You have to stop the Q-tip...

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 04:49:16 GMT

Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-a** clowns came to your birthday?

+ + +

Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom... I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates.... Aaaaaaaagh! My eyes! My eyes!

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:12:51 GMT

chandler: monica, i think you've gone over to the bad place

monica: that bitch always hated me

joey: you hide my clothes, i'm going to do the exact opposite to you
chandler: what are you going to do? are you going to show me my clothes?

rachel: i'm not going to go, so i think that will accomplish the not going

chandler: is (monica) crazy?
pheobe: like a straw
chandler: (gives her a weird look)
pheobe: remember crazy straws?

Engaged!!

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:22:45 GMT

I saw the episode today where chandler and monica get engaged. Does anyone have the exact wording that he used??? I'd really appreciate it!!!

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 19:12:36 GMT

So was watching from episodes from season 9 last night...

Mike: So, how ya been? (to phoebe)
Monica: I've been pretty good!

--

Phoebe: Well, I'm sorry Rachel, but not everyone is like you. Not everyone can afford help. (in reference to her rat babies)

--

and then just the entire scene when Rachel is on her bad date with John Luvitt. OMG this was seriously a hilarious season. So many good quotes...

Can't wait for season 10!

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 22:04:56 GMT

Actually most of "friends" I've watched with the russian translation. And belive me the show wasnt worse than on original. Really fun. But I decided finaly to watch the whole show on original. Yes, some jokes I couldnt understand because of my english, but most parts I enjoyed. And the first quote that came to my mind is from the one where they all go skiing and get stuck somewhere.. Well the thing is that this one of the popular phrase that we use in my company( between studentmates). Just for fun...

Monica: "WHAT'S PLEH??"

Just imagine the situation:
- Oh, hi Zhenia!
-Hi Mary. in which auditorium we're having a lecture?
-Whats pleh??? =)))

p.s. my english sux =)))

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:40:01 GMT

Hi, My name is Julie and i was wondering if anyone would liek to help me with something. Me and my my our ingrade 11, and we have a project in Media class, and we have choosen to do it on a Friends clip. We have to answer the following questions;
1) Identify the target audience, which includes specific details and explanations regarding the following characteristics:|
a)gender b)age c)race/ethnicity d)martial status e)social class

2)What might an "outisder" from a different country assume about north americans by watching Friends.

It would be so much help, and fun for all your friends fans out there! Thanks! Julie*.

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 22:33:24 GMT

Monica: Pete's breaking up with me. He left a message saying we have to talk.
Rachel: That doesn't mean he's breaking up with you.
Joey: No, maybe he just cheated on you.

Monica: I need to go water Pete's plants. You know what? If he's breaking up with me maybe I won't.
Chandler: Maybe Joey and I should water his plants, if you know what I mean.
Joey: Or...we could go pee on them.

Chandler: I don't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his butt.
Monica: I gotta tell you, I think it's okay to be that guy.

Chandler: How about if I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica: *laughs* Yea, right.
Chandler: What's so funny?
Monica:You made a joke, I laughed.
Chandler: A little TOO hard.

Monica: Strip Happy Days Game?
Joey: Well, it was either this is strip bag of old knitting stuff.

Chandler: No, I'm not going to play one on one strip poker with you for practice.

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 03:33:40 GMT

Hey there! Just stopping by to say that I have created an icon contest community for our dearly beloved show. :D

It's towtheicontest - please, please check it out and join! There are too few LJ icons for this show and I love it! :)

The One After "I Do"

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 04:22:41 GMT

Photographer: Why don’t we have Monica step away and we’ll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.

Phoebe: How about just the bridesmaids?

Chandler: Y’know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.

Phoebe: It is.

Rachel: For you. (Chandler leaves.)

Phoebe: Oh my God!

Rachel: Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can’t deal with this just quite yet.

Phoebe: So instead you told me Monica was pregnant.

Rachel: You said that she was, I just didn’t disagree with you.

Phoebe: Sneaky.

Rachel: Oh yeah.

Photographer: Smile, ladies.

Rachel: Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh, by the way?

Phoebe: Uh-hmm.

Rachel: James Brolin?

Phoebe: Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and then I remembered he’s gay.

Rachel: Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.

Phoebe: (intrigued) Really?!

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 00:02:17 GMT

Monica: I've wanted this ever since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery.

Monica: Do you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy....of course, that comes fourth behind being ready and actually wanting to...will you be my wife?

Woman in Barbados: I'm sorry, I don't own a tv.
Joey: You don't own a tv? What does all your furniture point at?!
(Very good point by the way!)

Monica: Ben, why don't you open some more presents and Santa, the armadillo and I will have a talk in the kitchen...there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 19:10:41 GMT

okay so this isnt word for word but i did my best from memory

it was my friends bithday and this is what i posted in a comment

rachel (reading card):happy birthday grandma!.....it's better to be over the hill then under it! (sniffle)....haha...(tears)yeah thats really funny...
chandler:it is funny! cuz you're not a grandma.....
rachel: yeah thats whats funny...because in order to be a grandma you have to be married and have kids...and i don't have any of those things...so thats why its so funny (cries)
monica: (to chandler) all you had to do was get the card!

London

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 01:56:02 GMT

Hugh Laurie: And it seems to be perfectly obvious that you two WERE on a break.

Fergie: Joey tells me you don't like his hat, but I think it's rather dashing.
Joey: So, I hear you're single now...
Fergie: I don't like the hat THAT much.

This was on a London video I got, think it was a deleted bit.

Ross

Tue, 31 May 2005 01:17:25 GMT

Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but—I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.

Newbie!

Wed, 25 May 2005 03:44:17 GMT

Hey all! I don't think there's such thing as belonging to too many FRIENDS communities, haha. I'm new to this one so I just thought I'd post a few quotes from the episode I watched this afternoon (TOW Rachel's Big Kiss)...

Ross: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding!
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman’s tux!
Chandler: What?
Ross: That’s right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film…that Batman film he was in.
Chandler: You can’t wear that! I’m wearing the famous tux! James Bond’s tux!
Ross: So?
Chandler: So—If you wear that you’ll make mine less special.
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
Chandler: Please, don’t take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!
Ross: Pretty please? Not very uh, 007.
Chandler: Look, it’s my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
Ross: When I got married you slept with my sister.
Chandler: That was pretty 007.

When Rachel is trying to get Melissa to remember the kiss they had back in college:

Rachel: Wh… Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldn’t stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin’ together?
Phoebe: Oh, somewhere Joey’s head is exploding.

Alright have a good night you guys!

~Kristin~

The One With Ross' Teeth

Mon, 16 May 2005 02:03:42 GMT

I apologise for all the posts but I keep thinking of them!

(about Phoebe making out with "Ralph Lauren)
Monica: I'm so jealous
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, your live-in boyfriend.
Monica: Well, just look at him.
Chandler: I'm no woman, but that is one tasty dish.

Janine: It's pot pourri, you're supposed to smell it.
Joey: Why that's like summer in a bowl.

Chandler: You're turning into a woman.
Joey: Why would you say that, that's just mean.
Chandler: Now I've upset you? What did I say?
Joey: It's not what you said, it's the way you said it.

From the last episode

Sat, 14 May 2005 00:40:33 GMT

Ross: I'm not one to kiss and tell...but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up, we totally did it.

Monica: Chandler, you're panicking.
Chandler: Uh-huh, join me won't you?

Phoebe: Have you never chased anyone through an airport before?
Ross: Not since my cop show got cancelled.

Chandler and Ross

Tue, 10 May 2005 10:29:36 GMT

Chadler: Don't come in!
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: *thinks* Ross is naked! (to Ross) Well, I couldn't say I was naked, she's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Dude, why does ANYONE have to be naked?
Monica: Why is Ross naked?
Ross: I had to show Chandler something, I guess I have a guy problem.
Monica: Is it the same thing Chandler had?

Chandler

Fri, 06 May 2005 16:34:58 GMT

Chandler: Well, back then I used to use humour as a defence mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore.

More Monica and Chandler

Wed, 04 May 2005 22:05:57 GMT

Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, won you over didn't I?
Monica: You'll never get my parents THAT drunk.

Monica and Chandler

Tue, 03 May 2005 22:58:34 GMT

(When they first see each other naked)
Chandler: Well, I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined.
Monica: Aah, we weren't that close anyway.

Chandler: Laundry, huh, is that my new nickname?
Monica: You know what your nickname is, Mr Big...

Mon, 02 May 2005 14:01:46 GMT

I was re-watching my friends dvds last night, and thought I'd share with u some of my favorite lines in the show. I put it under the cut, so that way these don't take up your whole friends page!! Enjoy!!

The One With the Morning After:( I think this was one of the most emotional episodes i've ever seen!)

Rachel: Just get away from me!
Ross: No, it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?
Rachel: A mistake?! What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Phoebe: Whe-where did he put it?!
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Ross, you had sex with another woman!

Joey: Oh man, pizza? I like pizza. (makes like he is trying to send a telepathic message to Rachel) Put olives on the pizza.
Phoebe: We could eat the wax! It’s organic.
Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
Chandler: Because that would be crazy?

[Cut to Living Room, Rachel is sleeping on the couch, Ross is gone, the rest of them can finally emerge from their cell. They all wave good bye, and start to walk quietly out, as Monica goes and puts a blanket on Rachel. Joey starts walking all hunched over and bobbing his shoulders as he goes.]
Chandler: (to Joey) Is that your new walk?
Joey: (whispering) No, I really have to pee.

The One with Joey's Big Break:

Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on
the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)
Rachel: (flinches again) Monica! Come on!
Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)
Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!
Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)
Rachel: Chandler!
Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)
Rachel: Just stop it! Come on!
(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)
Chandler: You okay there man?
Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!

Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?
Rachel: Yep!
(As she moves to get it, Monica yells…)
Monica: Go!!
(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)
Rachel: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!
Monica: Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.
Rachel: Oh! (She's trying to recover while still on the floor.)

The One in Barbados

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 13:13:18 GMT

Joey: Everything's upside down here, it rains all day long, no-one watches tv and ROSS is famous.

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 08:30:26 GMT

A whole shitpile of quotes for your enjoyment:

(i think this first one was really a mistake and they kept it in b/c they actors responded well to it and it was funny)

Joey: Guess what job i just got?!
Chandler: I dont know but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black
Everyone: What?
Chandler: Back. He wants it back
Rachel: But you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?
Chandler: You know what i meant
Monica: Yeah but you messed it up. You're stupid.
*
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other peoples attention.
Monica: WE BOTH DO THAT.
*
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
*
Ross: Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it.
*
Phoebe: That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?
*
Monica: Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
*
Jill: And you know what I said to him? I said, I'm gonna hire a lawyer and I'm gonna sue you and take all your money and then cut *you* off.
Rachel: Wow. What did he say?
Jill: He said he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.
*
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents.
*
Monica: No. Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?
Phoebe: Because I'm normal.
*
Ross: But I don't want to be single... I just want to be married again
[Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress]
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
*
Chandler: You can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
*
Joey: Right, okay, okay, uhhh, ducks is heads, because ducks... have heads.
Chandler: What kinda' scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
*
Monica: Hey Phoebe, guess what I'm thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, okay. How it's been so long since you've had sex and wondering if they've changed it?
Monica: No... although now that's what I'm thinking.
*
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
*
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jump out.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Ah, did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens now, you're going to feel SO bad.
*
Rachel: Hey, you guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeh, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No thanks I've already seen one.
*
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Aw i wish i could but, i dont want to.
*
Rachel: Guess what. Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.
Joey: [looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!?
Monica: No. Barry and Mindy.
Joey: Oh, sorry, I hear "divorce" and I automatically go to Ross.
*
Rachel: Guess what?
Chandler: Okay um.. the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
*
Chandler: Oh, I know, this must be so hard. "Oh no, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties AND MY DIAMOND SHOES ARE TOO TIGHT."
*
Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but,
[points to Ross]
married a lesbian,
[points to Rachel]
left a man at the altar,
[points to Phoebe]
fell in love with a gay ice dancer,
[points to Joey]
threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire,
[points to the box Chandler's in]
live in a box!
*
Monica: The camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?
*
Chandler: You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding.
Monica: Me too.
Chandler: You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours...
Monica: Yeah?
Chandler: Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think... bossy and domineering?
Monica: The wedding's off, sloppy and immature. ......Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room.
Chandler: Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill.
Monica: Shrill? The wedding's back on.
*
Ross: [To Monica] Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good.
*
Nurse: There are too many people in here. So if you aren't an ex-husband, or a lesbian life-partner, please leave.
Chandler: Do you have to be *Carol*'s lesbian life-partner?
*
Chandler: [In response to one of Joey's stupid comments] How do you not fall down more?
*
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
[everyone stares at Chandler]
Chandler: ... Did I say that out loud?
*
Monica: Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?
*
Joey: Ross, if homosapiens actually were HOMOsapiens, is that why they're exctinct?
Ross: Joey, homosapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.
*
Ross: Carol's a lesbian, and I'm not one... and apparently it's not a mix and match situation.
*
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point.
*
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.
*
Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it.
*
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.
Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer.
*
Ross: You know what? I'd better pass on the game. I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey. Let's all do that.
*
Monica: Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: I'd probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh, Joey... Omnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.
*
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
*
Chandler: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man, " they'll shout!
*
Phoebe: Quit being so "testosterony".
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat.
*
Rachel: Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck, fantastic?
Monica: It's an expression.
*
Monica: Here is your last box of clothes. I'll just label them, "What were you thinking?"
Rachel: That's funny, because i was just gonna go across the hall and write that on CHANDLER!
*
Chandler: From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So - you're just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.
Phoebe: All right, so what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me... Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Um... Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. It's Clint.
Joey: See ya later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. Clint.
Joey: What's up with Gene?
*
(Not a funny quote, but definitely a classic)
Chandler: I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
*
Rachel: Oh my God. I've become my father. I've been trying so hard not to become my mother, I didn't see this coming.
*
Rachel: See? Unisex.
Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.
Joey: I wouldn't say no to that.
*
Susan: There's Father's Day, there's Mother's Day, there's no Lesbian Lover's Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover's Day.
*
Chandler: [To Ross] You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year.
*
Monica: [To Ross] Alright you can date her, if you promise not to marry her!
Ross: alri...but what if she's the one?!
Joey: Dude, you have a problem!!
*
Chandler: Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush.
*
Rachel: Well, it was one night at a party and we both had a lot of sangria and we started kissing.
Ross: Now that's two of my ex-wives.
*
Chandler: Did you do it on our invitations?
Ross: Not on the ones we sent out.
Chandler: Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed.
*
Joey: Where are you going? The vicar won't be home for hours.
Rachel: Joey, where'd you learn that word?
*
Phoebe: How do you know a woman like that?
Joey: I'm not allowed to know smart women?
Phoebe: Joey...
Joey: I met her at the library, i went in to back one out.
(from the gag reel)
*
Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?
*
Joey: Hey Rach. How you doin'?
Rachel: I'm doing good baby. How you doin'?
Joey: Ross. Don't let her drink anymore.
*
Phoebe: I just saw somebody that looked like you in the station. I was going to go up to him to tell him. But what does he care he looks like you.
Joey: That just cost me four bucks.
*
Monica: Tell me, how cute is this: Lesbian wedding - Chicken breasts!
Rachel: I think i'm gonna be sick
Monica: What? It's not like i'm putting nipples on them!
*
Monica: Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
*
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: [drinks from the glass] Yep, it's fat. I drank fat.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.
*
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.
Phoebe: He could not, would not want to wait.
*
Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping.
Ross: What?
Chandler: The sheep.
Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
*
Monica: Why is your family Scottish?
Chandler: Why is your family ROSS?!
*
Monica: Okay, umm, I just wanna say that... I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night.
[Chandler clears his throat]
Monica: Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit.
*
Joey: But I can't stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early, " did you mean 1986?
*
Rachel: Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players.
Monica: Oh, I already have one.
Phoebe: Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist.
Rachel: Yeah, and by someone, she means Joey.
*
Rachel: Yeah. I've been sailing my whole life. When I was fifteen my dad bought me my own boat.
Phoebe: Your own boat?
Rachel: What? He was trying to cheer me up. My pony was sick.
*
Monica: Guys, hurry up. The flight leaves in four hours. It could take time to get a taxi. There could be traffic. The plane could leave early. When we get to London, there could be a line at customs. Come on.
Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica
*
Phoebe: [imitating Chandler] OK, could that report BE any later?
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Joey: Oh, yes you do.
Ross: The hills are alive with the sound... OF music.
*
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind.
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
*
Monica: This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery".
*
Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won.
Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried.
*
Phoebe: I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.
*
Ross: Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time.
Chandler: That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum.
*
Ross: I'm gonna say this as Monica's brother. Not as your friend.
Chandler: So now you're not my friend?
Ross: Not now.
Chandler: All right.
Ross: So i couldn't be happier cause you're marrying Monica. But if someday you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down and kick your ass.
Chandler: Hahahahahahaha.
Ross: What, what? I'm just warning you. I'll hunt you down and kick your ass.
Chandler: Ok. So now you're my friend again?
Ross: Yes.
Chandler: You wouldn't believe what Monica's brother just told me...
*
Joey: I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years.
Chandler: That was five years ago.
Joey: I know. You got five more years.
Chandler: Joey...
Joey: You want to make it six?
*
Monica: Dad, Chandler didn't melt your records, Ross did. And Dad, you know that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboy's, Ross did.
Ross: Yea, well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did.
Monica: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.
Ross: MONICA & CHANDLER ARE LIVING TOGETHER.
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas, and got divorced, AGAIN.
Phoebe: I Love Jok Custou.
Rachel: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle.
Joey: I WANNA GOOOOOOO.
Judy Geller: That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds.
*
Chandler: The world is my Lesbian wedding
*
Monica: Stick out your tongue.
Chandler: Take off your shirt.
*
Monica: Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
Rachel: How many ways are there to do that?
*
Rachel: I'll just become a lesbian
Monica: Any woman would be lucky to have you
*
Monica: Oh my God. She knows about us.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows about us and she's just trying to freak us out. That's the only explanation for it.
Chandler: OK. But what about my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps... SHE KNOWS.
*
Phoebe: Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla.
Rachel: Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I've done lots of crazy things. I mean I got drunk and married in Vegas.
Phoebe: To Ross.
*
Rachel: Oh there he is, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village.
*
Monica: We have to talk.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not.
Monica: All right, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is.
*
Ross: Hey, Mon, if everything works out between you and Richard's son, you will be able to tell your kids, that you slept with their grandfather.
*
Chandler: That's the magical story you use when you want to have sex.
Rachel: How do you know about that story?
Joey: How do YOU know about that story?
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy.
Joey: [raising his hand] some guy.
Rachel: No, she told me his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: [raising his hand again] Ken Adams.

Sidenote: My friend's brother is one the writers of friends (and the creator of Joey) and i know where the name "Ken Adams" came from. All i can letcha know though is that it is a fake name someone uses ;)
*
Joey: You think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk.
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?
*
Joey: Get her crotchless panties!
Chandler: As great as that sounds to a boyfriend.. AND her brother... [gestures towards Ross]
*
Phoebe: Aw, Pheebs.
Rachel: Honey, thats your name
Phoebe: Oh thats short for Phoebe?! I thought it was just something we called each other!
*
Monica: No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I - Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Give me one more.
Joey: Okay. [Hands her one]
*
Rachel: Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
Rachel: Okay, you win
*
Monica: Did you know i'm allergic to shellfish?
Rachel: Well then i guess you'll just have to eat the other lamps!

That is one of my fave lines! I laugh *every* time i see it!
*
Joey: I went out with this girl. Really hot, great kisser. But she had the biggest adam's apple..
Chandler: [to Ross] You or me?
Ross: [To Chandler] I got it. [To Joey] Um Joey, women dont have adam's apples..
[the girls all look up revealing their necks w/o adam's apples]
Joey: You guys are messing with me arentcha?
Everyone: yeah! yeah we are!
Joey: For a second there i was like, WHOAH!
*
Chandler: Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place? [meaning in the game]
Chandler: All right. [on phone] Yes, this is Rachel.
*
Phoebe: Dont get me started on gravity!
Ross: You dont believe in gravity?
Phoebe: its not so much that i dont believe in it moreso that, i dont know, lately i've been feeling as i'm not so much being pulled down as i am being pushed
[theres a knock at the door]
Chandler: Uh-oh, its isaac newton, and he's pissed. Quick Pheebs, hop on the ceiling!
*
[Joey walks in and then there's a knock at the door]
Chandler: You know, once you're inside, you dont have to knock anymore.
*
Phoebe: Can't we just say that you believe in something, and i dont?
Ross: No we cant, because its like math. One plus one equals two. I cant sit back and let you think that one plus one *might* equal three or four or yellow!
*
Rachel: Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women.
*
Chandler: What if i already found her but i dumped her because she pronounces it "supposebly"
later..
Joey: Supposebly... supposebly... did they go to the zoo? supposebly.
*
Parker: I'm sorry if I put a good spin on everything. It's who I am, I'm a positive person.
Phoebe: No, I'm a positive person. You're like Santa Claus... on prozac... in Disney Land... getting laid.
*
Phoebe: Ross, could you just open your mind like this much. Wasnt there a time when the brightest minds in the world thought the earth was flat. And up until like 50 years ago you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open and a whole mess of crap came out. Now are you telling me that you are so unbelieveable arrogant that you cannot admit that there could be a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
Ross: There might be a teeny tiny possibility
Phoebe: I cant believe you caved!
Ross: What??
Phoebe: Ugh, before i didnt agree with you but at least i respected you! You just gave up your whoel belief system! How are you gonna go to work tomorrow? How are you gonna face the other scientist guys? How are you gonna face yourself?!
[Ross turns and walks out]
Phoebe: That was fun!
*
On a gag reel:
Monica: [after not being able to get the line right over and over again] I dont wanna play anymore!
*
Chandler: Well, it's over. The thing we had.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because, we had a fight. I mean...
Monica: Chandler, you don't just give up after you have a fight. I mean, if you do that you'd never have a relationship lasting longer than... Ohhhhh.
*
[Jack not knowing that Richard is dating Monica, inquiring about Richard's new twinkie in the city]
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
*
Ross: So, did you bring Joey?
Rachel: Uh, no, but I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler. You brought Chandler. The next best thing would be Monica.
Chandler: Normally, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong.
*
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing... Your parents never gave you a chance.
*
Rachel: Condoms are only like 70% effective
Ross: What?! Well they should put that on the box!!!!!!
Rachel: They do.
Ross: [getting box of condoms and looking at it] Well they should put it in BIG BLOCK LETTERS!!!
*
Monica: I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals.
Chandler: Before or after you're executed by your own troops?

I know this is from season 4, but can anyone tell me which episode? I forget and i wanna watch it! Thanks!
*
Chandler: Don't do this to me. I wouldn't do anything on your wedding to make you upset.
Ross: At my wedding, you slept with my sister.
Chandler: *that* was very 007
*
Chandler: Oh my God.
Joey: What?
Chandler: There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.
Joey: Ooh. A tape with a girl's name on it. It's probably a sex tape.
[Joey thinks]
Joey: Wait a minute. This says Monica.
[Joey looks around]
Joey: And this is Richard's apartment.
[thinks more]
Chandler: Get there faster!!
*
Ross: You've never had salt water taffy?!
Phoebe: I'm sorry, my mom was too busy planning her suicide to provide salt water treats.
*
Joey: You know one of these times you're really gonna be naked and we're not gonna come over!
Monica: Ooooh that'll teach me!
*
Charles Bing: Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?
Nora Bing: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?

They said the audience laughed so long and hard at this line that they actually had to edit OUT the laughter in order to get Chandler's next line in.
*
Nora Bing: At my wedding, I saw the groom in a wedding dress.
Charles Bing: You saw me after the wedding. It isn't bad luck then.
Nora Bing: Trust me honey, it isn't good luck.
*
Ross: I'm not a pervert.
Phoebe: Please, that's like the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants and repeat that.
*
Rachel: [after banging her head on the wall] You know if it isnt a headboard, it just isnt worth it
*
Chandler: [to Ross] Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself.
*
Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way. I've been going to that guy for 12 years.
Chandler: Oh, come on. He said he was going to do my inseam, and then he ran his hand up my leg. And then, there was definite... cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear.
[Chandler and Ross stare at him]
Joey: What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes. Yes, it is... In prison!
*
Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
*
Joey: You guys have to be at the next table in case I, you know, start to say something stupid.
Ross: Just now, or all the time? Because we have jobs you know.
*
Joey: I'm not Drake.
Ross: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.
Erica: Is this true?
Rachel: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because... because he pretended to be Drake too, to sleep with me.
[Rachel throws water in his face]
Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't.
[Monica throws water in his face]
Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard!!
[Chandler throws water in his face]
*
Phoebe: Bing, what an unusual name.
Chandler: Well you should meet my uncle, Bada. ...I'll let myself out.
*
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?
Chandler: Oh, it's mine. I wrote a not to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up...
[notices Monica's angry glare]
Chandler: ...And now I wish I was dead.
*
Rachel: Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?
*
Rachel: [Picking up the phone] Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol, and you know, we would like some more beers too... hello? Oh wait... I forgot to dial.
[There is a knock at the door]
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers.
*
Tag: Phoebe? Wow... that's a great name.
Phoebe: Oh you like that? You should hear my number
*
Phoebe: A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick.
*

whew i'm getting tired and its getting late.. so thats all for now

More lotsa quotes

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 00:54:01 GMT

Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?

Phoebe: They don't know that we know they know we know.

Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: After one class? I don't think so.
Rachel: What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!
Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

Ross: So do you have any cats that are very old or incredibly sick?
Julie: Ross... I don't want one that's about to die...
Ross: Oh well, we should've discussed this before we came down here
Julie: Ok Ross, look I'm gonna narrow it down to this one over here... and this one with the stripes... You pick...
Ross: Woah, woah... I... I have to pick?
Julie: Yeah sure which ever one you want... Well, do you wanna take both?
Ross: Both? Both? I can't have TWO cats!... Joey's the kind of guy that can have two cats...

[Joey finds out Chandler likes his girlfriend]
Joey: Did you sleep with her?
Chandler: No, we just kissed.
Joey: That's even worse.
Chandler: How is that worse?
Joey: I don't know, but it's the same.

Chandler: Why wouldn't your parents be happy that we're living together?
Monica: Well, um, because mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry.
Chandler: What? What? Why?
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, you know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
Chandler: Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?

Monica: OKAY. Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Ross: Well, I don't know. Phoebe just threw a Jack away because he didn't look happy.

[Phoebe is cutting Monica's hair]
Phoebe: Relax, I know what I'm doing, this is how HE wears it.
Monica: How who wears it?
Phoebe: Demi Moore
Monica: Demi Moore is not a he.
Phoebe: Well, he was HE in ARTHUR and in 10, eh.
Monica: THAT'S DUDLEY MOORE., I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.
Phoebe: Oh, OH.
Monica: OH MY GOD.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'M SORRY. Which one is Demi Moore?
Monica: SHE'S the ACTRESS, who was in DISCLOSURE, INDECENT PROPOSAL, and GHOST.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
Monica: I KNOW.

Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
On the phone
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.

Joey: Hey, Gunther, have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I though *you* were Chandler. Anyway, one of you is over there.

Joey: Here it is buddy boy, you hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh My God, that is so not the opposite of taking someone's underwear.
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I *be* wearing anymore clothes?

Ross: I know something that will cheer you up, guess whose middle name is Muriel?
Rachel: OH MY GOD. Chandler M. Bing.

Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

Ross: Every week a TV Guide is delivered to Joey and Chandler. What is the name on the magazine?
Rachel: Oh it's Chandler Bing. Him. Right there.
Monica: No.
Ross: Actually the correct answer is "Chanandler Bong"
Chandler: Actually, it's Ms. Chanandler Bong.

The One With Rachel's Other Sister

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 00:11:09 GMT

Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?

Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china
today?

Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special.
Like if the Queen of England comes over.

Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint.

Monica: What if something gets broken, they're so expensive.

Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?

Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over...

Chandler: I will explain it to her.

Monica: Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen.

*

TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap
Days of Our Lives .

[Joey's eyes become large and he stands up]

Joey: Oh my God!

Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?

Joey: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm.

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<img src="http://friends.norge.cc/bilder/epguide/s908-2.jpg">

Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down?

Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china
today?

Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special.
Like if the Queen of England comes over.

Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, <lj-cut text="take the hint.">take the hint.

Monica: What if something gets broken, they're so expensive.

Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them?

Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over...

Chandler: I will explain it to her.

Monica: <laughs> Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen.

*

TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap
Days of Our Lives .

[Joey's eyes become large and he stands up]

Joey: Oh my God!

Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives?

Joey: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm.

<Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up>

<Joey looks>
Oh! Stupid long sleeves.

*

Woman at door: Hello? Rachel?

Rachel: Who is it?

Woman at door: It's your favorite sister.

Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill?

Woman at door (in a sing song voice): Amy.

Rachel: Hide my rings.

*

Rachel: Oh Amy, you remember Ross.

Amy: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to
date.

Ross: That was me.

*

Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL!

Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise.

*

Phoebe: Hey, what's going on Joe?

Joey: I.. I.. I need a good lie.

Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You could see the strings people!

*

Phoebe: ...What was the work thing?

Joey: Uh.. (forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his
right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks)

Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"?

Joey: Oh.. man!

*

Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to
get your real nose?

Rachel: Amy!
Yes I do.. I really do. *grabs Ross' hand for support*

*

Amy (discussing their apartment): Seriously? Its... it's just these rooms? I thought you were a doctor.

Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD.

Amy: Ew.

Rachel: God she is unbelievable.

Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD.

Rachel: Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want
you there with your fossil brush.

*

Rachel: What? What happened?

Amy: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean... I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys.

Ross: Don't say that.

*

Rachel: Um look I was thinking... If its okay with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving.

Ross: You know, I think that's a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis.

*

Monica (to Amy): So. Welcome. Is this your first time you're seeing Emma?

Amy with confused look on face: Yeah I.. I think so. [sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe] It's nice to meet you Emma.

Phoebe shakes her hand and says: Phoe-Be.

Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise.

*

Amy: Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died.

*

Amy: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.

Ross [correcting her]: Emma.

Amy [turns around to Phoebe]: Emma, Ross wants you.

Phoebe: PHOE-BE.

Amy (turns to Ross and Rachel): Why does she keep making that noise?

*

Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and
your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the
towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your
baby isn't even that cute.

[Everyone sucks their breath in, in shock]

Ross: Too far, Amy. Too far.

Rachel: You take that back.

Amy: No.

Rachel: Take it back!

Amy: No! What are you going to do? Make me?

Rachel: Heey man, I work out.

Amy: So do I.

Rachel: I do pilates.

Amy: I do yoga.

Rachel: Bring it on!

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