’m a Star Trek virgin. More or less, that is. Though now I do know a bit more than when I wrote this post - it’s amazing what you can gather from SpikeTV shows on in the background! Like, now I think I can name all the members of TNG main cast. (Picard, Worf, Wesley, Wesley’s mom, the Greek chick, Data, Picard - no, wait - the blonde security chick - no, wait - ) But, for the most part, I really don’t know what this is all about. Aside from Kirk/Spock sex, of course. Now, some people may demand I resign my geek card. I say this makes the ideal person to comment on the series. I’m unbiased! I know nothing about the fandom! (Except for Kirk/Spock.) If you really want me to explain how I managed to live as long as I have and never laid eyes on Bill Shatner's exposed Canadian nipples, read that thread I linked to. Of course, I'm not completely unspoiled. I mean, who isn't? It's really hard not to run into certain aspects of the fandom. And I have watched about, oh say - well, I'm on Vol. 10 in Netflix, so let's say twenty episodes of the original series. That is to say, about 2.7%, or my math is wrong, and it probably is. So, in summary, Star Trek virgin, unbiased reporter. On to the recap! ( An old friend of Kirk's develops superhuman powers ... so Kirk and Spock kill him ) |
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Okay, you know the DVD menu? I keep opening it to the "Bonus Features" so I can hear the bone-chillingly good music there. The music on the main menu and scene selections drives me up the fucking wall, however. And in other news, I've actually purchased a copy of this movie. I don't know if I'll ever receive it, because my post office doesn't know that I'm back in Memphis for the summer and is still forwarding my mail to my home town, so who knows? But why pay for a Netflix subscription, which is pretty expensive, if all I do is keep the same movie month after month? It was only eleven bucks, too. Anyhoodle. ( Read more... ) |
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The next morning, Mrs. Bennet mixes up a home-remedy for hangover, and pleads with Mary to stop practicing. Everyone looks a little hung over, actually. Mr. Collins sneaks down the stairs, and clears his throat. Mary's the only one who notices, because she likes Collins and actually values him as a human being. Mr. Collins steps closer to Mrs. Bennet, and asks if he can speak to Keira sometime in the morning. Keira is terrified, but her mother orders the family out of the room. Now their breakfast is ruined. Great.( Read more... )
Current Location: |
Her parlor |
My Mood: |
 Emo. Duh. |
My Music: |
The ambience ha ha! | |
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Pride and Prejudice.
Disclosure: I think Keira Knightley is a pointy-toothed, flat-chested, scary-necked, slump-shouldered, stick-skinny, personality-free talentless annoyance, which would be just fine if she chose roles that required her to wear trousers, yell a lot, mangle her irritating English accent, and scare a generation of virgin boys into heterosexuality, as she did in Bend it like Beckham, but instead her publicity agent has steered her into her gazillionth role wherein she's generally irresistible; and here, she is playing the spunky heroine in love with whom we are supposed to fall. Well, if you've read this far without scrolling down to the bottom to leave an angry comment, then you'll get through the recap. I don't think my preconceptions about the actors make me unobjective about their performances. I loved Matthew Macfadyen before I saw this movie, yet that didn't stop me from noting that he dialed down his usual low energy approach to acting until he hit "comatose." However, my observations are colored by the fact that I'd love Keira Knightley to disappear, and that needs to be said.
( Read more... ) |
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Parody of Hulk, which I quite liked. Eric Bana is cute. Nick Nolte's hair is scary. ( Read more... )
Current Location: |
South America |
My Mood: |
HULK SMASH! |
My Music: |
Eep! | |
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Everybody gets rejected in this part. There are, count 'em, four rejected marriage proposals, one turned-down bribe, one turned-down date, one dumped girlfriend, one rejected book offer, and one cold glass of ice water thrown into one undeserving face. I think that's some kind of record. The boys of Utah will have to invent new ways to get dumped. ( Read more... )This second part covers the second thirty minutes of the movie, which, in total, is 100 minutes long.
My Mood: |
 ancient Native-American bear |
My Music: |
Bling Bling Daddy Daddy Bling Bling | |
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
__recapitulate_
h-h-h-h-hot!
only smiling
artistically sick