butter (underaleaf) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} _______feathers,@ 2008-03-28 21:27:00 |
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wishhh (re-reading "The Truth About Forever" by Sarah Dessen)
im home, and no more depressing thoughts :) (i had them in the morning, convincing myself if i didnt have a good day outside, which i did get out alot today, then i would consider myself depressed)
but im not sure if i told you guys, but in December a friend of mine died.
The thought of her death (im turning 15 next week, on thursday, and so we were both still 14 at that point) and the thought that she DIED, still lingers. its one of the things that kept me distant from the PWITT's in my life (lingering-friends who are "People I Talked To") and moved me closer to my best friend and our friends.
So I thought of how I was supposed to be on a trip to Seattle the day after i got out fro winter break, the day after her death. I was supposed to be with my aunts who are possibly my best friends in the world other than my brother and my dog.
I thought of how my aunt was told about the death of my friend, and how when I talked to her before or after the funeral, she said it was a good choice (without us knowing at that point) that i never went to go see my aunts, how i would have missed the funeral.
i thought about my decision to not go see her would be because i wanted to go back to see my friends in new york. i thought of how if i HAD gone to new york instead of my plans not working out and me staying home, how i pictured myself sitting on the edge of my best friend's bed at 9:30 in the morning thinking over the possibility's of how the funeral was being played out, at that very moment. i thought of it like it was a movie, and was put to sleep by it.
wow. DEEP.
im home, and no more depressing thoughts :) (i had them in the morning, convincing myself if i didnt have a good day outside, which i did get out alot today, then i would consider myself depressed)
but im not sure if i told you guys, but in December a friend of mine died.
The thought of her death (im turning 15 next week, on thursday, and so we were both still 14 at that point) and the thought that she DIED, still lingers. its one of the things that kept me distant from the PWITT's in my life (lingering-friends who are "People I Talked To") and moved me closer to my best friend and our friends.
So I thought of how I was supposed to be on a trip to Seattle the day after i got out fro winter break, the day after her death. I was supposed to be with my aunts who are possibly my best friends in the world other than my brother and my dog.
I thought of how my aunt was told about the death of my friend, and how when I talked to her before or after the funeral, she said it was a good choice (without us knowing at that point) that i never went to go see my aunts, how i would have missed the funeral.
i thought about my decision to not go see her would be because i wanted to go back to see my friends in new york. i thought of how if i HAD gone to new york instead of my plans not working out and me staying home, how i pictured myself sitting on the edge of my best friend's bed at 9:30 in the morning thinking over the possibility's of how the funeral was being played out, at that very moment. i thought of it like it was a movie, and was put to sleep by it.
wow. DEEP.
