Current mood:	hyper
Entry tags:	gazette

Gazette Spring (3/12)
Title: Glimpse of real (3/12)
Author: aliale
Theme: I. 18, Rainfall
Claim: Reita x Uruha
Pairing(s): Reita x Uruha
Genre: no idea as for now O_O
Summary: Everything used to go by an eternal pattern. Untill one starts noticing too much...
Comments: Constructive criticism always welcome. Also, thanks to aiji_kun for being my beta. There still might be some slip ups, so ... yeah you know :)

Previous
I.06
I.13

The torrent of grey behind the cold glass cuts me away from the concrete reality.
At least that is what I like to belive in.
That is what I like to tell myself at nights like this.

Watching the heavy tears of the dark sky race down my windows I can let myself feel.
Feel weak, feel tired, feel lost perhaps?
Not the man I am always supposed to be.
Not the man everyone, including myself, wants me to be.

It’s the stupid hour, on the edge of a dying night and the rebirth of the day.
The world filled with the softness of grey hues only.
Blessed are those who are granted with sleep right now...
For I am not.
Even though there’s nothing I’d love to do more right now.

Perhaps I’m just too tired.
We’ve been working really, really hard lately.
Sometimes too much even for ourselves.
New projects, new songs, new places to go and see, new places to tour to...
Because being good isn’t good enough.

I twirl one tabacco stick in my calloused fingers.
The contrast between it’s white smooth wrapping and my dark rough skin is somewhat ironical.
The hands of a musician.
Ugly hands.
With rough, hard skin, with endless blister.
Never have I imagined that my greatest gift would also be my greatest curse.
Just to touch anyone with such a hand seems like a desecration of some sort.

Smoke leaves my lips along with a sigh as I lean back on my comfortable chair.
Eyes transfixed on the watery trailes.
They seem endless, running faster and faster.
They laugh ironical at my stoic pose, as they seem to never stop, never hesitate in their run.

The air in my flat is getting damp.

I close my eyes.
A memory of a set of burning, haunting black orbs rises behind my heavy lids.

Has it been a week already?

Since we have last seen each other?
Since we have spent some time together?
A week, seven long days, have passed from that one day.
The one day on which I was called “Ue-chan” for the last time?
Have we drifted apart in such a short period....?

It’s sad in a way.
To realize how much you can miss a person, who sits calmly only inches away from you....

What did you say back then?

“Maybe I should have done something...but I think I’ve done enough”

Strange goodbye line... even for you.
A one that hurts, a one that cuts you stright down to the core.
Still, not as much as the suddenly dead gaze you gave me before finally turning away and walking through my door.
Walking away into the cold city night.
And what it seems now – away from me.

Maybe I should have said something...
But was never good with words.
I’m a listener, not a speaker.
Didn’t you know that...? You did.

And still you walked away.

Aoi came over today.
The moment he stepped through my door, I remebered how he would still sit here day after day...
When he stopped coming, I felt like something was missing.
And I expected him to sit in his favourite chair, facing the wall, just like he did all those previous times before.
But there was non of the distant look I was ready to find in his eyes.
There was a frown on his fair face and maybe the slightest trace of worry.
He sat on the sofa, facing me.
His eyes set on mine.
And we sat there in silence, only looking at each other, for God knows how long.
Time was lost around us.
As we kept silently asking, silently screaming answers, drinking everything and nothing we had to offer.
Silent words and yells that fell into the timless air between me and him.
Lingering there, waiting, begging to be voiced.

Then he stood up, almost as abruptly as he sat down.
Reality came back with the sounds of street and a roll of thunder.
He knelt next to me, his warm hands burning through the thick white jeans I was wearing.
His eyes so much alive all of the sudden, so vivid it started to hurt.

“Your words are fading” he said.

His voice wrapping around the silence like silk.
Four little words that left his lips, that left me feeling alone in one of the biggest cities on the planet.
Then he himself left, touching my cheek softly as a goodbye.

Left me alone.
Again.
Left me with his eyes imprinted in my mind, their depths haunting me even right now.
Left me to welcome the Spring storm, to welcome the dark clouds above my head, to welcome a sleepless night.

My hands shake.
Some ash has spilled, dirting the rough fabric.
The humming of the wind grows louder, the fall of the raindrops quickens it’s pace, it’s monotonous beat.
The sounds of rainfall deafening me.
Drowning me.
Leaving me breathless all of the sudden, even if I am still breathing.

I’m lost here, before the dawn, halfway to nowhere it seems, away from everyone.
Even if I’m only a few blocks away.
My world surrouneded by the grey torrent...

My phone flashes once.
And my eyes widen.

Your lights are on

Are they...?
I feel as I’m looking at my own flat for the very first time.
They are on.

Slowly I rise to my feet, my body suddenly heavy, unwilling to move.
I rest my head on the cool glass, eyes searching through the cascades of water.

Type the reply slowly, fingers numb as they push each button.
The words don’t even make sense anymore

You’re doing fine out there... old as the trees, young as the leaves, absorbing the essence of the rain.

No, they didn’t make any sense at all.

I watch your blurred figure.
You don’t belong there, on that silent lone street, drenched in the fresh rain.

Maybe I should have said something more.
Maybe I should....
...but didn’t I say enough?

It’s the break of a day. You must be busy... I’m wasting your time.

Busy...?
If you only knew.
I stare at the screen, biting my lip none too gently.
The skin there breaks, the familiar copper taste fills my mouth.

By the way my hands are shaking...
By the way my words are fading...

I’d rather waste my time with you.

My eyes close and I listen to the whispers of the rain.
Then I force them open again, you’re not there.
Only the street is as lonely and empty as it always is.

And I’m sheltered by the rain once again.
And my mind goes blank, almost... one question only, echoing in it’s darkest corners.

Didn’t I say it enough...
What ever you wanted it to be?