|
because the city's always more beautiful at night
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|08:04 pm] |
And here you are, mastering decadence and car accidents that keep on crashing deep in the back of your throat with the grinding of mechanical romance between organ and bone. Oh, sister! So sinister, so sorry to see the sea swallow us whole. You talk of sinking shops with metallic lust still on his lips, little heaven, you talk of saving us all with these biblical names you can’t even pronounce mixed in with mixed drinks and pronouns and this amounts to little more than little boys hanging in their closets with their religious hands in their pockets just aching for a little heaven. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|07:50 pm] |
Today, I was unproductive. Which I kind of expected. However, I did not expect my day to go as such: the sinking feeling of boredom that had me pacing around all day contemplating food, and how I want to be one of those skinny bitches like all of the other girls, then I ate, a PB & J. Then, I was reminded that all of those skinny girl bitches most likely either don't eat at all, or it's one of those lucky girls that are slobs, but manage to not gain weight. I then thought of boys. How they supposedly don't like skinny girls, and I think that's all shit. I thought of the boy I'm in love with. He'll be 19 in September. I am already planning his birthday gift, I will try to make it perfect. I thought of something, but decided it wasn't perfect enough. I then got on livejournal, put in Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley band, and listened to the song "White Shoes". I read a blog entry from my friend Sheila, she most recently moved to Omaha. She is a laid back person, who can take things as they come. She can live by necessity. I, on the other hand, live through wanting, yearning for material pocessions and pointless artifacts, and classy clothing. I wish I was like Sheila, I want her stability, I want to be like her. I want some of her qualities, I wish she could just give me a bit of her backbone, maybe some patience. The more I thought about it, and then him. And then about my unproductive day. I just got depressed. Now I sit here, exceedingly unhappy with all that has happened today, and even more so my life. I feel that as much as I am proud of certain things, I'd much rather be a different way, and I am ashamed of that. I should love myself, I usually do. I can want material things all I want, but wanting to change myself is just stupid.
What do you do to escape this mentality? Recommend music, movies? Things to do? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|07:33 pm] |
i never realized that maybe he loved me.
we were always just friends, just friends, in my mind
(but i am a much-too-subtle hinter, i suppose).
and now, for every inch i've gotten closer to someone else,
he's moved himself three feet away.
i hate it. i miss him.
and i hate that i'm missing him. |
|
|
| la mer |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|03:39 pm] |
does anyone have any fantasy/fairytale ideas for a story?
i need some sort of rough plot for one i'm writing
but as i usually write short stories which are mostly character based
i am rubbish at thinking up storylines
i want it to be a magical story
but not necessarily in another land
something similar to echo by francesca lia block
if anyone has any ideas that would be great
if i use it i'd definitely send you a little something to say thanks
a poem:
my eyes are shells of what they used to be
and they contain and control the sea.
if you listen up close you will hear it.
my eyelids are thin films of sunscreen
they rest on the skin in the rips of your jeans.
if you lay by my side you will smell it.
my eyebrows are crumbling castles
built from sand, crafted by rascals.
if you listen up close you will hear it.
my eyelashes are webs of time
with hairs the colour of red wine.
if you lay by my side you will smell it.
my tears are the scurf of the surf
a great sand-hungry tongue that scoops forth.
if you listen up close you will hear it.
my eyes are shells of what they used to be
and they contain and control the sea.
if you listen up close you will hear it.
if you lay by my side you will smell it.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|02:30 am] |
|
one day i'm going to write about you. about the way you slipped the spanish you learned in high school into your speech, the way you kissed my eyelids as i fell asleep, the way you carried me in your pocket, carried my heart when i said "please be fragile," how you kept me awake at night to tell me we were two completely fucked up people and how we were going to learn to be okay with that. the way you liked to report time in how many seconds it would take me to get to you. the way your cool fingers traced along my stomach, following a trail to my heart, which you broke months later. one day i'm going to write about you. and maybe i'll make you out to be someone every girl wishes she had, and maybe i'll make you out to be the biggest heartbreaker our century has ever seen, and maybe i'll keep weaving what we had into fiction until i get all of it messed up. i'm going to write about you one day. i don't know when, and i don't know how, but that day is gonna come |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|02:44 am] |
|
what do you like to do?
what are your interests?
who do you look up to?
what are your ambitions?
your hopes?
your dreams?
what do you love?
what do you hate?
what makes you happy?
who loves you?
who do you love?
what moves you?
and lastly, if you were stuck on an island, and you could only bring one thing with you, what would it be?
i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know i dontla id ont i dknow i knoda i dont know i dknot siknow i dinkt i dont know i dontk ow i dont know i dkont i dont iknow i dont know i dont know i dknot i dknaotaf;jda;
i just dont fucking know. i used to but it seems ive lost myself, i've never felt so alone in my life.
can you answer these questions?
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Miley Cyrus- Full Circle | ] |
I've been lying in bed for hours and just got up to realize it was only 1 am when I thought it was at least 4 or 5. Anybody up looking for a aim/msn/texting buddy? (: I'll be here for quite awhile, it seems.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|10:32 pm] |
Any recommendations for messageboards? Preferably a laid-back community with people who realize the greatness of conversation. Along the lines of graphics, general talk. Something that feels like a home. My share of MBs haven't been exactly peachy. Its usually the level of maturity/respect the people have for each other. I'm picky I suppose.
I'm in the need for a new environment of sorts~ Gracias. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|10:30 pm] |
we all want what we cant have.
what the fuck is wrong with this world? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|08:11 am] |
I've tried to make u feel better
I still got the same shit
I dont even have to ask why
Maybe it's over...
I'm not so special after all
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|02:52 pm] |
i hate you. i hate you so fucking much. or at least that's what i say. but really i think it's just fear. i'm frightened by you, feel threatened by you, i am inferior to you. i'm scared there's a place you held that i'll never be able to hold, i won't be able to fill it just right, the way that you did once. and it scares me, it really honestly does. i can never just be happy with what i have and how things are. hopefully the way i feel won't swoop down and fuck shit up like always. i want to break your fucking wings.
 |
|
|
| did you know? |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|02:32 pm] |
Did you know
even after your hands have bathed so in my heart's blood,
you cannot erase the smile
that I have smiled and will still smile
every time I hear your name or see your face?
Do you blame me?
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|11:55 am] |
|
i said, 'i was only ever to be a notch in your belt'.
he said, 'i was only ever to be a distraction from your heart'. i said, 'i never would have been the one for you.'
he said, 'fate had already set us apart'. we said, 'i love you in a hundred little ways. just not the forever kind'.
and we knew, we always knew. |
|
|
| The rose. |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|06:46 pm] |
|
Some say love, it is a river That drowns the tender reed Some say love, it is a razor That leaves your soul to bleed Some say love, it is a hunger An endless aching need I say love, it is a flower And you, its only seed
It's the heart, afraid of breaking That never learns to dance It's the dream, afraid of waking That never takes the chance It's the one who won't be taken Who cannot seem to give And the soul, afraid of dying That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely And the road has been too long And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter Far beneath the bitter snow Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring Becomes the rose |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|12:36 am] |
the second you got a chance to leave, you ran. and i'm tired of chasing.
yet, i will continue because i can't help but think that if i ever catch up to you, it would all be worth the trouble.
but you were always quicker than i, so i'm letting this hope wither and die. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|12:15 pm] |
|
I love the witty banter and youth in The History Boys, by Alan Bennett. Do you have some suggestions for books/plays I may enjoy? Thanks! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2009|02:43 am] |
for Slaven
-- the love of my life.
pictures were taken in Kerala, India.
 they all stand in line whispering please take me please choose me please I am the most beautiful one -- the clouds cry the task is too difficult but choices need to be made and not everyone can be picked.  The green wants to be one with the leaves of a palm tree -- the blue wants to be one with the sky -- and the leaves want the green -- and the sky wants the blue -- but who wants me you ask?  they say I am lonely because I don't have neighbors but the loneliest are the ones who have neighbors but don't know their names. ( I am alone again ) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|03:16 pm] |
i really should have invested in a bottle of 5HTP when i had the chance.
i absolutely love rolling, but sometimes, i fucking hate rolling. the other night was great, i was w/ a few of my very good friends but i've since realized they weren't the best crowd for me w/ that occasion. either way, the beans were epic, which means i'm still feeling the shitty after effects. i need ganja. and 5HTP. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhasjdfhkajsgdfhkgkajh |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't ever fucking question that - Atmosphere | ] |
"Men are rats! Worse then that! They’re fleas on rats! Worse then that! They’re amoebas on fleas on rats. They’re too low for even the dogs to bite. The only man a girl can trust is her daddy." - Frenchy, Grease
Sometimes, not even him.
My father really lets me down sometimes. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|10:17 pm] |
|
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE
WAS FREAKING AMAZING.
I can't even think coherent thoughts right now.
It's so much better than the last one which was huge let-down, if you ask me.
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
2amtomorning