x_gohatto (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} x_gohatto) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} _______feathers,@ 2008-05-09 16:44:00 |
|
Fasting
I haven't eaten anything at all today [It's almost 5pm].
And for some reason, I don't really want to, or feel the need.
I don't usually fast.
Actually, I've attempted it, but failed.
I don't fast, or purge, and for some strange reason that was kinda, comforting.
That it somehow meant I don't really have an ED. That restricting is just a more effective form of dieting. That it's normal.
As long as I eat something, and don't throw up, I'm normal.
I might eat tonight, but only if I can't avoid it. Just 'cause my mum's been asking what I've been eating. She doesn't know that I've been trying to lose weight, although she's noticed I'm losing it. I can't see it. My clothes are too big for me, but if I look in the mirror, I'm still way too fat.
I don't understand it.
It's so frustrating.
But, today I've worked out that the more I eat, the harder it is not to [if that makes sense].
I have a little, I have to have a little bit more. Not a binge, but just... something.
If I get up and just don't eat, I have no desire to eat.
It's weird, I thought it would be the other way round.
Anyway, back to revising Japanese. My test's in just over a week.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
I haven't eaten anything at all today [It's almost 5pm].
And for some reason, I don't really want to, or feel the need.
I don't usually fast.
Actually, I've attempted it, but failed.
I don't fast, or purge, and for some strange reason that was kinda, comforting.
That it somehow meant I don't really have an ED. That restricting is just a more effective form of dieting. That it's normal.
As long as I eat something, and don't throw up, I'm normal.
I might eat tonight, but only if I can't avoid it. Just 'cause my mum's been asking what I've been eating. She doesn't know that I've been trying to lose weight, although she's noticed I'm losing it. I can't see it. My clothes are too big for me, but if I look in the mirror, I'm still way too fat.
I don't understand it.
It's so frustrating.
But, today I've worked out that the more I eat, the harder it is not to [if that makes sense].
I have a little, I have to have a little bit more. Not a binge, but just... something.
If I get up and just don't eat, I have no desire to eat.
It's weird, I thought it would be the other way round.
Anyway, back to revising Japanese. My test's in just over a week.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
