Sweet Valley Kids #18: Bossy Steven
Sweet Valley Kids #18: Bossy Steven
I never read the Sweet Valley Kids series. I was too lofty for them, even when I was young. This is my first, I think.
I feel badly for the kids listed as “Readers of the Month” in these. This month it's two girls named Elizabeth and Jessica Dye from Pennsylvania. See? They share names with the twins. I bet they thought this was awesome at the time. Now, probably not so much because now the world can see their very unfortunate haircuts.
That photo isn't very clear so I won't comment on the twins' jeans. But I do wonder why Steven is not taller than the twins. Isn't he like three years older than them? As a height-challenged person myself, I'm not fond of commenting on people's sizes but, um, Ned and Alice might want to take him to a doctor.
It's “science day” at Sweet Valley Elementary. Wow, they only have science one day out of the year? Sweet Valley starts the academic achievement bar low. Elizabeth is excited; Jessica is not. Liz was a dork early on it seems.
Steven has a project at the science fair; it's a volcano. You know the one. TV and books would have me believe everyone makes one of those volcanoes at some point in their lives. Jessica has bet him that he won't win the science fair. If Steven does win, then both twins have to do his chores for a week. If he loses, he has to do theirs. While Steven demonstrates the volcano, Jessica tells Liz to cross her fingers that “they” win. Liz is scandalized—but that would mean Steven loses. Liz clearly didn't think this out. But, of course, Steven's “Miracle Volcano” (really? That's the title?) does win.
As they leave, Steven tells the twins he hasn't cleaned his room in a week in preparation for them having to do his work. Jessica thinks this is unfair and appeals to her parents to get out of the deal. I don't think my parents would approve of this bet, but Ned and Alice say a deal is a deal because they're terrible parents.
At dinner, Steven makes Liz set the table and fetch him ketchup, salt and pepper. He reminds them that they have to do the dishes and clean his room. We're not long into this book and I'm already wondering why Ned and Alice don't tell him to stop being a little shit.
The next day, Jessica complains about her horrible fate to Lila, Eva, Ellen and Amy on the playground. Lila says she would never clean someone else's room. Jessica scoffs that Lila doesn't even clean her own room. We are once again reminded of how rich Lila is. Jessica wants to get out of the bet. Liz, like the goody-goody she is, says it's only fair. Shut up, Liz. Eva suggests that Jessica bet Steven something else to get out of the cleaning bet.
Steven shows up and tells them he promised Ned he would help him clean the garage today so the twins have to do that now. Jessica says she doesn't want to go all the way home because she's playing with her friends. (How old are they? Should they really be left alone to play? Even in a normal world, let a lone the crazy-filled world of Sweet Valley?) Anyway, Liz agrees to go clean the garage alone so Jessica can stay and play. The doormat syndrome manifested early, I see.
While Liz cleans with Ned, he talks about how he used to go fishing with his dad and his mother would make lemonade and cookies. We are reminded that Ned's birthday is coming up. Liz has an idea for a present. I wonder what it could be!
Liz runs and tells Jessica they should make their father a cake for his birthday. Wait. What? Wasn't he talking about cookies? Pay attention, Liz! Focus! At the bunny! Anyway, the twins get all excited and Jessica says she's going to bet Steven that the twins can come up with a better present for Ned, to get out of the the cleaning bet. But then they see Steven hovering. Did he hear their crappy plan?! Oh noes!
On Sunday, the girls look at cake recipes, but Steven continues to spy on them.
Monday, Alice reminds the girls that Wednesday is their father's birthday. Wait a tic! If the bet started on Friday and goes for a week, it would be stupid to make a new bet on Wednesday, just as they were about to be finished. Steven announces he's going to bake Ned a cake. Liz is furious. He was spying. Further, he's going to make Jess and Liz bake it for him. The twins complain that is not fair, etc, etc. Alice says giving Ned a present isn't a chore and Steven can't make the twins do it.
Here's what I would do: make a really yucky cake, with like lots of baking soda and maybe fish and old cheese, then say, “Steven made this just for you, Dad!” and then make him eat it.
While the girls are looking at recipes, Todd comes up. He tells them his favorite cake marble cake with “confetti” frosting. Thanks, Todd, but it's not your birthday. Steven comes over (doesn't he go to a different school?) and announces that his cake will be better. He's adding “special” ingredients. Please say fish and old cheese! So they bet that if the twins' cake is better, then the bet is off. But... if Steven's is better he doesn't get anything extra? I don't see what's in this for him.
Todd tells Liz he's sure she'll make a better cake. Stop sucking up, Todd. She's not going to sleep with you even after she goes through puberty.
On Wednesday, the “bake-off” begins. Alice tells them she has heated the oven for them and will be in the other room. Bye! Way to leave the squabbling young kids around hot appliances, Alice. The kids make a mess because they are unsupervised. Then they hear someone coming.
It's only Todd. He says he'll help the twins clean up after they're done. Seriously, Todd, go home.
Steven announces that he's cooking his cake in the “microwave oven.” Jessica wails that his will be done before theirs. None of them seem to know you can't cook a cake in the microwave. I knew that when I was their age, I think. Steven leaves his cake unattended (quick put the fish and old cheese in!) and lets Todd and the twins clean up. Why are you still here, Todd? I told you to go home. You're not getting any action.
Predictably, that night Steven's cake is gross. Even Steven can't eat it. His secret ingredients were peanut butter and marshmallows. Lame. I think we all know what mine would've been. The twins bring out their cake, which is “beautiful.” And they make Steven apologize for being bossy before he can have any.
I think the moral of this story is that even if they're younger, girls are better at baking than boys. So stop trying to have careers, ladies, and get back into the kitchen!
Then Ned announces that for his birthday he's taking the whole family on a fishing trip. Steven and Liz are excited. Jessica is not. Find out what happens in #19: Jessica and the Jumbo Fish.
And now! Added bonus! Photos!
Readers of the Month. I'm not gonna front, my hair kinda looked like that back in the day.
The twins make their bet with Steven, while Todd checks out Liz's ass.
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