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Like many of you, I was busy watching my friends watch football. And I heard a lot about who has “home field advantage” and “whose side the crowd’s on.”
Think about it, people. All the great conquests were away games.
The ancient Vikings, for one, didn’t do any conquering at home. What would be the point? Instead, they got in their dragon-headed team bus and rowed off on a five-village plundering road series. No fan support anywhere. Gnarly beards helped.
Everybody should conquer and everybody can. For example, during a road trip to Frisco, I drank two bottles of sparking apple juice in a half hour. In memoriam, I built this and taped it on the dashboard of my Sentra.
Day 7
So what’s next? You’ll have to wait and see. Something great, folks. Something very great.
Day 7
Memories are the woven tapestries of our lives. Mine has moths. Honest. I can’t remember anything. That’s why I blog. If I didn’t have a permanent online record of the stuff I’ve done, I’d probably think I was raised in the Sahara by a wild pack of xylophones. Go ahead, ask me how many years I spent in Saskatchewan. Good question. I don’t remember. Let me check my blog… You scoundrel! I’ve never even been to Saskatchewan! Is there no limit to your trickery?!
Day 2
Seriously. Somehow I parked my home ringside for Seagull Deathmatch III: This Time, It’s Personal. What a way to wake up.
Day 2
Here’s the rest of the video. My photographic device steals Shadoe’s soul, leaving him at a scant +5 magic power. That is, until he pulls from his inventory the most fearsome of implements.
The other day, I’m driving on the 10 and this white van pulls up along side me in the fast lane, slows down, nearly causing a pileup and stopping traffic behind him, rolls down his window and says, “hey, you’re the guy in those commercials.” I smiled. He asked me to take down his phone # and call him; I wrote it on my hand but accidentally washed it off.
Another time, I saw a billboard of myself and started laughing hysterically. The guy in the next car over looked at me, then at the billboard, then did a double take.
Everyone should have their own billboard at least once in their life.
To answer a popular question, no, I’m not still living in the Sentra. Other people think I live in a mansion. I don’t. I still do my own laundry and brush my own teeth.
I Did What?
Thought I’d answer a few of the questions people have been asking since I finished the 7 days.
Q: Did you really live in your Sentra for 7 days?
A: Uh, yeah. We’ve got 168 hours of film to show for it. It’s like the home movie marathon from hell.
Q: Why?
A: Because I can’t say no to a good challenge. And because I’ve got a thing for new car smell. “What? You want me to breathe new car smell for an entire week? I’m in!”
Q: Whose idea was this?
A: Somebody from Nissan got bit by a radioactive squirrel, giving them superpowers to climb trees, hold large amounts of food in their cheeks and imagine a guy living in a Sentra for a week. Then they used their superhuman web browsing skills to find my blog and call me on their superphone.
Q: Did you get to keep the Sentra?
A: Well, it’s in parked in front of my apartment. So either it’s mine or you’ll see my picture in the post office.
Q: Was living in your car fun
A: Yes and no. No, because people look at you like you’re a freak. Yes, because people look at you like you’re a freak.
Q: How did you sleep in your car?
A: Like this:
And, by far, the most asked question of all…
Q: Can you get mad at acorns?
A: No. You cannot get mad at acorns.
Day 7
I did it! 7 days in my car. For my next project, I’m going to camp out with Shadoe Stevens in his wagon for a week and live off of corndogs and soda.
Day 7
Really, there is nothing quite like making a pot of coffee in your car. I picked up one of those sweet coffee makers that runs off your lighter outlet, which is possibly one of the best inventions of the 20th century. Get one.
Before I left for home, I bathed using one of those shower bag thingies you take camping. A couple honked at me. Yeah, that’s real sexy!
Day 7
Here’s what you gotta do to stay in shape. Get a haz-mat suit, a plastic space helmet, and a thick fake gold chain. Put it all on and run.
The haz-mat suit will make you sweat a lot, the gold chain not only will add bling value but will bounce around which in turn massages your neck, and since you will look like a complete fool, the space helmet conceals your identity.
Day 6
After years of disciplined study in the Gobi Desert’s sweltering heat wearing nothing but fiberglass underwear…many more years of training at the bottom of the ocean…and after attending two self-help seminars, I think I finally have what it takes to make myself completely disappear into thin air. On this extremely historical occasion, I made myself vanish into a cloud of colored smoke and then reappeared minutes later, five feet away, ready to fight crime, make bologna sandwiches, and play badminton!!
Goodnight!!
Day 6
Just got a call from my Friend Hak, a.k.a Body Karate. He just got back into town from a trip he took to Cambodia. He was making a documentary about his mom visiting home for the first time since she left during Pol Pot’s regime. Intense!
Anyhow, Hak told me that it’s customary in Cambodia restaurant restrooms that the attendant gives you a massage while you pee! Weird. Can you imagine if an American fast food chain implemented something like that? Worldwide chaos!!
Day 6
Work was a real life sucker today. Really movin’ units!
I decided to stay in tonight. I ordered a pizza and watched a movie on my MP3, which I can plug into my car and listen to in surround sound. Genius – my last car’s stereo had only one working speaker and it sounded like it was angry and bitter for being the only one left. No one likes a grumpy speaker!
BTW, this is the first time, and possibly the last, that I’ve spent the night in the belly of a corporate parking structure. Nothing like huffing lingering exhaust fumes all night!
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7daysinasentra- Marc Horowitz
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The Couriers: Late Bird [download] |
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Marqui Adora: Empty [download] |
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Conner: Enough For You And Me [download] |
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The Innocence Mission: Martha Avenue Love Song [download] |
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Tokyo Police Club: Be Good [download] |
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