| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|10:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  productive | ] |
I really want to do an artistic job as I'm quite good at that but I'm afraid I won't enjoy it if I did it full time as art is just a hobby for now which I thoroughly enjoy. But then again I like an office job and doing the dull things other people hate like photo copying and typing up documents which hope to lead me to a managerial role once I gained more skills.
I can't decide which direction to go. |
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| Second guessing. Self-doubt. |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|04:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | productive | ] |
I've been a grammar freak ever since I can remember, but I didn't begin using proper grammar and capitalization on networking sites until a few months ago. I do it purely because I want to, but sometimes I glance at things I've typed and they remind me of the way my ex-best friend used to type. I don't think I will ever get over the way she took my dignity, my identity, my self-esteem, my privacy and my life. at the same time, sometimes i think i want to go back to typing like this. But I don't, because it would seem weird. I care way too much about what people think of me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|12:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Elton John - This Train Don't Stop There Anymore | ] |
I love singing Elton John songs loudly when it's late and I am the only one home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|01:10 am] |
I am starting to realize- after 5 years- that what you have been doing to me is sexual assault and that you are the reason that sexual contact is terrifying to me.
It ends here.
You'll never touch me again. |
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| Lonely |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | If ever you in my arm again-Peabo Bryson | ] |
I feel so lonely i could cry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|09:44 pm] |
I have been waiting for so long to move out of LA again since I moved back a year ago. There was never anything for me here.
But now, I have a really good reason to stay, but the moving plan has already been set in motion.
It's bittersweet and I'm confused. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|10:45 pm] |
All I've been doing is sitting around and stuffing my face, making excuses to eat and cut myself.
I should be working out and restricting.
WTF is wrong with me?
I hate how I'm so paranoid about gaining back all the weight I lost when I KNOW it's happening.
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|10:38 pm] |
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I think you need to grow up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|10:18 pm] |
One of the large reasons I'm
Loosing weight is because I
Want to be tiny as hell compared
To my horrible step sister,
Who made fun of me for YEARS
For being slightly larger.
I'm smaller than her now,
But I want to strut out
In a bikini, and watch
Her jaw drop.
I want her to feel the pain
I've felt for so long.
Revenge is best served cold.
And its coming full force. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|09:11 pm] |
Sometimes...only sometimes...I wish I could start cutting again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|06:34 pm] |
I have always felt that I'm alone on everything.. My friends find me obnoxious and irratating (though they won't say it, they don't have to), my mom couldn't give a shit about the things I care about, and my family and I are COMPLETELY different; worst of all, I don't care, I don't even want to make it with them...
I feel like my stupid teenage "EMO" stage is coming 4 years late. I'm nearly 20 and I feel like an adolescent teenager with nothing better to do but complain.
They don't understand me, who would? I sure as hell don't. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|05:48 pm] |
My mom is having a hard time dealing with the fact that my boyfriend and I are sexually active at our age.
Today, she told me that she would rather have us do it in a bush than in a bed because as a teenager, I'm not supposed to have pleasant, comfortable sex. We're supposed to stumble around and be clumsy and it's supposed to be miserable because she didn't enjoy sex until mid-twenties. That's a shocking thing to say, even coming from her. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|08:23 pm] |
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I can't wait to get away from this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|11:41 pm] |
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I want to feel loved. Desperately. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|05:37 pm] |
I am constantly checking my inbox to see if I got any new emails. I hardly ever do.
I constantly sign in to MSN to see if anyone will talk to me. They hardly ever do. |
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| Scare to ask her out. |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|01:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Saving all my love for you-Whitney Huston | ] |
My beloved psychology class is gotta be over in 3 days, i want to ask my prof out just for a cup of Starbucks, but i am chicken out, and scare of getting her into trouble.
I been feeling so depressed over this all week, i feel pathetic.
I am scare of hugging my professor because i am scare i won't able to let go and i am scare that i will keep wanting more and more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|01:23 pm] |
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I'm so tired of feeling judged by society because I'm saving myself for marriage...and not for religious reasons. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|01:06 pm] |
To deal with my general feeling of crap, I've been gorging myself.
Which is great, really. I'll be unhappy and fat.
This summer feels like the worst I've ever had. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|02:16 pm] |
i talk to myself all the time, and play out situations in my head exactly how i want them to happen.
they never happen.
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|12:55 pm] |
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I go to an all girl high school. Next year I'm finally allowed to take a class at the all boy high school. It will be the first time in three years I'll be in a classroom with boys again. I'm actually incredibly excited for the summer to be over and school to start again. I have a feeling I'm going to regret thinking this way when September comes around. |
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