Sweet Valley High #12: When Love Dies

In which we discover "what terrible secret Tricia is keeping from Steven." Secret boyfriend? Bad hair day? Actually a lesbian? With a title like When Love Dies, Tricia's secret could be anything!

(Note: I'd forgotten how terrible this book truly is. Like a lot of the early books, it's a showcase for Jessica's manipulative, petty behavior, but also getting in on the action this time is Steven, who emerges looking like a bigger jerk than 95% of the bad boys Jess ever dated. Good times!)

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Enter Jessica. The narrator informs us that "tempestuous Jessica seemed to attract trouble the way a magnet draws metal shavings," but hastens to assure us that Jessica cares. Specifically, she cares about Steven, who is currently moping like it's going out of style. His hair is uncombed and he's got a two-day growth of beard, so the situation must be serious.

With delicately shaded foreshadowing, Jessica asks Steven: "What's wrong? You look like your best friend just died."

He denies that anything is wrong, but she quickly pins it down: his Grade A mope has to be care of Tricia Martin, Girlfriend from the Wrong Side of the Tracks extraordinaire. Jessica hates that Steven is angsting over his stupid white trash girlfriend. Hates! While "angrily" unpeeling a banana (feel the force of her rage!), she helpfully points out that, while he's moping around at home, Tricia is probably out whoring it up with, like, ten other guys.

Steven starts crying, and flees.

Enter Elizabeth, giving the narrator an opportunity to point out how skankily Jess is dressed by comparison.

Jess immediately launches into a tirade about how much of a jerk Steven is for dating Tricia in the first place, given how embarrassing it is for a Wakefield to have been seen with a Martin in public. Also kind of jerky: Tricia, for not hating her family as much as Jess does. Oh, and Steven again, because one time Jess called Tricia a whore and Steven got mad at her for it. Liz sticks up for Tricia for a bit, but eventually thinks, well, yeah, Tricia is kind of a jerk, because if Jess says it, it must be true.

Fresh off her Tricia-bashing victory, Jess guilt trips Liz into loaning her some shoes for a date, which reminds Liz about how awesome Jessica is.

Later, Steven pops by while Liz and Jess are getting ready for their respective dates with Todd and Aaron Dallas. Jess takes the opportunity to suggest that Steven is taking Tricia for granted, that Tricia is taking Steven for granted, and that Tricia is a whore, in that order. Steven protests, but Jess expertly manipulates him into thinking that, hey, maybe Tricia is a whore. So, depending on whom you ask, Tricia is currently a jerk (Liz), a whore (Steven), or a big jerky whoring whore (Jess). Current score: Jess 2 – Tricia 0.

Steven decides he's going to settle this once and for all, tonight (because that's not menacing at all). He drives out to Tricia's house, reflecting en route about how awesome it is to live on the right side of the tracks, far, far from Tricia's shabby house in her crappy neighborhood. When he gets there, her dad is drunk, as expressed not only by his alcohol breath and slurred words, but also by his clothing choices (dirty!) and TV-watching habits (he watches it!). Tricia herself looks pale and tired, and is in the process of packing a suitcase, all of which totally merits the jerky treatment she immediately gets from Steven. She (understandably) interprets his ranting to mean that he's breaking up with her, which provokes more ranting, multiple guilt trips, and manhandling. When she just passively lets him get his rant on, Steven somehow reaches the conclusion that Jess was right after all, and Tricia really is a big ol' whoring whore. "I feel like part of me is dying," he declares. Tricia tactfully refrains from replying, "Really? Me too."

Steven storms out, leaving Tricia to tearfully reflect on how much it sucks to be – shocker! – dying a slow, tragic death via leukemia. Better he thinks she's a big ol' whoring whore than to have his heart broken watching her die, surely. Particularly given that her father became an alcoholic only after watching her mother die of the same disease. Whoops! Wouldn't Steven feel like a jerk for thinking all those mean things about Mr. Martin now?

(Spoiler: nope! At least, not in this book.)

Jessica's best friend Cara has a huge crush on Steven. On the bus ride home the next day, she demands Jess give her the scoop on Steven and Tricia's break-up. Jessica thinks (and this is all a direct quote):

Anything she told Cara was sure to be spread over the entire campus by the next day. This was Jessica's chance to make sure Steven didn't change his mind and go back to that creepy Tricia. Besides, she knew Cara had a personal interest in Steven. She'd always had sort of a crush on him. Maybe that would come in handy, too.

Jessica Wakefield, ladies and gentlemen.

For about a minute, Jess schemes to set Cara up with Steven. Then Cara drops a tidbit about a hunky actor-type being laid up in the hospital, and Jess immediately forgets that Cara and Steven exist. After all, a hunky-actor type is sick. (Oh, the humanity.) But before Jess can completely move on, Cara drops another tidbit: the Morrow family has moved to town. Given that Tricia and Regina's stays in Sweet Valley apparently overlap, you'd think Tricia could've given Regina a few tips on how much it sucks to die tragically, but alas, Regina won't find that out for another twenty-eight books.

Having now completely forgotten about Cara and Steven, Jess announces to Liz that she wants to become a candy striper at Hunky Actor's hospital. When Liz calls her on it, Jess defends herself by pointing out how much she loved Love Story. "Oh, yeah," Liz thinks. "I remember how hilarious it was when Jess thought faking terminal illness was a good way to pick up guys." Once again, Liz is reminded how awesome Jess is, and she agrees to volunteer at the hospital with her.

The next day, Liz and Jess arrive at the hospital. Both are reminded of unpleasant events. "Gee, it sucked when I was in a coma that one time," Liz thinks. "Gee, it sucked when I had to cop to driving an unpopular girl to suicide," Jess thinks.

Much to Jessica's dismay, she's assigned to the maternity ward, where she's forced to spend the day making nice with ugly babies. To add insult to injury, she finds out that Liz has met Hunky Actor, and even hit it off with him. She runs off to find Hunky Actor's hospital room (where she manages to stab him in his good leg with Liz's pen), leaving Liz on her own – which is, just coincidentally, when Liz runs into Creepy Carl, who'll wind up kidnapping her one book over. She also runs into Tricia, who looks absolutely terrible. Liz, sweet, caring, straight-A student that she is, can't imagine why Tricia would be in a hospital looking like death warmed over – unless Tricia is whoring it up with one of the hospital interns.

Having rather disastrously struck out with Hunky Actor, Jessica's attention returns to Cara and Steven. She tells Steven that Cara is throwing a party that very night, and he should go – after all, that whoring whore Tricia isn't sitting around at home, or so Jess has heard. If Steven wants to know more than that, he'll have to ask gossipmonger Cara directly. Success! Steven is in. Only, there isn't actually a party at Cara's place, so Jess informs Cara that she's going to have to come up with something in a hurry if she doesn't want to look like a complete moron. Understandably, Cara is a little peeved, but Jess smoothes things over as only she can – by telling Cara to just dress like a skank and let Steven's machismo do the rest.

Instead, Steven takes one look at skanked-up Cara and immediately starts having angry thoughts about Tricia, and how he still loves her, even if she is a whoring whore who, in his mind's eye, at least, has been tooling around with all kinds of other guys. Lest Tricia be the only one getting a bad rap in his fantasies, he also mentally slams whoring whore Jessica, who is kissing a soccer player and thus has never known real love.

He follows up these absolutely unhypocritical thoughts by making out with Cara while pretending she's Tricia.

Jess is thrilled. Clearly, Steven has gotten over Tricia and will now start dating the right kind of people. Steven, on the other hand, isn't Cara's biggest fan, and feels dead inside, a condition he hopes to correct with hot cocoa. Mr. Wakefield also espouses the merits of hot cocoa in helping one not feel dead inside. Elsewhere, Tricia thinks, "Is all of this death talk annoying anyone else? No? Just me? Okay."

At school the next day, Liz runs into Tricia, who looks even more like death warmed over. Liz can't fathom why, but she guesses it has something to do with Tricia's friend – yeah, that's it, friend – who happens to be in the hospital for some unnamed condition. Cara and Jess show up on cue to be complete bitches to Tricia, and Liz gets so mad that she stalks off in a huff, leaving Tricia alone with the two of them. She thinks (direct quote):

[Tricia's] eyes betrayed the emotion she was feeling. They were huge and sad, glittering with tears. What was she thinking? Elizabeth wondered.

If it were me, I'd be thinking how much it sucked to be the tragically dying girlfriend of a guy whose psycho sister had convinced him I was a whoring whore. But since it's Tricia, and you can't die tragically in SVH without being a saint besides, she's actually thinking about how she, like Steven, feels dead inside. Get some hot cocoa, Trish. I hear it helps.

Elsewhere, Liz meets up with Todd. After the narrator takes time out to lovingly discuss Todd's "six feet of muscle," Liz and Todd discuss the troubling situation at hand. Liz is a devout Steven/Tricia 'shipper, and is less than pleased with the idea of whoring whore Cara breaking up her OTP. Todd could probably care less, but as goes Liz, so goes his nation, so he agrees with her here and there while gnawing on various parts of her anatomy.

Meanwhile, in candy striper news, Jess continues to have disastrous run-ins with Hunky Actor, leading to Liz coming up with a positively Jessican scheme to throw Jess off the scent: she'll get Hunky Actor to pretend to like Jess, assuming Jess will lose interest once Hunky Actor is no longer playing hard to get. Phase one of the plan involves Hunky Actor giving Jess roses, which is certainly guaranteed to get Jess to hate him. Good plan, Liz! After getting eyeballed once again by Creepy Carl, Liz drops in on another patient, who turns out to be – shocker! – Tricia.

Finally, it occurs to Liz that Tricia might actually be sick, and not, say, a big ol' whoring whore. After a lot of crying on Tricia's part, Liz finally starts to feel like a jerk, and tries to atone by spending the drive home praying that Steven isn't really interested in that whoring whore Cara.

Liz spends the next few days moping around and not doing her homework, until Enid sees her (for the first time in days, apparently), immediately deduces that something is wrong, and gets Liz to admit to having a horrible, shocking secret she's promised not to tell anyone. Enid oh-so-subtly points out that Liz has to tell someone, surely, because maybe telling someone will make her feel better. Liz agrees … and ditches Enid to go tell Mr. Collins.

In the newspaper office, Liz reflects on how hot Mr. Collins is, and how nice he is, and how he's generally Sweet Valley's barometer of humanity. Mr. Collins in turn gets a good look at Liz's teary eyes and takes her to his office – so that he can ask her a favor, laying the groundwork for the next book's B plot. Touched by this display of generosity and depth of feeling, Liz bursts into tears and confesses everything. Mr. Collins essentially tells her that she should do what she thinks best, because she always knows what's best for other people. Oh-so-shockingly, Liz thinks this is great advice.

Back in candy striper land, Hunky Actor takes Liz's plan to throw Jess off one step further, and proposes to her. In a rare display of sanity, Jess flips out on him and takes off, which is nonetheless portrayed as Liz being wily and Jess being fickle.

Later, Liz spends the dinner hour staring across the table at Steven, hoping she'll have an opportunity to talk to him about Tricia before he goes off on a date with Cara. She doesn't say a word to him at dinner, doesn't try to take him aside, doesn't even ask him to talk to her before he leaves; she just stares, because staring can make wishes come true. When Steven takes off to pick up Cara without consulting Liz first, Liz is devastated. If only that whoring whore Cara weren't in the picture! It's all Cara's fault!

Steven takes Cara to a college party, where his friends assume she's Tricia. Steven himself is no longer fantasizing that Cara is Tricia; rather, he's ignoring Cara entirely (as they slow dance) in favor of reminiscing about how awesome Tricia is. When Cara refers to them as "a couple," Steven has a complete freak-out right in the middle of the party, and starts yelling at her over the music. How dare she think they're a couple, just because they've been on dates and made out a few times? How dare she think he would trade Tricia in for her? Doesn't she realize that he loves Tricia, and doesn't give a crap about her? He tops this rant off by informing her that he would never, ever date her, and then (direct quote):

A grim smile touched Steven's lips as he strode out of the party, Cara trailing angrily at his heels. In a funny way he felt better than he had in weeks.

Gotta love those sweet, caring Wakefield genes.

Elsewhere, Jess has recovered from her brief lapse into sanity, and has decided to accept Hunky Actor's proposal after all. Liz panics and tries to convince her not to accept, but chickens out of just owning up to the trick she pulled on Jess. Thus, Jess goes to Hunky Actor and announces that she'll marry him after all, an idea that literally makes Hunky Actor laugh until he cries. Jess has a five-second fit of rationality in which she remembers that, hey, she thought the whole idea was creepy to begin with, and then convinces him to let her on his TV show with that potent Jessica Wakefield mix of two parts guilt trip and one part blackmail.

Liz finally gets around to telling Steven that Tricia is dying. Heartbroken, Steven runs off to Tricia's house, taking time out to notice how messy the place is (cigarette butts and liquor bottles everywhere, just in case we'd forgotten that her family is undesirable ) and how beautiful she is, even as she's dying (has anyone in SV ever died unattractively?) before admitting that he knows. They hug, cry, and reflect on how awesome it is that Liz always knows what's best for other people and how funny it is when Steven is a jerk to other women. (Direct Steven quote: "Cara's not so bad … from about a mile away.")

Finally, we wrap by having Liz getting kidnapped by Creepy Carl, thus setting up the plot of book thirteen, the cleverly titled Kidnapped!.