The cover I have is one of those modern ones, so I thought we could have a snark at the older ones instead. We have both twins, which, for all Sweet Valley hardcore fans must be a dream come true :-)! Not sure which one is which as they both have their hair down, but I'm gonna go with the one in purple pajamas as being Jessica, as not only does she have purple pajamas but she is peering round the stairs, which, as being the bold twin sounds more like her. Nothing much to snark at Jess wise, so moving onto Elizabeth...well, fetch me a harpoon I got me a whale! Where do I start? Liz is wearing what looks like my  Nan's oldest nightgown, with ankle socks :-s, I know it's only night gear but I'm surprised Jess is standing that close, without wearing dark shades and a paper bag on her head. There is a multitude of presents under the tree, and both twins look a lil' shell shocked. I don't think this scene actually features in the book anywhere, meh, but thank you, artist, for Elizabeth's choice of nightgown. By the way, one recapper (I'm sorry, my memory has deserted me so I don't know who it was) told me there was a cover for this book with grown up Jess & Liz on the front...but I couldn't find it anywhere and I did look :-( If anyone has this cover, please post it up. Or something ~begs~.

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.......just thought I'd set the scene a little for yet another Christmas in the world of Sweet Valley, where blond, blue eyed, graceful bodied twins stay twelve eternally :-)!

We start this book off with none other but the Unicorns. They are holding a meeting to discuss, what else, Christmas clothing. I often wonder just how long I'd be able to stay awake if I was to attend a meeting, my bet is about a minute!! Janet is telling them they have to be fashionable for the party that she is throwing with her brother, Joe - then she announces that the party will have HIGH SCHOOL BOYS there! Wowsies!! The Unicorns are understandably impressed, and start squealing, with joy I presume, and not in a pig like manner at all. She then proceeds to point out Jessica's outfit (a purple T-shirt with a Unicorn on, and blue jeans) as a fashion disaster, much to Jessica's embarrassment. Mandy tells Jess that Janet is only jealous of how pretty Jessica is (blatant lesbianism) but Jessica is not soothed! She determines that, for the party, she will be the most fashionable sixth grader there. Then a thought hits her, ELIZABETH! Oh noes, Liz isn't exactly, erm, trendy. Jessica determines to 'do' her sister up as well. I'm sure Lizzie will be thrilled!

At home, Jessica tells Liz they have to be fashionable for the party. Liz at first isn't too enthralled - "but I have my navy blue party dress with the bow, Jessica", but she actually comes round to the idea (another Elizabeth personality crisis?) and Jessica says she will go shopping at the Valley Mall for both of them and she what she can find.

There is a carnival in town (as in every Christmas I presume, but minus the evil ghost this year, perhaps) and the Unicorns are going, which Jessica is secretly glad about as she was worried they would consider her babyish for wanting to go. Liz is likewise going with Amy and Maria. At the Carnival, they bump into Steven, who in this book is a total jerk off through most of it and is embarrassed his baby sisters are talking to him. Meh! The twins get some roasted chestnuts from a small man who Jessica thinks looks like an elf, and he wishes them a Merry Christmas.

The next day, Jessica goes hunting for clothes for her and Elizabeth. There is nothing :-(! In Kendalls, the children's department supervisor suggests she try the Junior Adult section, but none of the clothes fit, even though they are the right style. Jessica is seriously annoyed, and is wandering through the mall when she sees a sign offering a free makeover, and a stall next to it. A woman is being made-over, and as Jessica watches she decides to try it herself. The woman running the stall, however, thinks differently, and tells her to 'run along, little girl'. Grr, as Jessica walks away she is one very unhappy bunny indeed!!!!!!!

Elizabeth has decided to go Christmas shopping. She decides to get Amy a book, and goes to the bookstore where she buys all her damned Amanda Howard mysteries. Liz doesn't think Amy will like any of the books that the clerk suggests, until she sees a horse book that has illustrations and she thinks Amy will love it. The woman wraps it up and Elizabeth feels very grown up....until she is told the price is $67! Bloody hell that's expensive tastes! Elizabeth ashamedly confesses she doesn't have that sort of money; she never realised the book was so expensive. As she walks out she hears the saleswoman say that this is why she doesn't like Christmas, as parents let their kids out alone and get in the way of people trying to do real shopping. You gotta think though, surely she would notice Liz is only a kid, and would tell her the price beforehand! Liz is mortified, and sits down on a curb and cries.....much to the disgust of Steven, who is walking along with his mates. He is nasty to her and walks off, and she shouts after him, "and a very Merry Christmas to you too".

When she gets home, the twins have a crisis meeting. They are both fed up of being treated like little kids, when they are invited to a party with HIGH SCHOOL BOYS! Jessica thinks she sympathises with Steven as Liz crying on a curb is a bit babyish, but she doesn't say anything. Lila then rings up, and says she is going shopping tomorrow in LA and would Jess like to go? Jess agrees, as she thinks that whilst Lila is at the expensive shops, she can go to the budget department stores. Liz tearfully (again - twice now she has cried arghh) agrees.

Jessica comes back the next day with a whole bagload of clothes. She got them from a garage sale on the way home, as there was nothing in the shops. A old lady was selling loads of homemade party clothes, such as sequinned blouses, rhinestone jeans etc. The twins are ecstatic, even though it sounds all a bit gaudy to me. Plain and simple black, always best -)! They pick out the clothes they want to wear to Janet's party and all is happy until...........

Mr Wakefield and Steven are in the supermarket. Mr Wakefield is all excited about trimming the tree and all the other Wakefield Christmas traditions, but Steven, who is w-a-a-a-a-y too old and mature for this now, is embarrassed. He has gone with his dad not to hurt his feelings but he is feeling very grumpy, and when they bump into Mr Howell he sees the perfect opportunity to stop the twins from attending the party and so embarrassing him in front of his mates and the girl he likes (god know which one this time, I've lost count). Mr Howell is shopping for the party that evening (bit late ain't it?), and he mentions to Ned that HIGH SCHOOL BOYS will be there. Oh Noes, Shock Shock Horror!!!!! Mr Wakefield is not impressed as neither of the twins had told him, and, even though it's a chaperoned party, he asks Steven how many HIGH SCHOOL BOYS will be going. Steven, the big knobend, tells him that there will be at least a hundred. Cos they would all definitely fit in the house, correct!! Ned is not a happy boy, and marches Stevie boy home at top speed to consult with Alice. Responsible parenting, you guys? Never!

The parents tell the girls they can't go; Steven is allowed because he's OLDER!! Yeah, but nowhere near as mature it seems. Liz is so upset she cries, and shouts at her parents. See what I mean about the personality crisis. Both girls are sent to their rooms. Steven the git, goes to the party, even though Ned tells him he has to be home by eleven. Go Ned!

Jessica comes up with a plan to go to the party anyway; they will wear ordinary clothes over their party clothes and tell their parents they are going to the carnival. Yeah, like that'd work in a month of Sundays! Guess what, it doesn't! Their parents decide they can have a 'happy family evening' and all go, much to the twin's disgust!

When they get to the carnival, the parents are being all over each other;; holding hands and kissing. Gross. They go on the tunnel of love (ugh) and the twins go round the carnival by themselves. Some happy sodding family evening. They go to buy some more chestnuts, and the elf tells them to make a wish in the wishing well he also runs. The see a flash of light as they both wish to be BIG for Christmas.....

Meanwhile, at the party, Steven is thinking maybe he has made a big mistake. Everyone is asking where the twins are, and seem disappointed they aren't there. Maybe they're not so immature after all, Steven. Except Elizabeth. Possibly. He decides to go home early, and if they're still up to watch a movie with them. Gee, that'll make them feel better! Obviously, they are at the carnival, so he goes to bed.

The twins and their embarrassing lovelorn parents get home and go to bed also.

Here's where things start to get interesting..........

The next morning, Elizabeth wakes up. She is sweating and her nightgown is really tight around her neck. She gets out of bed and stretches, and the arms of the gown rip. What the fuck! She looks down and sees her nightgown is hanging above her knees, whereas last night it was floor length. Hmm, very strange! Elizabeth has a sneaking suspicion something is wrong. No, really?? But, being Elizabeth, she thinks she is just half asleep, and goes into the bathroom. in the mirror she sees a blond haired, pacific-blue eyed woman looking back at her........errr.........Liz thinks she has an imposter in the bathroom (yeah, hiding behind the shower curtain so you wouldn't notice dear). She screams and runs back into her room, just as Jessica comes into the bathroom.

Jessica has also woken up feeling a little, umm, odd. Her pajamas are a tad short, shall we say. She goes into the bathroom, as above, it time to see a blond haired, pacific-eyed woman rush into Liz's bedroom. Oh Noes!! Jessica thinks there is a burglar in Elizabeth's room, but she does note the woman looked 'oddly familiar'. Could it be she looks like you, Jessica....find out in the next book, SVT: Lookalikes Anonymous!!! Anyway, Liz is wondering who this person is, so she peeks back into the bathroom (smart move, honest) to see her peering into the mirror. The woman turns round, and both twins realise who the mysterious woman is....it's them!!! Oh Noes....or maybe Oh Yessies!!! The twins are GROWN UPS!! BIG for Christmas indeed!! It must have been that carnival wish.....

Now, if this was me, I would be seriously disturbed. But nope, not them. Mrs W knocks on the bathroom door asking who screamed, and obviously they can't let her in, as they are BIG now. Jess makes up some story and they fob her off. She is probably more than used to Jessica's stories by now, so does her responsible parenting bit by going without finding out if anyone was really hurt. I mean, this is Jessica, she may have flipped and killed Steven, for example.

Jessica decides they need to leave the house and therefore need some clothes. Liz suggests the big tracksuits they have, but, woe and betide, these are too small. There's only one thing for it - raid Alice's closet. Jessica is thrilled, this is the opportunity she has been waiting for for years! What, to raid your mum's clothes?? Ok, then!! Jess sneaks along the hallway, having a close shave along the way with Ned (but escapes being seen by hiding behind a closet door) and steals a black jumpsuit and a conservative suit for Elizabeth. Why on earth does Alice have a black jumpsuit? Is she secretly Catwoman? Jessica notices 'with a thrill' that she is slightly taller than her mom. Creepy or what. Jess also takes some high heels and some pumps for Liz. I'm not sure what's more worrying;  Alice owning this stuff or Jessica thinking people wander around dressed like that in the daytime. Jessica goes to go back to her room but bumps into Steven. He tries to block her way but Jessica barges past him saying, "very mature, Steven". Hmm, is that voice familiar, Stevie boy? Steven doesn't recognise her because he is thick and the twins quickly get dressed and shinny down the drain to escape the house. Seriously.

The twins get away from the house very quickly and then sit on a bench to discuss their next move. Jessica says she is hungry, and they should get some food. Yep, forget the immediate future Jess, it's your tummy you think about. Hmm!! So Jessica's big idea is to go and get some donuts, as she can smell them from the donut place just up the road. Sensible Lizzie points out they have no money but Jessica, like a hound after a scent, is off!

When they get there, the boss is striding up and down demanding to know where one of his drivers is. One of the other delivery men says he isn't coming in, and the boss pitches a fit because his Christmas donuts won't be delivered. If you're wondering where all this is heading, it is the perfect cue for Jessica to jump in and offer her and Liz's services at delivery driving. Errrrrrr, right! The boss lets them, cos he is a fool because he is so worried about losing custom. He does ask for their proof of ID and driver's licenses, but Jess fobs him off. She then says that she has heard that his donuts aren't top quality, and maybe they should test them before they deliver them, in case they get some complaints. Well, the world's most gullible shop owner totally 100% falls for it, and starts boasting his donuts are top quality, and here, try two of each six brands each to test them. Donuts for breakfast, yuck. But Jessica doesn't agree with me; she starts munching away, and honest Lizzie too! Ho hum! When they've eaten enough, they take the truck and drive off to 'deliver donuts'. Because this book is so believable, can't you tell!!

Problem is, neither twin has obviously never driven before. I could see that would be an issue, especially with Jessica at the wheel, but they try it anyway. Liz tries to help Jess by screaming, "brake", "accelerate", "change gear", (she sounds like such a wannabe backseat driver; I'd kill her) and eventually they leave the yard (I can only presume the boss wasn't looking).

They are managing to drive along the road (just) with Liz directing, when she tells Jess she has missed a turn. Jessica swerves and.....HITS ANOTHER CAR! Criminals at age twelve! Oh Noes, what will big-shot Lawyer Ned say! The police arrive, and the twins make a run for it.

Meanwhile, at Casa Wakefield, the twins disappearance has caused the police to be called. Hmm, this sounds very un-Ned and Alice like. Responsibility!! Alice is distraught, as Steven has told her about the mystery woman who barged into him in the hallway, and Steven still thinks she sounded familiar, although can't place her cos he is thick! The police suggest the girls have ran away, and Alice and Ned start blaming themselves because the twins were so unhappy about missing Janet's party. Steven also feels really guilty, as it was mainly his fault they couldn't go, and determines to go and find them, or the mystery woman, in case she has kidnapped them (because you'd be able to do that in a full house in the morning with nobody noticing). Alice, for once, doesn't start maniacally cleaning, but sits and shouts at the police that the twins would never run away as, "she [Elizabeth] has made her bed since she was five". That sounds like Liz, yep! The police leave and Steven and Ned go searching.

Steven goes along the main street, and thinks he sees the mystery woman walking nonchalantly walking along the street. This is Elizabeth. The twins agreed to split up, to make them harder to trace, and are going to meet at a park as soon as possible. Liz is walking to avoid drawing suspicion to herself. Anyway, Steven loses sight of her, and then he sees her again, wearing a black jumpsuit, running along a different street. Before he knows it, a hand claps itself over his mouth, and tells him not to scream. He turns round, and there are two mystery woman. Because he is an idiot, he hasn't yet cottoned on, and thinks he is day dreaming or something. The he hears a familiar voice saying, "that's enough, Jess, put him out of his misery". The twins spill all, and, to give him credit, he doesn't bolt for home, but offers to give them all his pocket money (bless) so they can get some food. He also agrees to move some stuff into the garage for them, so they have somewhere to sleep, and to keep it secret from their parents.

When Steven returns home, he has to lie and say he hasn't seen anything. Alice is all upset and Steven feels bad. He rings up Joe Howell to ask him to cherry knock on the front door so he can distract his parents from seeing him moving bedding and stuff into the garage. Joe does this without question, though I think I would. Surely he must know the twins are missing; does he not think Steven is a complete heartless twat to be pranking his parents when their daughters are missing? Anyway, Steven moves everything to the garage, taking him three trips, and then awaits the twins' arrival after dark.

The twins' have gone to a cafe with Steven's pocket money. In true Elizabeth-and-Jessica-differences style, Jessica orders half the dessert menu and a shake, whereas Liz has a salad and a root beer. Yawn Liz you are so boring. Jess is bubbling over about how cool it is to be BIG, and Liz is feeling sad but pretending not to be (as usual).

At dusk, they sneak into the garage. Liz sees the lights from the house and feels lonesome, especially when she sees her parents go into her and Jessica's rooms and turn the lights on, as if hoping the twins would be there. Pulling. My. Heartstrings. Now.! Or not. But she doesn't wanna ruin Jessica's mood so she stays silent (again).

The next day, Liz decides they have to find jobs, so they can get some proper money, as Steven's allowance isn't going to get them very far. She signs them up with an agency, and they find jobs straight away. Because an agency will take you on with no ID, references and/or experience, sure! Jessica goes to work as an admin temp at a fashion store, and Liz is a receptionist at a publishing house. Perfect, or so it would seem.

Jessica gets a bus to her work. On the way, she gets chatting to a guy, and makes up some crazy story to impress him, saying she is a model but her limo has broken down and therefore she is getting the bus. They get off at the same stop, and he enters the building with her, just as her new boss swoops down on her and orders her to get on with some filing. He is a photographer for the company and Jessica is mortified!!

Liz can't handle the phones at her new place of work. She thinks everyone is seriously lacking in some old Christmas spirit, as everyone is grumpy cos she doesn't know how to use a switchboard, or who everyone is, so she keeps messing up. Welcome to the world of work, Elizabeth!

The twins meet up for lunch and compare. Both agree that being an adult sure isn't all it's cracked up to be (it sure isn't, believe me), but then have to go back to their jobs.

Here's where things spiral out of any normal reality....

Jessica is hopeless at filing and so her supervisor sets her to binding documents together. Man, that job's boring. I was an Admin Assistant for five months and I hope to never, ever see a binding machine again!! Jessica, likewise, hates it. She starts doodling fashion ideas on a piece of paper instead, and when her boss comes in and chews her out for not getting the work done ready for an important fashion meeting, the cute guy who she lied to on the bus comes in and sees her designs. He says they have 'flair' (even though, as far as we know, Jessica has never shown any artistic talents whatsoever, at least not in SVT) and invites her up to the meeting as a consultant. Yeah, right. In fact, let me say that in CAPITALS! YEAH RIGHT

Elizabeth, meanwhile, has been asked to go and take the minutes for an important publishing meeting. Apparently the bookstore needs a new series targeting twelve year old girls and upwards, and they don't know what to write about (I though authors write books, not stores). Anyway, they pick and reject several ideas, including mysteries (Amanda Howard already has the take on that), horses and horror but they can't think of anything. Elizabeth, who has been bursting with eager amateur journalism skills and wishing she was participating in the meeting instead of just taking the minutes, can't restrain herself any longer! She suggests a series based around two twelve year old twins, and their normal (normal?) everyday lives and 'adventures'. The book store loves it, and promote Elizabeth to senior ideas person. Ghostwriter, couldn't you come up with a more original idea? Lolz!

When the twins meet up after work for dinner at the cafe again (Jessica again has desserts and Liz has something boring like pasta) they are both ecstatic about their days. Jessica has been promoted to head fashion consultant, as she understands what kind of clothes twelve year olds want to wear these days, and the cute guy has asked her out for a date. Woo. I can foresee problems as the twins are still emotionally twelve, but there ya go!!

They meet up with Steven and tell him all about their day. He was going to try to persuade them to find a way of reverting back to twelve by going back to the carnival and making another wish, but, seeing how excited they are, he doesn't, as he feels that the reason they were so miserable at twelve is because of him and so why would they want to return.

Steven goes back to the Wakefield's sunny Spanish tiled house in time to hear Ned saying he will have to cancel the meeting with his biggest client, as the twins are still missing in action. Steven is like, "noooo", as he knows this client is very important to the firm's business, and tries to persuade his dad not to. Ned susses out that Steven knows something, and when Steven won't tell he grounds him. Botheration!!

Steven has to sneak back out to meet the twins. On the way home, he and Jessica plan what they are going to do when she is rich and famous, like they will buy a car and she can teach Steven how to drive (might need to learn yourself yet Jess) as he will be allowed to drive with an adult when he is 16. I'm not sure about America's driving laws so I'm going to assume this is correct. Lizzie isn't joining in; she has a heavy heart about leaving her childhood behind (don't worry Liz, you grow up as boring as you are at twelve) and she suddenly sees Amy & Maria carol singing. Why are they carol singing when their best friend is missing. Caroline Pearce lives down the street from the Wakefields, the news must be out by now! Without thinking, she goes up and speaks to them. Amy doesn't recognise her (c'mon, these guys must be thick) and is quite scared (even though Steven is with them so she really must be an idiot). Elizabeth is left in tears as they walk home. Err, is that three times she's cried now, or four?

Back home in the garage, Liz pretends to be happy about everything because she doesn't want to ruin Jessica's excitement. Jessica is doing the same; she isn't overly sure about never going to the mall with the Unicorns again, never bitching with Lila, never going to school again (believe me Jess you will need some further education methinks at some point), never seeing their parents again......Eventually, after much stumbling over each other and further sniffles from Elizabeth, they decide to try to make a wish to back to twelve. Now you see, I don't know if I would. They both have their dream jobs, the Wakefield parents would come round to have adult twin daughters eventually and life would be rosy. But this is Sweet Valley, I suppose, and if they hadn't reverted back, we wouldn't have SVH to snark at. Also, I suppose TBT would have been a bit young for our Liz!

The three of them catch a bus to the carnival grounds. Steven goes as he feels responsible for his, erm, younger/BIGger sisters, even though he is grounded, he is self-sacrificing that way. When they get there, the carnival has gone!!!!!!!!Oh Noes!!!!! The bus driver tells them the carnival has moved into another town twenty miles away, but he doubts if it will be open now. Shock shock!!Horror horror!!! They go anyway (with Steven's riches).

When they get there the carnival is closed, except the main gate is slightly ajar. For some reason they go in anyway, as you do, and hunt around for the elfin looking man selling chestnuts.  Against all natural laws of reality, they find him. He tells them the carnival is closed, but when they tell him they are having a horrible Christmas, he smiles and says, "why didn't you say so before". Umm, because you didn't ask, maybe!

The only coin Steven has got left is a penny. All three kids hold an edge and the twins wish to be twelve again, and Steven wishes for them to be twelve again. They're not sure it will work as it's three to a coin, but it's their only hope. They all wish, and drop the coin. There is a flash of light and.....the carnival is suddenly open. The elfin man has disappeared, however. Unfortunately, the twins are still BIG. Bollocks!! Unhappy, they make their way back to the bus stop.

On the bus back, the twins fall asleep together on the back seat. Steven is trying to figure out how to break the news to their parents when they get to their stop. Steven calls the twins to wake up, and two blond tousled, twelve year old heads pop up. Yay the wish worked!! The twins are twelve again!! All three are really happy, and they make their way home to find Ned on the doorstep, looking dishevelled in yesterdays clothes. He sees them and rushes them all into a big hug, saying he doesn't want an explanation of where they have been (probably because he didn't really care, he was paid by the ghostwriters to act that way :-p), but as punishment they are grounded over Christmas so they can have some quality family time together.

The End - I'm off to be sick now after that grossly sweet happy ending!!