these are my thoughts written down on paper

The One Where They Meet Online, Part One (SGA, McKay/Sheppard, pg)

Sun, 04 May 2008 15:56:42 GMT

Title: The One Where They Meet Online
Author: siriusly_sex
Rating: pg
Word Count: 10,244!
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis AU
Character(s)/Pairing(s): McKay/Sheppard, with cameos by at least twenty other characters.
Summary: AU. This might be what you'd get if you mixed How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, You've Got Mail and Maid in Manhattan in a blender with the setting on SGA, but probably not. Jeannie signs Rodney up on an online dating website.
Warnings: none, unless you're allergic to IMing and kisses.
Disclaimer: fic-tion n. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story
A/N: Original idea started here by me, out of sheer boredom. Lots and lots of love to thiscanbegin for looking this over, helping me when needed and listening to me complaining on AIM. *glomps you!* Also, as I'm pretty sure this is my first fic over 2,000 words long, and it was my goal this year to write something longer than 10,000 words, I celebrate! \O/! (Of course, this means I have two separate it in two posts.)

When Rodney turned 37, Jeannie told him to get married. Not in so many words, but instead of giving him a party, she set him up on a blind date with her co-worker Katie Brown. Katie was really nice and pretty, and they did go out for a while; it was longer than any other relationship Rodney had ever had. But, Rodney accidentally forgot their one year anniversary (because it was his birthday! You can't expect him to remember that!), and then accidentally insulted her at the party (naming plants was dumb, no matter how many glares Jeannie gave him), and then accidentally broke up with her.

So, the year after that, when Rodney turned 39, Jeannie signed him up on LantisLove.com, a new internet dating site that Rodney had never heard of. Apparently it was one specifically designed for the Colorado Springs area. "What the hell does 'Lantis' mean, anyway?!" Rodney wanted to know.

"It doesn't matter," Jeannie said, showing him the profile she made for him. "See? I even made you sound sane," she said, like it was harder than he thought.

"John!"

John turned to see Elizabeth, his boss, coming at him. "Oh God," John said, looking at Lorne quickly, "what did I do this time?" Lorne gave him a small smirk before returning to his phone call.

"You didn't do anything," Elizabeth said, rolling her eyes. "I got your Dear Abby answers this morning and they're fine. Well, they're publishable, anyway." She smiled. "You said you wanted to get out of Dear Abby, right? Well, do this one thing for me, and you can get first pick on any second-page-worthy story during Monday's meeting."

"Really?" John asked, sitting up straighter. Then, he gave her a suspicious stare, "Wait a second, this isn't that story you're trying to push on all the guys, is it?"

Elizabeth put her hands on her hips and looked down at him.

"Oh my God, it is," John groaned, slouching back into his chair. "Elizabeth, why the hell you do you think I asked for a better assignment? I don't want to pretend to be a woman anymore. And now you want me pretend to be a woman on an internet dating site?"

"Just for the article," Elizabeth said, crossing her arms. "All you have to do is set up a couple of dates, wait for the guys to get stood up, and interview them without revealing your identity. I need you to write a story on their experience. And no, you can't interview one of your friends," she added when he smirked.

"Why not?!" John asked, pouting. "Ford found someone very nice last month. Sure, she may have gotten him hooked on something, and I haven't seen him for a week, but still, you know. He found someone.

"And hey, that sounds like a stupid story," John whined. "You can't be serious."

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. "I am. David Oberoth, the owner of LantisLove? Just burned us in an interview he did for the Post. We gotta burn him back." There was a scary glint in Elizabeth's eyes.

"Okaaayyy," John agree reluctantly, "but I want a front page story."

Elizabeth grinned, satisfied. "Fine. I need the article by Friday."

Rodney's search for love on LantisLove was failing miserably. Two weeks after the account was set up, and the emails started being forwarded to him, all he got were women who were smart but could not spell, and men who could spell but were not smart.

Then, Rodney got an email from LL, telling him a woman named "airforce1" had wanted to meet. Rodney, who was cautious of the military, clicked on her profile first and saw a beautiful blonde, with gorgeous blue eyes, and a spectacular body. But what was even better, was that she went to Stanford, for a math degree. It didn't say what she graduated with, but just getting into Stanford was ten times better than all the previous women that had emailed him. He clicked "Reply to airforce1" and sent her an email:

Dear 'airforce1,'

I'd love to meet. As soon as I get to know you better. My screen name on YIM is imagenius.

Sincerely,
mckay1968

He sent the email, really hoping she wasn't scared off. And then turned back to Simpson to tell her that all her calculations were off. "How the hell are we going to find a new galaxy on these?!" he demanded. "God, where did we get you again? Clown college?" He sighed as she stormed off, probably to complain to Radek. Sometimes it was really hard being an engineer.

After Elizabeth gave him the assignment, he had created a profile on LantisLove using a picture of one of his co-workers. He asked Elizabeth if he could use her picture, but she nearly kicked his ass for asking. So, he stole Sam's picture from the company website and used that instead. Sam Carter was the boss of Current Events, and was easily one of the hottest women John had ever met, even though he didn't swing that way. Plus, he almost never saw her, so she would never know about her stolen identity. The stuff on the profile was all about him, though. It had been a long day of reading one ridiculous Dear Abby letter to the next, and he didn't have it in him to think of something new to make up.

When that was done, he clicked "Random" and sent a "Request To Meet" email to the first twenty guys. He yawned and turned off his laptop, getting ready to head home. Lorne had already gone hours ago, off to interview some musician that had a concert at the World Arena, so John said bye to Bates, who was stuck trying to get a hold of some actor through his rep.

John's blackberry pinged at him just as he arrived home from work. One of the guys he emailed tonight had already emailed him back. "'I'd love to meet.'" John read, "'As soon as I get to know you better.' Aww, man," John grumbled opening the door to his apartment. His Boxer ran over to greet him. "Hey, Jumper," John said, kneeling down to give his dog a kiss. "How's my boy?"

He threw his coat on the couch, explaining "I was kinda hoping the picture would've reeled in everyone" to Jumper, who followed John into the kitchen as he filled his bowl with dog food. "I didn't actually want to chat these guys up online." He took a shower, and climbed into bed to find Jumper already waiting for him.

The next morning, after John had gone running with Jumper, Ronon, his best friend and next door neighbor, and Ronon's dog, Tyre, John found five messages on his email, all of them asking to chat online before meeting. He also got fourteen messages that said they weren't interested. Oh well. Six was good enough anyway. John groaned, "Looks like my week's busy, pal." Jumper growled. "I know, buddy, I know."

He went into the office to email all the men back, create screen names on all the Instant Messaging programs they used and enter all the men's screennames onto the buddy lists. He signed on and waited. While he waited, he had Dear Abby letters to read and respond to, as well as research for the story he wanted to do for the front page.

Then, around lunch time, he heard someone sign on. He looked up from his pile and grinned. "Hello, imagenius."

Rodney had been up for twenty-two hours before Radek pushed him into his car and drove him to his apartment. Six hours later, Radek woke him up and drove him to work. Rodney really appreciated it. "Is this honestly how you drive yourself to work everyday?! I'm surprised you're still alive! Don't tell me this how everyone in the Czech Republic drives."

"Rodney..."

"Honestly, why didn't you just let me drive myself home?"

"Because you can get into crashes at night too. I am not to be responsible for your death."

"I was fine, you paranoid-"

"I'm paranoid?!" Radek then proceeded to yell at Rodney in Czech, which was just as well, because they had arrived at their headquarters.

"Yes, yes, Radek," Rodney said, waving him off and going to check on his car. "Next time, just let me crash."

Radek was still muttering in Czech when Rodney went to take his lunch break in his office. He turned on his laptop and signed on to Yahoo. His entire staff was on YIM, and it was faster than calling him on the phone if they needed to reach him.

He settled in his chair, adjusting his back pillow, when he got an IM from 'airforce1'. It took Rodney a minute to remember who she was, but he got the picture almost immediately from the message she sent him:

airforce1 (11:21): hi sexxxy

Rodney groaned internally. Did everyone type like morons online, or was it just everyone he talked to?

imagenius (11:22): Hi.
imagenius (11:23): Sheppard, right?

LantisLove only revealed the last names of their clients for privacy reasons, something Rodney thought was really stupid, considering they already showed pictures.

airforce1 (11:24): eyah
airforce1 (11:24): *yeah
airforce1 (11:25): n this is mckay, rite?
imagenius (11:27): Yes, this is McKay.
imagenius (11:27): It's Dr. McKay, by the way.
airforce1 (11:29): o rly? yur a doctor?

Rodney groaned; he had to ask.

imagenius (11:30): Is there a reason you insist on typing like that?
airforce1 (11:31): its the internet, mckay
imagenius (11:32): Your point being?

Rodney was in the middle of writing a long rant about how just because it's the internet, it didn't mean that we had to be informal and stop using proper English, when Sheppard replied first.

airforce1 (11:34): my pt is that its the internet
airforce1 (11:34): tis srs business
airforce1 (11:35): *its
airforce1 (11:35): ne way, what're you up to?

Rodney stared at the screen, deciding whether or not to lie about what he was doing.

imagenius (11:36): If you must know, I'm having lunch.
airforce1 (11:38): oh? whats for lunch?
imagenius (11:40): My usual. Roast beef with everything.
imagenius (11:40): Are you having lunch?
airforce1 (11:41): my friends gonna getting me something
airforce1 (11:44): what should i get? salad?

Rodney scoffed.

imagenius (11:44): You're kidding, right?

Again, Rodney was in the middle of a long rant about salad and how it should've stayed a side dish, when Sheppard replied first.

airforce1 (11:48): relax mckay im joking
airforce1 (11:48): grilled chickens my fave
imagenius (11:49): Oh, really?
imagenius (11:49): Where from?
airforce1 (11:50): a lil place near on main st called dex's cafe
airforce1 (11:50): a frienda mine owns the place
imagenius (11:51): Oh, really?
imagenius (11:51): Never heard of it.
airforce1 (11:51): he just started it a couple weeks ago
airforce1 (11:52): got a good review in the paper though
airforce1 (11:52): nother frienda mine wrote it up
airforce1 (11:52): where do you get yur lunch from?
imagenius (11:54): I make mine.
imagenius (11:54): I'm deathly allergic to citrus, and I don't trust most of the overworked chefs in my cafeteria to remember that, since they seem to put lemon in everything these days.
airforce1 (11:55): that must suck to be a doctor and have allergies

Rodney rolled his eyes and typed back:

imagenius (11:56): I'm not a medical doctor. I have two Ph.D's, thank you very much.

Waiting for Sheppard's reply, another IM window opened up. It was Radek, and he needed Rodney's advice. Rodney groaned. He typed a quick answer to Radek and closed his laptop.

John blinked when McKay signed off. He shrugged and let it slide; he had five other windows open and was too busy chatting with them to care if one of them had signed off without saying goodbye.

Then again, McKay's conversation was the most interesting, or at least the least disgusting. The other men, most of them in their late 20s and looking to get laid, complimented John's picture, and after a few lewd but hilarious conversations, during which John felt he wanted to give all the women he knew flowers for putting up with this crap, they agreed to meet him. They all picked the location, and thankfully, John knew where they were, and staggered the meetings so that he met with one after work and one during lunch, five over the next three days. He had enough for an article right there.

But, while all the men signed off and went back to work, it still bugged him that McKay just left like that. The man, according to his profile, was pushing 40, but he brushed him off just like that? And according to his picture, which John thought was real, he was pretty handsome. Not John's usual type, but still pretty handsome.

So he was surprised when McKay signed back on a couple hours later and IMed him.

imagenius (14:11): So. Where were we?

John blinked at the screen in complete confusion. In fact, he was so confused, he forgot to type like he was supposed to.

airforce1 (14:11): McKay?
imagenius (14:12): Well, yes, obviously.
imagenius (14:12): Who else would I be?
airforce1 (14:13): I just thought you signed off because you weren't interested.

John smirked when the window said "imagenius is typing..." a couple of times, before McKay actually responded. It was amusing to get him so flustered.

imagenius (14:16): Of course I'm interested, Sheppard. The world doesn't revolve around you. I had to sign off because a colleague needed my help, so I had to help him.
airforce1 (14:16): A non-medical doctor kind of colleague, right?
airforce1 (14:17): Guess that means you're pretty smart, if other people are coming to you for help.

Again, the window said that McKay was typing for a couple of minutes, before John intervened.

airforce1 (14:20): Okay, I get it, you're smart.
imagenius (14:20): Why do you keep doing that?!
airforce1 (14:20): Doing what, McKay?

McKay was flustered again, John could tell. He was typing up a storm again, so he decided to change the subject.

airforce1 (14:23): So, I'm looking at your profile. How much is true, and how much did you make up?
imagenius (14:23): Nothing!
imagenius (14:25): To be honest, my sister made the account for me, so everything on the profile is real. She just left out...a lot.
imagenius (14:26): Besides, I could say the same thing about you!
imagenius (14:26): You could be faking it too!

Actually, most of what he told McKay was true. Ronon did own a restaurant called Dex's Café, and Stackhouse did write an article reviewing the restaurant a week ago. And the he only things he fibbed about on his profile were his gender and his picture.

airforce1 (14:26): It's all true, McKay. My favourite color is black, I like dogs, and I went to Stanford.
imagenius (14:27): Which reminds me. What did you graduate with?
airforce1 (14:27): Journalism. Did my graduate work there too.
imagenius (14:28): Oh, is that why you're typing like a normal person now, and not like a fourteen year old girl?

John bit back a laugh. He was really starting to like this guy.

imagenius (14:28): Anyway, are you really in the Air Force?
airforce1 (14:29): I was.
airforce1 (14:29): Why, do you want to see me in my old uniform?

Rodney was sputtering again, and John bit back another laugh. He was still trying not to laugh two hours later, when Elizabeth came by for tomorrow's Dear Abby column. She raised her eyebrow at John, but he just said "It's for the LantisLove article, Elizabeth," in that you-brought-this-on-yourself tone. She sighed and took the article from him.

That's when John noticed what time it was; he had to meet his first 'date' in twenty minutes.

airforce1 (16:39): crap, gotta go, McKay. ttyl?
imagenius (16:39): Okay...

It was a little disappointing to see Sheppard go, but Rodney leaned back in his chair and grinned. He had multitasked all day to keep talking to Sheppard, which led to a lot of accidental shouting online. He had apologized profusely, but Sheppard just seemed more amused than scared.

He was rereading their entire IM conversation and looking forward to their next conversation, hopefully tomorrow, when Radek came in. "Rodney, do I have to drive you home again?"

"God, no. Never." Rodney said, closing his laptop and packing up. "If you need me, call my cell. Or, I'll probably be online later." He took his keys and ran out of there, not noticing the smile on Radek's face or the disappointed frown on Miko's.

He got home, fed his cat, and took a shower before turning on his computer and checking his email. Radek had sent him one, telling everyone was doing fine and to not worry, but Rodney rolled his eyes. His entire was on edge because the air force from Cheyenne Mountain was going to come by later in the week to check out their progress, but Rodney was unconcerned. Military types were all the same, and therefore easy to handle.

Well, except for Sheppard. She was different. Rodney wondered why she had to go so suddenly and without an explanation, but he figured it was just payback from earlier in the day. Plus, it's not like they were actually dating. Just working up to it. Maybe.

He did a couple simulations and calculations before looking at the time, and collapsing into bed.

Rodney woke up six hours later from Newton pouncing on him and mewling at him. "Okay, okay," Rodney grumbled, "calm down. You'll get your food."

He yawned and headed to the kitchen, where he turned on his computer to let it start up before getting the tuna out of its can. "There you go," he said, yawning. Newton mewed his thank you before scarfing down his breakfast.

He heard a ping come from his computer and went to check it out after putting a couple slices of toast in his toaster. Rodney stared incredulously at the screen; it was Sheppard. What the hell was she doing up at - Rodney looked at the clock - 6:44 in the morning?

airforce1 (06:44): Hey, McKay, what're you doing up?
imagenius (06:44): I could ask the same thing of you.
imagenius (06:44): Again.
airforce1 (06:45): I'm about to go running with my dog.
imagenius (06:45): Oh. Really? You work out?
airforce1 (06:46): McKay, you better not be picturing me sweaty right now.

Rodney wasn't before, but he was now.

airforce1 (06:47): Hey.
airforce1 (06:47): Are you going to tell me what you were doing, or should I just assume you're an early riser?
imagenius (06:48): My cat woke me up. He was hungry.
airforce1 (06:48): You have a cat? What kind is he?
imagenius (06:48): His name's Newton and an American Shorthair.
imagenius (06:49): What about your dog?
airforce1 (06:49): Newton?
airforce1 (06:50): Jumper's a Boxer.
imagenius (06:50): Really? Huh. Girls I know don't usually have Boxers.
airforce1 (06:51): That's probably because I'm not a girl, McKay, I'm a woman.
imagenius (06:52): Haha. Listen, I gotta make breakfast. I'll talk to you later, okay?
airforce1 (06:52): Yeah, okay. I gotta get going anyway.
airforce1 (06:52): Jumper's pulling on the leash.

Sheppard signed off, and Rodney made breakfast. He didn't realize he was smiling until he got to work, and Radek asked him what was so funny.

The meeting with the first guy went really well. As Elizabeth specifically said, John only told the guy that he just happened to be there, and that he was doing an article on the apparent high number of guys who were getting stood up by women on LantisLove. He agreed to be interviewed for the Daily as long as John promised to keep his name out of the paper.

John typed up the interview when he went into work the next morning, after talking to McKay. He signed on to all the messaging programs again, in case the guys he met up with still wanted to talk, but he really just wanted to talk to McKay again.

Work was really slow that day, without talking to McKay; John vaguely wondered if it was always this boring. He read more Dear Abby letters, sincerely thankful that he would never have to read another one after the weekend. He interviewed another guy during lunch, who, again, didn't want his name published.

He got back to work and signed on, careful not to sign onto the screen names that he used to talk to the two men he met with already, only to find McKay already on.

airforce1 (15:12): Roast beef today?
imagenius (15:13): Nope. I decided to go to your friend's restaurant.
imagenius (15:13): I got your grilled chicken. It's good.

John smiled slightly and felt happy for some odd reason. He shook himself and read Rodney's next IM.

imagenius (15:14): He's a bit of an oaf, but a really good cook, and he made sure there was no citrus in anything I ordered.
airforce1 (15:14): Yeah? He didn't glare at you or anything?

John was going to have to talk to Ronon tomorrow and ask what he was like in person.

imagenius (15:14): He may have...glared. But I told him I was a friend of yours and he said it was okay that I was weird.

John paled. Oh God, Ronon must think he was John's boyfriend or something.

imagenius (15:16): Don't worry, Sheppard.
imagenius (15:16): I didn't tell him we were dating or anything.
imagenius (15:16): What is he, your ex-boyfriend?

John coughed as he started laughing, and Lorne gave him a weird look.

airforce1 (15:16): No, McKay, he's not my ex-boyfriend. He's not my type.
airforce1 (15:17): You are.

And if John was slightly freaked out by how true that was, he didn't show it, not at all.

imagenius (15:17): REALLY?!

Rodney thought staring at the screen in disbelief twice in one day was too much, but he couldn't help it.

airforce1 (15:18): I thought that was obvious, McKay.

Rodney thought he could see the pout on her face after he read that.

imagenius (15:18): Right, I guess it was implied when you asked to meet.

Wait, Rodney thought. Did I just ask to meet her?

airforce1 (15:18): If that was an invitation for a date, McKay, you need to sharpen your skills.

Rodney let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

imagenius (15:18): No, no, it wasn't. It's way too soon.
imagenius (15:19): And.
imagenius (15:19): I like this.
airforce1 (15:19): Yeah, me too.

Rodney's hand shook while he was typing "REALLY?!" again, which is probably why Sheppard replied first.

airforce1 (15:19): Hey, look, I gotta go meet someone.
imagenius (15:20): Oh.
imagenius (15:20): For work?
imagenius (15:20): What do you do, anyway?
airforce1 (15:21): Yes, McKay for work. And I'll only tell you what I do if you tell me what you do.
imagenius (15:21): That's easy.
imagenius (15:22): I'm the chief scientific advisor for a privately owned company called Emmagan Enterprises.
imagenius (15:22): We mostly do military contracts, but we also do a lot of research. I'd rather do the research, but doing the contracts helps us get money for the research.
airforce1 (15:22): Really?
imagenius (15:23): Yes, yes. Your turn.
airforce1 (15:23): I write for the Daily.
airforce1 (15:24): Bye!

And then Sheppard signed off.

John had met with yet another guy, who told basically the same story as the other two did. Well, of course they did, since John was behind the whole thing, but still, he took the statements. When he got home, he typed up the reports and waited to see if McKay was online.

In the meantime, Elizabeth had emailed him, telling him what a great job he was doing, tackling two different assignments at the same time. He grinned; maybe pretending to be a woman on a dating site had been worth it.

He sat back on his couch, home early for a change, with Jumper sleeping happily on his lap. His laptop was next to him, just in case, but John was watching Return of the Jedi on his flat screen. It was his favourite of all the Star Wars movies, but he hadn't watched it in a while, so he thought he'd pop it into the DVD player.

John isn't that far into the movie - Luke's in the cellar with the rancor - when McKay signs on.

imagenius (22:01): It's 10 PM, do you know where your dog is?
airforce1 (22:01): Why, yes, I do. He's sitting in my lap.
airforce1 (22:02): What're you up to?
imagenius (22:03): Answering a couple of emails, berating my staff and feeding my cat, all from the comfort of my kitchen.
airforce1 (22:03): Well, doesn't that sound nice.
imagenius (22:04): Oh, it is.
imagenius (22:04): What about you? Taking a break from interviewing politicians to hang out online?
airforce1 (22:05): Why McKay, are you jealous?
airforce1 (22:05): And I'm not that kind of journalist.
airforce1 (22:05): I answer the Dear Abby letters in the Daily.

John knew he was safe, because only Ronon and the Local section staff at the Daily knew about John's daily assignment. He wasn't supposed to tell Ronon, but he did anyway, mostly because he knew Ronon could keep a secret. In exchange, Ronon told John about being in Witness Protection, mostly because he trusted John, but Ronon told him it was only because John confided in him. John wanted to know what he was in WP for, but Ronon just grinned and turned back to filleting the fish.

Part Two

The One Where They Meet Online, Part Two (SGA, McKay/Sheppard, pg)

Sun, 04 May 2008 15:56:28 GMT

All information about the story can be found in Part One.

imagenius (22:06): No way!
imagenius (22:06): You're Abby?
imagenius (22:07): I'm not going to have to start reading them now, aren't I?
airforce1 (22:07): McKay, you don't have to if you don't want to.
airforce1 (22:08): But if you want to get in my pants faster...
imagenius (22:08): OMG
imagenius (22:09): If you're not serious, you'd better tell me now.
airforce1 (22:09): I'm serious, McKay.
airforce1 (22:10): I've only started writing for the Daily for the past six months.
airforce1 (22:10): That's not too many newspapers, is it?

McKay didn't answer for a while; John assumed he was looking up newspapers. John felt a pang of regret; McKay really thought Carter was hot. So, John tried something to get McKay's focus back on him.

airforce1 (22:12): Oh, and to answer your earlier question,
airforce1 (22:12): I'm watching Star Wars.

That got McKay's attention.

imagenius (22:12): Whoa, whoa, whoa. One head spinning detail at a time, please.
imagenius (22:12): Which one, and how far are you in?
airforce1 (22:13): Why, are you going to watch it with me?
imagenius (22:13): I'm gonna try.
airforce1 (22:13): Return of the Jedi. Leia's strangling Jabba with her chains.
imagenius (22:13): You know who'd look hot in that gold bikini?
airforce1 (22:13): McKay if you say my name, I'm going to strangle you via internet.
imagenius (22:14): Don't worry, I wasn't.
imagenius (22:15): Oh God
imagenius (22:15): I mean, not that you wouldn't, because you totally would.
imagenius (22:16): Oh God
imagenius (22:16): I mean, not that I've pictured you wearing the gold bikini, because that's just totally wrong.
imagenius (22:17): Oh God
imagenius (22:17): I mean not that you in a gold bikini is wrong, because it wouldn't be.
imagenius (22:18): Oh God
airforce1 (22:18): Okay.
airforce1 (22:18): I get it.

In reality, though, John was laughing too hard to type properly, which is why it took him so long to respond.

airforce1 (22:18): Who did you think would look good in a bold bikini?

When McKay didn't respond after a couple of minutes, John got worried. He didn't like being worried about McKay because it distracted him from the good parts of the movie. And John didn't like to be distracted when Yoda was dying, for Christ's sake.

airforce1 (22:21): C'mon McKay, you can tell me.
airforce1 (22:21): I won't get jealous.

Except John totally will.

imagenius (22:23): Um. Drew Barrymore?
airforce1 (22:23): Huh.
airforce1 (22:23): I guess she would.
imagenius (22:24): Wait
imagenius (22:24): Did you just agree with me?
imagenius (22:24): This isn't you getting mad because I'm attracted to another woman, and so you're agreeing with me but in that sarcastic way is it?
imagenius (22:25): My ex-boyfriend used to do that and it really confused me

Whoa.

airforce1 (22:25): Wait. Ex-boyfriend?
imagenius (22:26): um
imagenius (22:26): Yes?

And that cheered John up spectacularly.

airforce1 (22:27): Now who's turn is it to give a head spinning detail?
imagenius (22:27): But when I said 'head spinning detail,' I meant it in a good way
imagenius (22:28): Wait
imagenius (22:28): Does that mean you're okay with it?
imagenius (22:29): Oh God
imagenius (22:29): You're not one of those women who like to watch two guys together, is it?
imagenius (22:29): Because I don't think I'd be okay with that
airforce1 (22:30): No, McKay, I'm not one of those women.
airforce1 (22:30): I'm just happy for you.
airforce1 (22:30): Now, are we watching the movie?
airforce1 (22:31): Luke just found out his sister's Leia.
imagenius (22:32): That must've sucked
imagenius (22:32): One really hot chick who kissed you turns out to be your sister?
imagenius (22:32): I'd need therapy for life after that.

Watching Star Wars with Sheppard was fun, even though he thought he was in trouble a couple of times. Rodney had stuck his DVD into his computer and watched it while talking to Sheppard at the same time. Newton had even come by to watch with them, after he finished dinner.

They said goodnight after midnight, when the movie ended, and Sheppard said she had to sleep so she could go running with Jumper - what kind of name was Jumper, anyway? - in the morning.

Rodney went to bed too. After checking his mail, doing a couple more simulations, and checking calculations, that is.

John woke up a little earlier than usual and knocked on Ronon's door. "Ronon? It's John." John heard Tyre before he heard Ronon, and when the door opened, he was greeted by a hundred pounds of German Shepherd. "Hey, Tyre." John looked up to see Ronon smiling at him. "Hey, Ronon. Can I come in? I want to talk."

"Sure," Ronon said, going to his kitchen to finish making his breakfast. John and Tyre followed him. "Is this about McKay?"

"Uh, yeah. Look-"

"He thinks you're a woman," Ronon said. "You got breakfast yet?"

"Not yet. And yeah, he does. Look, do me a favour and just let him assume that, okay?"

"Over easy, right?"

"Yeah." John paused. "Look, Ronon. McKay's not my boyfriend or anything. I met him online while I was doing something for Weir."

"But you like him, right?"

"What makes you say that?"

Ronon glared at him; it was his c'mon-I'm-not-that-stupid glare. "If you didn't like him, you wouldn't be here. I usually wake you up." When John didn't say anything, Ronon changed the subject. "So, what's your newspaper thing?"

"Weir wants me to this thing at LantisLove because the owner, Oberoth-"

Ronon growled. "I hate Oberoth. You know he bashed my restaurant in that interview he did?"

"He bashed the Daily, too. I'm supposed to make him look bad."

"Whatever," Ronon grumbled. "You do what you gotta. Here's your eggs and toast."

"Thanks."

"You up for a couple more miles today?" Ronon asked, and John choked on his toast.

Rodney got to work earlier than usual because that day was the day the USAF from Cheyenne Mountain came by to check on their progress. General O'Neill wasn't too fond of Rodney, but he liked his work okay, but this meant that he couldn't sign on messenger all day.

Then, he thought he saw Sheppard a couple of times on base that day, but he figured it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He missed Sheppard a lot. He thought about sending an email, to apologize for not being on all day, but it wasn't like they had a date or anything and he reminded himself that Sheppard wasn't his girlfriend. Not yet, anyway. Things were looking up in that area, however, so he was happy.

He was tired when he got home from work. He had explain so much to too many people who didn't know what he was talking about that he just opened a can of tuna and went to bed. He could take a shower in the morning anyway.

John didn't get a chance to get online, either. After he answered the Dear Abby letters in the morning, the lunch date with second to last guy turned into a hostage situation, and John ended up helping get the guy, whose name was Michael, to calm down. As it turns out, he was high on drugs.

John spent the entire afternoon helping and getting interviewed by the police, and had to email his last guy for a rain check. He thankfully agreed to meet tomorrow.

It was still light out, only 5:35 PM, when he overheard one of the paramedics talk about the drug Michael was high on.

"Wait!" John said, coming over. "Did you say Michael was high on Wraith?"

"Yeah," the pretty blonde paramedic said, smiling at John.

"But I thought Wraith was a painkiller! How could it make him act like, like that?" John pointed furiously at the man, now in the back of a police car, who was glaring angrily at the officers outside.

"It's got some weird chemicals," the other paramedic said. He was smiling widely at John too.

"Oh crap," John said. That was the same drug Ford's new girlfriend had got him addicted to.

He drove to Ford's old place, but found the place deserted. He called Ford's cousin and grandparents, but they hadn't heard from him. Lara, Ford's cousin, said it wasn't unusual, since he used to do undercover work for the Daily, but John told her he was fired a couple weeks ago for drug use.

They went to the police station and filled out a missing person's file that night.

The next morning, John went running with Ronon as usual and went to work, as usual, but since the article on LantisLove was due the next day and he still had a guy to interview, he wrote as much as he could using the interviews he had, and decided to add more that night, after meeting with the last guy.

It was already way past noon, but Elizabeth let him go get a late lunch, since she knew about the crazy ordeal yesterday.

Ronon was closed in the afternoon but he was just getting ready for the dinner crowd when John called, so he let him in.

"You know," John said as Ronon made him a roast beef with everything. "I wanted to ask you about McKay. What's he like in person?"

"Annoying. Grumpy. Loud. Arrogant. Sarcastic. And that was just the first ten minutes."

John grinned. "So, almost exactly like he is online, then."

"I thought people were supposed to be nice online."

John couldn't stop laughing until Ronon gave him his sandwich and whacked him on the head with a spatula.

When John finished the late lunch, he went off to meet his last guy, who, thankfully, wasn't a druggie. The interview went smoothly, and John had six hours to incorporate the last interview into the rest of the article, which was plenty of time.

When he was done, he stretched and cracked his back, while Jumper came by to complain about the lack of food in the kitchen. He looked at the computer's clock. It was only 9:20 PM. McKay might be on.

Rodney had also had another busy day. An ex-cop named Kolya had broken in with a small group of people and taken Rodney hostage. Kolya was part of an underground organization called Genii, who believed that Rodney's science team was making some drug called "Wraith." Yesterday, after that man who was on Wraith held a coffee shop hostage, the Genii decided to take matters into their own hands.

Rodney tried reasoning with Kolya; obviously there was huge misunderstanding, because Rodney had never even heard of Wraith before, and Rodney's science team didn't make drugs, they made rockets for the military. But then, Kolya nearly stabbed him in the arm, and Rodney knew things weren't going to be easy.

Radek, who was late coming to work that day, called the police when he saw the front door was being guarded by people he didn't know, and for once in his life Rodney was thankful he worked so close to Cheyenne Mountain, because the Genii were taken care of five minutes later.

Teyla Emmagan, who owned Emmagan Enterprises, also helped in taking down one of the people from the group. Rodney had never met Teyla because she mostly travelled all over the world for corporate meetings, but once he saw her, he knew she had to be the owner of the company. Plus, it was pretty hot seeing her in a black bulletproof vest.

"Dr. McKay," she said politely, in her serene voice, "I am extremely sorry this happened to you today. If there is anything I can do for you, please do no hesitate to ask."

"No, it's okay," Rodney said, a bit dumbfounded. "I'll just take the day off.

"Please," she said, bowing a little, "as will everyone else."

And that's how Rodney spent his day with his cat. Well, he mostly slept, but Newton was right next to him the whole time. He woke up around dinner time, stomach rumbling. He ordered pizza and sat down to watch some TV when Sheppard signed on around 9:30 PM.

imagenius (21:22): Hi!

Rodney mentally smacked himself for sounding too eager.

imagenius (21:23): Um
imagenius (21:23): Long time no talk
airforce1 (21:24): Right, McKay.
airforce1 (21:24): Sorry 'bout that.
airforce1 (21:24): Busy couple of days.
imagenius (21:25): Hey, no need to apologize.
imagenius (21:25): I just
imagenius (21:25): You know
imagenius (21:25): Maybe
imagenius (21:25): Missed you
airforce1 (21:26): Yeah, I missed you too.
airforce1 (21:26): You know, I've been thinking.
imagenius (21:26): Oh that's good.
airforce1 (21:27): Shut up, McKay.
airforce1 (21:27): I've been thinking about us.
airforce1 (21:28): You want to meet soon?
imagenius (21:28): Ummm

Rodney looked down at Newton, who was purring in his lap. "Newton! What should I do?" Newton stretched and re-settled in a different position. Rodney assumed that was cat-speak for "Wait."

McKay was taking a really long time to respond, which made John worry. It wasn't that McKay wasn't interested in what he thought John looked like, so that wasn't an issue, and McKay liked him enough online, so if that was any indicator, they were already friends. But John wanted to move past the "You think I'm a girl" stage, and onto the "No, I'm really a guy and I think I might have a huge crush on you" stage.

imagenius (21:31): I think we should wait.

John just stared at the screen.

imagenius (21:31): I just need a little more time.
imagenius (21:32): It's just
imagenius (21:32): there's a lot of things to do at work
imagenius (21:33): and the military shut us down for the day, so we gotta work twice as hard to meet the next deadline

Wait.

airforce1 (21:33): The military shut you down?
airforce1 (21:34): You work at Emmagan Enterprises?
imagenius (21:34): Oh. Yeah, I do.
imagenius (21:35): Oh, right. You work for the newspaper, of course you know about us
imagenius (21:35): You know what? I think I may have seen you yesterday

John froze. Sam did go to EE yesterday to check out the new weapons the military were ordering from them. Crap.

airforce1 (21:26): That wasn't me.
airforce1 (21:26): I write for Dear Abby, remember?
imagenius (21:27): Oh, right
imagenius (21:27): Why would they send the Dear Abby letter writer to cover a military story
imagenius (21:27): Okay, so it wasn't you
imagenius (21:27): Looked like you
airforce1 (21:28): Yeah, there's a woman who kinda looks like me in Current Events
airforce1 (21:28): Look I gotta go.

John signed off, without waiting for McKay's response. That was really close, John thought.

The next couple of weeks went by like a blur. Rodney was working really hard during the day, and only talking to Sheppard for a solid ten minutes during lunch, and then right before bed.

Though, it sounded like Sheppard was busy too. One day, she was really happy, saying she got promoted to one of the writers, but when Rodney looked for her name in the paper, he only found a man named John Shelby, who wrote an article about men being stood up by their dates on LantisLove.

When Rodney read that article, he may have gotten a little freaked out, but Sheppard reassured him that she wasn't going to stand him up when they met.

Finally, the project for the USAF was done. Rodney had even calibrated the instructions so that the average rookie rocket specialist could operate it. So that night, to celebrate, he asked Sheppard out, properly. As properly as anyone could online, anyway.

airforce1 (19:11): Like, a date date?
imagenius (19:11): Oh, please.
imagenius (19:11): What are you, 14?
imagenius (19:11): Yes, a date.
airforce1 (19:12): I'm just making sure
airforce1 (19:12): I need to know if I should wear something sexy or something casual
imagenius (19:12): Um
imagenius (19:13): Whatever you want
imagenius (19:13): We could meet at Dex's Cafe
imagenius (19:14): I haven't been back since I first went
airforce1 (19:14): So
airforce1 (19:14): Something casual then

Rodney couldn't tell if she was pissed off or not, so Rodney continued.

imagenius (19:15): We could go out to somewhere nicer afterward
imagenius (19:15): Maybe?
airforce1 (19:16): No, that sounds fine.
airforce1 (19:16): How's tomorrow 6:30 sound?
imagenius (19:17): Sounds good.

No matter who will ask, Rodney will adamantly deny any victory dance he may or may not have done that night.

For John, the past few weeks had been pretty hectic, what with being promoted and getting more exciting stories, and finding a replacement for the Dear Abby column. He had interviewed at least twenty candidates, but he was surprised at the last woman to come in for an interview.

It was Teyla Emmagan. Of Emmagen Enterprises. When John asked why she wanted to write for Dear Abby, she said she was doing it because she liked helping people. John had wanted to ask what she knew about her chief scientific advisor, but resisted the urge.

Plus, he had to get the whole 'Shelby' ordeal sorted out. He first adopted the name in his Freshman year of college, after his mother, Congresswoman Mary Sheppard, had become sick and died suddenly; he had hated the way people gave him pitying looks, and pats on the back. But now he just used it as a pen name.

That night, though, he was going to introduce himself as John Sheppard, and McKay would definitely freak out at first, and John would explain everything and kiss him and it would be a happy ending. Or, at least John hoped. In truth, John was pretty scared. Excited too, but mostly scared.

He got off work around 6 PM, said bye to Teyla and Lorne, and drove to Ronon's restaurant. Ronon, who heard all about the date that morning, beckoned John over to the counter. "You okay?" Ronon said, nodding at one of his regulars.

"Yeah, mostly," John said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of short blonde hair and did a double take. It was Sam. She smiled politely at him before returning to her pie. John smiled back and looked down at his watch. It was 6:20; maybe McKay would be right on time.

But then John looked up in time to see McKay walk through the door; Ronon nudged him with a smile. McKay saw Ronon first and waved, saw John and smiled, but then his eyes went straight to Carter.

Oh God, John thought, right before the shouting started.

Rodney was heartbroken. Sheppard was so...amazing online and yet, when they finally meet in real life, she pretended not to be who she was! Who he was! What they had! Rodney cursed at his bad luck, and crossed the street to his car.

He put the key into the car door just when a guy called out to him on the street. "McKay!" a man with crazy hair shouted, jogging from Dex's Café.

Ronon gave him a glare when McKay left the building. John briefly apologized to Carter, who was also glaring at him, before running out to catch McKay before he drove away.

"How do you know my name?!" McKay demanded.

"You," John waved his hands and motioned toward Ronon's restaurant, "you said it."

"Oh!" McKay said, snapping his fingers rapidly. "Aren't you that guy who was talking to the owner?"

"Yeah," John said, smiling. "You know Ronon?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.

"Yeah," McKay said sadly. "Someone I thought I was in love with told me about it."

"Someone you thought you were in love with?" John echoed, his heart beating a little faster.

"Yeah," McKay said. "Anyway, what do you want?"

John picked an excuse from out of nowhere. "Can I interview you?" McKay raised an eyebrow. "You know that article that came out a couple of weeks ago, about those men that got stood up? I wrote it.

"I'm supposed to write a companion story, on guys who meet the girl but she isn't who they thought she was." McKay just looked at him blankly. "Well? What'd you say?"

"Sure," McKay said, eyeing John suspiciously. "As long as you don't print my name."

"Yeah, yeah, no problem." John held out his hand. "I'm John Shelby," he said.

"Rodney, Rodney McKay," McKay - Rodney - said, shaking his hand, and smiling.

John smiled back. "Do you want to go somewhere more private? I know just the place."

Rodney followed John to John's apartment. "You know," Rodney said, as they rode the elevator to John's floor. "When you said 'somewhere more private,' I kinda thought you meant a bar or something. Not your apartment."

"Nah," John said, winking at Rodney. "What's more private than someone's apartment? Though, I gotta warn you, I have a dog, and he doesn't like strangers."

Rodney nodded. "I have a cat who's the same way."

"Is that so?" John flashed him a gentle grin and Rodney was puzzled.

John opened the door, and a large dog came bounding out to meet them. "Jumper!" John said, and something in Rodney's head clicked, but he wasn't sure what it meant. Jumper sniffed Rodney, deemed he was okay, and they went in without a single warning bark. "That's weird," John said, "he usually hates strangers. Took him weeks to get used to Ronon."

"Really," Rodney said, looking down at Jumper, who was looking back at Rodney expectantly.

"He probably wants a treat," John said, going into the kitchen. "So, how did you meet this woman?"

"What? Oh," the interview. "She wanted to meet me actually."

"Really?" John said, coming back with a bone-shaped treat. "Through LantisLove, right?"

"Yeah," Rodney said, sitting down on one of John's armchairs. "I really thought it was love, too, which was pretty damn stupid of me."

"Hey," John said quietly, sitting on the coffee table. "It's okay, you'll find someone else."

"What?! I know that! I'm a fantastic catch."

John grinned brightly and chuckled. "Yes, yes you are."

Rodney eyed John skeptically. "Aren't you, I don't know, supposed to write this stuff down?"

"Oh I got it right here, McKay." John pointed to his head.

"Yes," Rodney said, "I'm sure your hair does wonders for you."

John laughed, a really horrible braying laugh.

"Oh my God!" Rodney said, "That's honestly how you laugh?"

It just made John laugh harder.

"Oh my God," Rodney repeated, "You're high right now, aren't you!"

John chuckled again, "No, I'm not. I'm just a little giddy right now. Look, I'm starving. Do you want something to eat? We could order Chinese."

Rodney stared at John suspiciously, but agreed that he was also hungry. "As long as it's not orange chicken. I'm deathly allergic to all kinds of citrus."

John smiled genuinely. "Okay, no orange chicken."

The pseudo-interview went pretty well, all things considering. John thought it was still too soon to tell him his real name, so he didn't give him his card. Instead, he asked for Rodney's number, and told him he'd be in contact. Rodney left around ten, and when John was pretty sure he was gone, John looked down at Jumper. "So? You like him?" Jumper seemed to nod. "Yeah, me too."

John, the hot journalist from Ronon's restaurant kept calling him, and it wasn't just for the article. He'd ask if he wanted to go catch a movie, or go to a hockey game, or even out to dinner. Sure, he would say it was for another interview, but after a while Rodney caught on that John kinda just wanted to hang out. Rodney didn't know why; John was obviously friendly enough to have his own friends and hot enough to get girlfriends.

To be absolutely sure, Rodney asked "Whatever happened to that follow-up article you were writing?" one night over pizza. They were at Rodney's apartment this time, watching Serenity, one of Rodney's favourite movies. John was sitting on the couch with Newton sleeping on his lap. Newton took to John right away, just like Jumper had taken to Rodney.

"My editor scrapped it," John said. "You don't mind, do you?"

Rodney knew he didn't mean the article, and said "No, of course not," and joined him on the couch.

"Oh God, I hate this part," John said, wincing when Wash died. "He was my favourite character," he whined. Rodney pretended not to care, but the next time John came over, they watched Back to the Future, even though Rodney hated it, because it was John's favourite.

It had been three months, two weeks and five days since they officially started to hang out in Real Life, and John was loving every moment of it.

He had already decided that at four months, he was going to tell Rodney the truth. It was going to be over dinner, at Rodney's apartment, so if Rodney wanted John to leave, he would. But when they hung out, John could already tell Rodney was thinking about Carter less and less, and that made John feel better about springing it on him.

So, a week later, John invited himself over, bringing a nice prime rib Ronon made with him. Rodney said he'd get the movie, which turned out to be Remember the Titans. When John raised an eyebrow, Rodney just said, "It's a good movie. And you like football, so."

John smiled, "Well thank you, Rodney, I didn't know you cared."

Rodney paled. "Yes, well. Now you do."

John grinned shyly as he helped Rodney set up in the living room. "Ronon made mashed potatoes and Mac 'n' Cheese too."

"Mmmmm," Rodney hummed happily.

They finished dinner, and the movie, and John was getting ready to go when he finally got the courage.

"Rodney, I need to talk to you. Okay, I wasn't entirely honest with you at the beginning."

"Oh my God," Rodney said, "I knew it was too good to be true."

"What?"

"You're writing an exposée on Emmagan Enterprises, aren't you? You were using me to get close to Teyla, aren't you?"

"No, let me finish!" Rodney frowned and waited. "Shelby is my pen name," John said, taking a deep breath. "My real last name is Sheppard."

"Wait."

John did.

"You're Sheppard?"

"Yeah."

"You. You're Sheppard. The Sheppard that I chatted with."

"Yes, Rodney."

"But, Sheppard's a girl!"

John sighed, "My editor made me pretend to be a girl online, so I could get the interviews for the LantiLove article."

"Then where did you get the picture of the hot chick?"

"She's an editor for one of the sections of the Daily."

Rodney didn't speak, but his eyes flickered from one idea to the next. "So, so, so what. You, you wanted to be my friend so that you could laugh at my pain?"

"No, Rodney, I-"

"Then what? You became by friend out of pity? You felt bad?"

"No, Rodney-"

"Just get out."

John didn't question it, because he had never seen or heard McKay so angry, not even when they argued. "Okay," he said, and left.

Rodney was absolutely livid. Not just because John lied to him, or that he kept it from him or even that he got his heart broken, but mostly because he should've saw the signs: the dog named Jumper - it was only after John left that Rodney remembered the dog's name from the IM conversation; Ronon and Dex's Café - Rodney was pretty sure John was the only one friends with the scary looking man; Working for the Daily, in the Local section - there were only four reporters working in the Local section, Rodney later found out, and only one had a last name remotely close to "Sheppard".

Really, Rodney should've seen it. He was just too blinded by the attractive man who wanted to hang out with him.

John called him a couple of days later, and left a message on Rodney's cell, apologizing. He left a message with Rodney's secretary and another message on Rodney's home phone. A couple of days after that, the same pattern.

Rodney never returned the calls, but he listened to every single message, refusing to admit to himself it was because he missed John's voice.

"Rodney," John said tiredly on the phone. "It's John. Again, I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do-" He stopped and sighed. It was the second message he left that day and knew he was probably being a little bit crazy. "Okay, I get it. I'll stop calling." He hung up, angry at himself for not telling Rodney sooner. Maybe, if they started out screwed up John wouldn't have all this hope built up.

But then, a couple of days later, there was a knock at the door. John had just gotten back home from a long day at work, and was about to take a shower. He thought maybe it was the guy down the hall, who complained that Jumper was howling, or maybe it was Ronon, who often got locked out of his apartment and waited in John's for the landlord to open it for him. He wasn't expecting Rodney.

"Rodney," John said, wanting to put his arms around him.

"Oh thank god you're okay." Rodney said, pushing in. "Were you sick? I thought maybe you were sick."

"No, Rodney. I'm fine," John crossed his arms; he was very confused, and he didn't like being confused. "Why are you here?"

"I thought you were sick," Rodney repeated. "But obviously, you're fine. You didn't call yesterday; why didn't you call yesterday?"

John tried to hide a smile, but ultimately failed. "I said I was going to stop trying."

Rodney frowned. "Because you stopped caring?"

"Because you never returned my calls!"

"Oh. Right." Rodney looked uncomfortable. "Well. It's not like I wasn't listening to them."

"Oh."

"Yeah." There was an awkward silence; John didn't know what this meant, but there was his hope flaring again. "Right, so. I'll see you," Rodney mumbled, brushing past John toward the door.

"Wait," John said. Rodney turned around, and John had his hands on both sides of Rodney's face pulling him into a kiss, wanting this to mean the same thing to both of them. John let out a happy sigh of relief when Rodney responded right away, hands going everywhere.

When they pulled apart, they were both panting. "Oh," Rodney said, looking at John for confirmation.

"Yeah," John said.

"So, you," Rodney said.

"Yeah," John repeated. "And you, too?"

"Obviously," Rodney said, rolling his eyes.

Months later, after Rodney moved into John's apartment (John argued it was because his apartment was bigger, and that it was closer to Emmagen Enterprises anyway, but Rodney knew it was because John refused to move away from Ronon), and Newton got used to sharing a bed with Jumper, the landlord decided to have a house-warming party for the two of them. Rodney didn't like parties all that much (he had a bad experience in college that involved his new car, a girl he really liked, and throwing up) but he liked food and barbecues and beer, so Teal'c, the landlord, agreed to have a potluck barbecue.

It was open to the whole building, of course, because Teal'c was too nice for his own good sometimes, but the tennants also invited a lot of their friends, families, and co-workers over. An hour into the celebration, and the party was in full swing. He met a man named Carson who lived on the second floor and introduced Rodney to haggis, and a woman named Jennifer who lived on the seventh floor and offered to petsit if they ever needed one. Even Radek came; he met John's friend Lorne (or was it Bourne? Rodney was never quite sure) and the two of the were currently drinking together at the makeshift bar.

Rodney was in the middle of arguing with a man named Daniel over the uselessness of archaeology when Teyla and John appeared out of nowhere. Daniel rolled his eyes and disappeared when Rodney stopped mid-sentence. "And, Teyla, you know Rodney," John was saying, as they approached him. "He works at your company, but he's also my boyfriend." John smirked at that last word and Rodney thought, He really is a fourteen-year-old girl.

"Ah," Teyla said, "so you do know each other."

"What?" Rodney squeaked, vaguely aware that this woman signed his checks.

"Nothing," she said mysteriously, a smile slyly streching across her face. Rodney looked at John, but John looked just as confused as he felt. Then, Ronon came over, asked her to dance, and swiftly whisked her away.

"What?" Rodney repeated. John just shrugged.

And then, John spotted Sam. He wasn't 100% sure why she was here or even how she knew about it, but he didn't want to go through that again, so he grabbed Rodney by the elbow, getting an "ow!" from him, and trying to escape to somewhere quieter.

Unfortunately, Sam found them. "John," she said politely, "And this must be Rodney. Nice to see you again, Rodney."

"Umm," John said. "Rodney, this is Samantha Carter. She's the editor for Current Events at the daily. Sam, this is Rodney McKay. My boyfriend and Chief Scientific Advisor to Emmagen Enterprises." John may have puffed his chest out slightly, but he couldn't help it.

"Hm. You know, now that you aren't some evil bitch who turned me down in front of a restaurant full of people," Rodney said, "you're pretty hot." Sam is a bit outraged, John could tell, but then McKay barreled on. "I mean, not that you weren't hot before, I'm sure you were, but now that I'm seeing you in a different light, I can tell that now."

John raised an eyebrow. And maybe he pouted, but just a little. Rodney noticed.

"Oh please, John, like that's actually going to work on me." Rodney rolled his eyes. "You already know you're hot."

John just smirked, and before Rodney could say another snarky comment in return, John captured his still moving lips in a deep kiss.

The couple only broke apart when Sam cleared her throat. "Don't mind me, I'll just be over there," Carter said, rolling her eyes and walking off to talk to another group of people from the paper.

John grinned. "Now, where were we?"

"Here," Rodney said as he kissed John again.

Multi-fandom Drabble Tree.

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:02:17 GMT

Okay, so I've been reading a lot of drabbles lately and have recently gotten hooked to drabble trees.

Don't know what a drabble tree is? Basically, in a drabble tree, one person will start the tree with a drabble (that's me), and people will reply to that drabble with their own, and people will reply to those drabbles with their own, &etc, creating "branches".

Except, you have to use a sentence/phrase/word from the drabble you're branching from, but not necessarily "sequels." your drabble can be a completely different fandom/pairing/etc.

If you're still confused, here's the Google results, or a more specialized version can be found at mcshep_match.

So for this, I wrote a gen drabble. You guys can pick your favourite fandom, or write in original if you want, and reply with your own drabble. (Don't know what a drabble is?)

Here's my starting drabble!
siriusly_sex

He wanted to meet in the lobby, but she insisted on meeting him outside her hallway. He thought she was taking the idea of a secret relationship too far if he couldn't even be seen in public with her, but he had agreed to do things her way this time.

He knocked on her door twice, before she opened the door with a smile. "Hi," she said sweetly, taking his hand and pulling him in.

"Let's go out tonight," he said, pulling her into his arms. "I want to spend my money on you," he teased.

"Not tonight," she said, shaking her head.

Please: bold the sentence/phrase/word you used from the prior drabble!

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Government Bribes, Chapter 5.5 (original, g)

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 01:10:18 GMT

Title: Government Bribes - Chapter 5.5
Author: siriusly_sex
Rating: g
Word Count: 368
Fandom: Original (Government Bribes)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Lily, Agent Sanders
Summary: Filler chapter: Lily and Charlie talk about Carol.
Disclaimer: fic-tion n. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story
A/N: Honestly, I was working on the next chapter, when I realized that I didn't make a scene where Charlie and Lily talk about Charlie's conversation with Carol. So this is it. And that's why it's short.

Charlie and Carol had come back from the bathroom together, which wasn't very smart of Charlie to do, considering Lily was watching him.

Later, the two duos parted; Carol and Leo walked off hand-in-hand to Carol's car, while Lily glared at Charlie until they were both in his.

"You and Carol have a good chat in the bathroom?" she sniped. "Don't deny it, I saw you two come out at the same time. It wasn't very secretive of you."

"I was right, you were wrong, Carol's a Nighttor," Charlie said at the same time. "She was trying to kill you, but she's fallen in love with Leo, and now she just wants to pretend to be human."

"Wait," Lily said, pausing. "What?" Charlie explained it again, in greater detail, and all Lily could say was, "Oh my God, you did talk to Carol!"

"That's it? No 'You were right, Charlie, I'm going to listen to you next time'?"

"Hey," Lily said, pointing at him. "She's harmless, isn't she?"

"Yeah, but next time-!"

"Okay, next time I'll think about listening to you, but this time, I was right. She isn't dangerous."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Lily, it's my job to protect you. Not because I have to, not because I need to, but because I want to!" He stopped, because it was a red light, and turned to glare at her. "And I want to, because I love you!"

Lily looked at him, unsure of what was going on.

He looked angry, but he said, softly, "For some stupid reason, I care about you, and I love you, and I don't want you to get hurt."

Lily saw this as her chance. "Charlie, I-"

BEEP! The car behind them honked.

Love you, too. Lily thought sadly, as Charlie waved sorry to the car behind them, and turned his eyes back on the road.

"Sorry about that," Charlie said, pulling into their parking space. "You were saying?"

Hope sparked in Lily's chest. "I love you, too," she said.

But the moment was gone, and Charlie grinned at her. "I'll take that as an apology." Lily stared, dumbfounded, as Charlie got out of the car. "You coming?" he yelled back at her, already climbing the stairs to their apartment. "Don't forget to lock up when you get out!"

Writing meme.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 01:35:05 GMT

01. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
02. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
03. Write a ficlet related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the ficlet; you start when the song starts, and stop when it’s over. No lingering afterwards!
04. Do ten of these, then post them.

1. Something There [From Beauty and the Beast], no spoilers, no set time frame.
"You guys are idiots! Oh my God, what would you do if I wasn't here to fix all your problems?!"

John smirked as he heard Rodney yell at his scientists. "Hey, McKay" he drawled sympathetically. "Lay off them, why don't you?"

Rodney turned around and frowned. "Like you don't do the same to me when we're in the field," he complained.

John handed him his ninth cup of coffee and left grinning.

2. Meet Me Under The Mistletoe - Harry and the Potters, slight quote spoiler for The First Strike, set after Lifeline.
Radek's and Rodney's lips were two centimeters apart from each other when John came in later. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," John said, shielding his face. "When I said 'make out already,' I didn't mean right away. Or in front of me."

Rodney's frown grew. "Alien mistletoe," he said, pointing up.

3. Unopened Letter to the World - The Ataris, spoilers for The Seige II, set after The Seige III.
An unfinished journal entry in John's journal:
"Today I almost died ~~again~~, and I just wanted to write a letter to ~~McK-~~ ~~Rodn-~~ the world to tell them that they were nice and-"

4. The Crowing - Coheed & Cambria, spoilers for Outcast, set right before Outcast.
"Dad," Dave Sheppard said, kneeling down next to his father. "Dad, are you feeling okay?"

Patrick Sheppard shook his head, coughed, and managed to say, "Not really," before he clutched at his heart.

"Dad!" Dave yelled, and shook his father a little before he realized he should be calling 911.

Waiting for the ambulance to get there, Dave knelt down again, beside his father, and asked, "Dad, is there anything I can do?"

"John?" Patrick said, uncertainly. "John, is that you?"

Dave's voice stuck in his throat when it suddenly closed up.

"John, I want you to know. No matter what." Patrick's voice was getting more faint by the second, and Dave could already hear the ambulance coming up the drive way. "John, you were my favourite."

5. With All Your Heart - plus ONE, spoilers for Lifeline, set after Lifeline.
Teyla was crying silently in her room when Ronon found her. "Teyla?" he said gruffly from behind the door.

Teyla furiously wiped away her tears on her quilt before Ronon came in.

He came in and crouched by her. "Teyla, what's wrong?" There was a hint of anger on the edge of his voice. "Who hurt you?"

"It is nothing, Ronon."

Ronon growled, "Tell me who hurt you so I can kill them."

Teyla smiled sadly and shook her head. "No one has hurt me, Ronon. I was upset because Elizabeth is missing.

Ronon visibly relaxed a little, but remained tense. "She was a good woman," he said shortly.

"Yes," Elizabeth said. "She was."

Ronon put a hand on her shoulder. "We'll find her, Teyla."

6. Novella - Funeral For a Friend, no real spoilers, set during The Kindred, Part 1.
"We're wasting time," Rodney complained, again, in John's earpiece. "There's nothing here, the place is ransacked and I think I saw a rat."

John rolled his eyes.

"John?"

"I'm here," John said, saying, "unfortunately," under his breath.

"We're not going to find anything here," Rodney repeated. "Can we go home now? My back's beginning to hurt, and I think I cut myself on something on the way down here."

"No, Rodney. We got here five minutes ago, and we haven't thoroughly explored the ruins yet."

"So? This is obviously a complete waste of time. Oh wait-" Rodney said, and then huffed. "Nevermind. Complete. Waste. Of. Time," and he punctuated each word with a kick to something. "Ow," he said sadly.

John tried not to laugh.

7. Fantasy - Mariah Carey, no real spoilers, no set time.
The first time John had a sex dream about McKay, he kind of freaked out. It wasn't the subject matter that was weird; he'd had fantasy sex dreams about people before, so there was nothing abnormal about that. But he'd never had one about a man before, and certainly never about McKay.

Ew. Or at least it should've been gross, but it was very, very hot and John woke up with morning wood like he did with every other sex dream he'd had. He spent the rest of the day watching McKay from out of the corner of his eyes, and blushing if McKay caught his eye.

The next time he had a dream about McKay, he didn't freak out.

8. I Wanna Get a Mohawk (But My Mom Won't Let Me Get One) - AFI, no real spoilers, set sometime in season one, before The Seige I.
Once when Ford was still around, and they were all on some alien planet where Teyla was off negotiating, Ford had asked: "Okay, worst hair cut."

John thought about it. "Mohawk," John said.

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Really? I've always wanted a mohawk, but my mom wouldn't let me get one."

9. Red Is The New Black - Funeral For a Friend, spoilers for Trinity, set after Trinity.
After the disaster with Project Arcturus, Rodney often got ugly stares during the day. Not that he worried what people thought about him, because he knew they loved him and were just too afraid to admit it.

No, he was worried about the future. When he pictured Atlantis being revealed in the future, and Rodney getting the Nobel for his work in astrophysics, he didn't want his face to be in the papers with headlines that said "Nobel Winner Blows Up Solar Systems in Free Time."

He never told anyone his concerns, but weeks later, when they were on another alien planet and a couple of the marines that came with SGA-1 were still giving him the nasty eye, he stalked off to take some readings. "Calm down," he told himself under his breath. "They'll realize they love you again soon enough."

"They will," John said quietly, and Rodney whipped around so fast, he stumbled, but caught himself before he fell down. "It's all about trust McKay."

10. Last - Gratitude, spoilers for S2 cast, set after Duet.
"Run, McKay! Dial the gate!" John shouted, shooting at whatever was shooting at them.

"Here we go again," Ronon said lowly, and shot a guy behind John.

"Yes, so it seems," Teyla said, ducking behind a tree.

"Sheppard," McKay voice's reported in his earpiece. "The gate's dialed up!"

"Okay, go first, we'll be right behind you!" John nodded at Teyla, who sprinted off toward Rodney and the stargate. "Ready?" he asked Ronon.

Ronon just nodded as they both took off, shooting at whatever shot at them and running toward the gate. They flew through it, and when they both landed on their faces, Rodney said, "Okay, that's it. Shut it off."

"Ow," John said, nursing his cheek.

The Beginning (Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius, g)

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 19:21:31 GMT

Title: The Beginning
Author: siriusly_sex
Rating: g
Word Count: 547
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Remus/Sirius.
Summary: From My Closet AU. The beginning, with Remus and Sirius.
Warnings: CRACK!fic. (This is a Must Read before reading the following.)
Disclaimer: fic-tion n. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story

She pushs them in and smirks, winking. Then, She disappears. "What the-?" Remus says elegantly.

Sirius shrugs and flops back on the grass. "Who cares."

"You don't think it's a little weird?" We were both talking in my house just a minute ago. You were telling me about Harry and the Goblet and She shows up, drags us here, and tells us to enjoy ourselves?"

A smile spreads across Sirius' face.

"Oh no, Sirius. I'm not a young man anymore, I can't 'do it' ten times a day anymore."

"When were we ever doing it ten times a day in the first place? And hey, I was just looking at you. You're the one that made the assumption."

"Oh, right," Remus says, rolling his eyes and sliding down next to Sirius. They place She left them in looks vaguely like Hogwarts did when they were going to school there, nearly 20 years ago. The Giant Squid was languidly showing off his tentacles, and there was a giant castle off in the distance. "Is this place-"

"Hogwarts?" Sirius finishes, sitting up. "No, I don't think so. But it's nice."

Remus hums in agreement. They sit quietly, listening to the gentle splashes from the lake and the birds high above. Remus thinks he hears a dragon roar, but he figures it's just his imagination.

Sirius jumps up, suddenly feeling ten again, and runs off toward the castle. "Remus! What do you say to a little race to our accomodations, hmm?"

Remus shakes his head and laughs, standing up slowly and following the other man to the castle. Sirius eventually turns into Padfoot and runs around Remus' feet, nudging him to go faster. "Sirius," he scolds, "I told you I'm not sixteen anymore."

"Good thing," Sirius says, changing back. "because I don't fancy teenagers."

Remus laughs, their hands coming together naturally, as if thirteen years and a war didn't separate them.

"Hello?" Remus calls out when they walk inside the castle. "This looks like the Great Hall," he says, looking up. "Hello?" he calls again, his voice echoing.

"I don't think there's anyone else here, Moony," Sirius says. He points at the stairs. "Want to see if we can find our room?"

A red carpet leads them to a small room decorated with red and gold, a giant lion carving in the wall, and a small crackling fireplace. "Mmm, nice and toasty," Remus says settling down on a giant red couch. The red carpet goes up a series of stairs, Sirius points out, but Remus shakes his head. "I like it here." Sirius shrugs and turns into Padfoot once again. "I think you like being a dog," Remus says.

Padfoot barks softly and jumps on the couch, laying his head on Remus's lap. Remus pets him on the head, absently, and watches the fire flicker.

Remus wasn't even aware he fell asleep until he woke up, and found Sirius, changed back, and sleeping with his head on his lap, his legs off the side of the armrest.

When Remus yawns and stretches, Sirius blinks slowly and stifles a yawn, too. "Ready for bed, Moony?" he asks sleepily.

"Mmmmhm," Remus says, standing up and helping Sirius up, "as long as you don't make me-"

"I know, I know," Sirius says, pulling Remus toward him and giving him a chaste, gentle kiss on the lips. "No 'doing it' ten times a day."

A/N: SHMOOP.