| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|08:22 pm] |
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no one gets me cause I don't even get myself. it's frustrating. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|11:00 pm] |
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I haven't written in so long, over two weeks, and that makes me feel horrible. I have things to write about, but I just can't seem to put them into words. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|10:45 pm] |
1) I'm nearly done my resume, only one more line to go! ...it doesn't help that my boyfriend did 95% of it for me... I never asked him to do it for me..I just asked for some help... I wish that we could have worked on in together, in person. Rather than him randomly doing it and sending it to me and telling me to fill in the blanks...I'm still thankful though
2) I feel guilty asking him not to go. I'll probably never know how it feels to move to another country and want to go back. Every time I tell him I don't want him to go my heart breaks a little for being so selfish and not thinking about how he feels.
3) I'm feeling way too pressured to do well, and that if I don't do well, it's my fault and my fault alone. I appreciate the fact that you want me to have a good future but the way you're trying to make sure of that stresses me out more than it makes me want to work hard. I've never done well and to HAVE to do well is hard for me. I wish you could understand that.
4) I wish that he would love me unconditionally, regardless of what happens...but I've lost all hope in that. I'm so afraid of losing him I cry every time I think about it...for the past week I don't remember a day where I haven't cried..there's just too much that I have to do and I can't handle it all... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|10:24 pm] |
I hate shows like "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" for their exploitation of the "recovery" or "rehabilitation" process of addicts or others with psychological problems, but I'll be damned if I missed an episode.
Lately, it's the only avenue I'm able to find that leads me to that "dark place" that I keep repressing more and more as I just try and conform to others' opinions of me being "fine" and "put-together." |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|09:56 pm] |
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Every time I eat, I hate myself a little bit more. I wonder how much longer this can last before I run out of hate. What do I do then? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|09:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
i've seriously considered wasting this whole roll of film just because you're on it.
but...
i know better.
i can't just throw away 20 something photos just for one photograph that does not even show your faces...
next time i plan on taking more.
nah better yet i'll take your polaroids.
(INSTANT MEMORY)
(INSTANT GRATIFICATION)
(INSTANT PROOF)
perfect. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|06:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pretty Rave Girl | ] |
>I'm not ashamed of who I am.
>I'm not ashamed of what or whom I've done.
>I don't believe you when you say you don't care about my past.
>I'm not in love with you.
>It's a good thing I have such high self-esteem, because if I didn't, the things you say to me would make me kill myself.
>I like the Twilight movies (but the books still suck)
>I'm Team Jacob
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|06:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
o1: I really, really like him, but I won't talk to my parents because it's too soon after I got out of a serious relationship.
o2: I'm trying to be strong, saying "I won't text him first today", and even though I don't, I'm still picking up my phone every two minutes to see if he's texted me yet.
o3: I feel like I'm dishonoring my ex's and I's relationship by falling so fast. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|07:59 pm] |
i never want to stop trying for him.
i think it's pretty clear he doesn't want me and i know better, but i want to keep at it more than anything... but the idea of being called a stalker is what holds me back from going all out and never leaving him alone. it's stupid.
this is how i am with all relationships.
he's the first male i've been in love with since middle school... and i'm kind of scared he'll be the only male. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|04:56 pm] |
I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
-Meiko, Boys With Girlfriends
Please stop flirting with me.! I'm friends with your girlfriend, she's a really nice girl |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|03:49 pm] |
- I am ashamed to realize that I think about doing it just because I can.
- It really hurt me when you blew me off the other night- no call, no text, no nothing. Seriously?
- I still can't believe you'd ever tell him that I sat there and fucking cried just to make him feel bad. I know you didn't mean it badly but I think that's one of the meanest things you've ever done to me.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|03:41 pm] |
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I hope it is possible to fall in love again with a different girl. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|02:03 pm] |
My Aunt Bunny once told me that when I was born, the Devil painted my body with his transparent blood.
“That’s why you’re invisible,” she said. “That’s why no one loves you, Cellophane Girl.” |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|02:50 pm] |
Tomorrow is your birthday.
And I am not going to give you any wishes, you do not deserve them. Asshole. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|01:15 pm] |
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I didn't shower this morning because I still smelled like you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|04:56 pm] |
1- I wish I had Swine Flu, would give me an excuse not to eat. And not to go to school.
2- I totally regret ever making friends again with her, she ruined everything.
But now she's gone again, I sort of miss her.
3- I don't miss you. But I miss what we used to have, whether it was real or not.
4- I really like him, even though we've never spoken. |
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| I Am A Nerd. |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|09:44 am] |
I'm 21, and I still collect Bionicles. I have the original ones as well as the mini versions of them, and I just got the 8988 Gelu that I put together last night after a late WalMart run.
Hehehe. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|12:04 pm] |
I'm almost 22, still live at home and have a reasonably happy family life.
I understand sex is a perfectly natural and fun thing to do, but waking up at 6am to hear my parents bed squeaking and some rather strange noises coming from the other end of the house still freaks me out.
My secret: My boyfriend works away a lot, so I only see him one weekend out of every three or four.
I'm jealous my parents get more sex than I do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|06:03 am] |
I wish I wasn't so afraid of driving. I'm going on 25 and I STILL don't have a lisense; I feel god awful when I have to ask for my mom or my sister to give me a ride to wherever I need to go.
Feels bad, man. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|01:02 am] |
hating you is easier than missing you
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