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[May. 9th, 2008|12:26 am] |
Anyway! Life is pretty good right now. I'm supposed to be fasting but I keep messing up but I'm not upset about it cause I'm finally at 190 which means since last year I have lost 60 solid pounds!!!
Ok so I got up the courage to ask this really cute kid I met to hang out with me this weekend and he replied essentially saying yes and that he'll come by tomorrow. Ok the problem is that I'm scared and paranoid right now. I messaged him over facebook and I'm afraid that maybe he thinks its just a friends thing or he'll bring his friends or he won't even think I like him or just something stupid... I'm nervous
Ok so back story to me and this kid. I was just recently introduced to him by some of his friends and we all hung out one night and i tried to be flirty. He messaged me last weekend for all of us to hang out but I had plans. I got some weird Facebook chat thing from him saying "Sup babe?" but I wasn't around... So yeah... thats the history which is basically none at all since I barely know him
This is silly but could you girl read the message and accurately interpret it for me?!
This is it:
Me: Hey I was thinking that it would be cool for you and me to hang out before the end of the year. This weekend I'm working this outside hip hop concert on Friday and am pretty open Saturday night. Just let me know and feel free to IM me at luluforui43. Toodles =)
Him: that sounds good, i'll stop by the hip hop concert. is it on the greek lawn?
Me:Right now it is on the Greek lawn but I don't know if we'll end up moving it because of the weather... I'll let you know though =)
Ok please tell me what you think please! I freak out when it comes to guys. I don't see why a guy would even like me... *sigh*
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[May. 9th, 2008|07:53 am] |
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SOo yesterday I b/p'ed...I couldnt help myself, I had such a stressful day and I kept hearing that ice cream in the fridge SCREAMING my name........( no excuses, no excuses ) and I have another day of full on TASK....I did wel yesterday....I'm hoping today goes a little more easy for me...Anyways, I was really thinking yesterday...I went biking on the trails by myself. Sometimes when I'm excercising and the right song comes on I feel very spiritual, and with everything that's going on in life...I pulled off to the side and walked this concrete ridged, rocky, stairs down to the edge of the river...I was listening to "Let Go" by Frou Frou....and I laid down on the rocky stairs and looked at the trees above and the flowered tree in between all of the green, and for a quick moment I felt I was escaping from the turmoil of my life.............of my mind. I wish I could find that place at any point in my day, I guess that's just my little piece of heaven..... marily monroe did say "I restore myself when I'm alone"...yeah I used to too Marilyn, and it put me in jail lol..........mmm : ) |
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[May. 9th, 2008|07:54 am] |
ok so i just bought a container thing of whey protein. it has 120 calories for 8 oz, 1g of fat, 4g of carbs and 24g of protein. i figure i'll have one for breakfast everyday to try and win back my metabolism! and plus it's cookies and cram flavored ;] does anyone else use protein shakes? good? bad?
have an awesome day (to those of you starting your day) =] |
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[May. 9th, 2008|10:03 am] |
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| | you could be happy-snow patrol | ] |
Hi everone :)
I haven't been posting on this community in i think 1 year..
I got rid of my ed (somewhat) for quite a while even tho it's been coming in and out of my life.
But now i guess it wanted to stay when it came back last..
I'm so happy to be back on this community :D
Does any one need a email buddy, for support & encouragement in loosing weight?
Cuz i do! So email me at miss.meli.ssa@hotmail.com
I can't wait to start this again..
Gain control of my life, finally. Look good. & Be happy.
Much love xx |
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[May. 9th, 2008|11:39 am] |
I will be skinny!!!!!
THE EFFIN END
took me a good week to come back down to 111...stupid water weight is making me feel alll ewww... |
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[May. 9th, 2008|12:09 pm] |
*screams of frustration* AH, I hit 169.5 yesterday for the second time in a week, but then, despite walking 2 hours and not binging, I bounced right back up to 171.0.... ahhhh! I'm so annoyed.
So far today I have had 200 calories cottage cheese and pineapple. I really want to go work out, but I'm writing this ridiculous 15 page paper so I don't have time... I'm settling for standing up and doing 20 jumping jacks whenever I can. And then abs and pushups before bed? Hopefully that will be enough.
Today just sucks. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|01:34 pm] |
i dont know if any of you have heard of suicide girls
but i think they're fucking gorgeous.
if i ever stop hating my body i'd love to be one.
but in anycase i'm putting these pics under a cut cuz a lot of them are nude and what not, people tend to get offended so....
( thinspo ) |
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| Fasting |
[May. 9th, 2008|04:44 pm] |
I haven't eaten anything at all today [It's almost 5pm].
And for some reason, I don't really want to, or feel the need.
I don't usually fast.
Actually, I've attempted it, but failed.
I don't fast, or purge, and for some strange reason that was kinda, comforting.
That it somehow meant I don't really have an ED. That restricting is just a more effective form of dieting. That it's normal.
As long as I eat something, and don't throw up, I'm normal.
I might eat tonight, but only if I can't avoid it. Just 'cause my mum's been asking what I've been eating. She doesn't know that I've been trying to lose weight, although she's noticed I'm losing it. I can't see it. My clothes are too big for me, but if I look in the mirror, I'm still way too fat.
I don't understand it.
It's so frustrating.
But, today I've worked out that the more I eat, the harder it is not to [if that makes sense].
I have a little, I have to have a little bit more. Not a binge, but just... something.
If I get up and just don't eat, I have no desire to eat.
It's weird, I thought it would be the other way round.
Anyway, back to revising Japanese. My test's in just over a week.
Hope everyone is having a good day. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|05:01 pm] |
Hmm... this is quite weird. Usually, I fantasize about looking like a VS model at my goal weight... all slender curves but still... normal somehow, you know? Like, just happy thin girl. Suddenly, I just got a craving to be the-wind-blows-her-over tiny. Like, just... adorable. I want to be adorable.
Or, maybe, I think that's the only way I'm ever going to be adored. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|06:14 pm] |
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[May. 9th, 2008|11:13 pm] |
i've been thinking about trying diet pills lately and i was reading different reviews and there are three that i am looking to try out. they are
1. Leptovox
2. Fenphedra
3. Xylestril
has anyone heard of or tried any of these? if so, how well did they work?
Leptovox has a money-back guarantee, so i'm considering trying it. I will post if i decide to go through with it. =) |
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| biggest binge of my LIFE |
[May. 9th, 2008|11:23 pm] |
and i still managed to be 95 pounds with water weight :)
i thank god
ENTIRELY!!!!!
my best friend is right by my side
and its crazy how shes playing guitar hero and doesnt know im on a basically self support and also pro ana group thing
i know feathers isnt pro ana but there are people, you know???
it felt good. to eat.
do you think it will catch up with me tomorrow, or would i see the gained weight already??
im promising myself the weekend is my fasting weekend
but next week is too.
i dont know what happened yesterday and today. no ideaaaa. |
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[May. 9th, 2008|11:56 pm] |
Hey girlies
I didn't do so well today
Not well at all, in fact.
But tomorrow I'm getting right back on track. I'm going shopping tomorrow so that'll be motivation, for a start. Then there's the fact that a) graduation is looming and b) I need to be thin for oxegen! I keep seeing this guy I used to have a major crush on - he used to be in our school but left last year so I never really got over him I suppose - and I want him to see me tiny. I might be seeing him next Friday, and I'll probably see him at oxegen so I really, really want to be tiny. Like majorly. And it's not even that he likes skinny girls - I don't really know - but he keeps picking me up (cause I'm the shortest and he's tall) and I want him to be like 'damn you're light' as opposed to 'holy crap' which is basically how I felt when he picked me up today.
God I love it when guys pick you up. =] Only advantage of being short.
So basically
I have to lose weight
I have to be skinny
Love you girls
<33 |
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_______feathers