Entry tags:

recapper: strangerface, sweet valley high

weet Valley High #63: The New Elizabeth
So, this is the second book in which one of the twins becomes “new.” You'll recall number 32 was “The New Jessica.”

It's Liz's turn this time. But for those of you who think the old Liz was terrible might not want to get too excited...

Elizabeth has gotten a perm. It's all part of Liz's new plan to be spontaneous. Lila is mocking her, as anyone would. I guess when I think of perms I think of my grandmother. I don't think perms are spontaneous. As I recall, you have to sit in that chair for awhile. Liz also plans to go to a museum that afternoon. Lila thinks that's hilarious as far as things that are supposed to be adventurous go. Liz is annoyed and decides to do something else instead.

After looking at some adventure magazines, Liz goes to a supporting goods store and sort of wanders around. She thinks about hang gliding and scuba diving, but when the salesperson tells her the prices of those things, Liz is shocked. I can't help but wonder: Didn't they have tags? Can't she read? Liz leaves the store. She sees a flier for surfing lessons and decides to do that instead. I think the flier was just to prove to me she can read.

Her lessons take place at an area called Moon Beach, which is north of Sweet Valley so none of her friends will happen upon her. Liz meets four Big Mesa students who work at the clubhouse: Sammy, Dave, Laurie MacNeil and Sean Blake. Sean is to be Liz's instructor, and he's doing it for free. See, he's got a bet going with the other guys that he can teach anyone (ie Liz) well enough that they can “place” in the Moon Beach Surfing Competition. How contrived.

Except Laurie had a crush on Sean and now she's jealous. She thinks Liz is just too pretty and too outgoing (what?) and that she'll steal Sean away from their budding romance. Laurie's never surfed either, even though she works at the beach. But now she thinks she'll start trying just to show off to Sean. Doing things because a boy might possibly like it is always the best reason to start a dangerous hobby!

Liz and Todd have a boring-sounding (of course!) date planned for Tuesday, but that's the day she's to start her surfing lessons. Liz lies to Todd and tells him she's working on a marine biology project at Moon Beach.

Sean begins his lesson by telling Liz about “pearling” which is when the board shoots up and hits you n the head. It's how most surfing fatalities happen! I think it's a really good instructional technique to tell her exactly how she's going to die right up front! Liz practices on her knees for awhile (that sounds dirty). And then Sean does a demonstration in which he “hangs ten.” Liz has never heard of hanging ten before. Jesus, she really never gets out does she? Weren't there like 500 surfing movies in the 80's and she never went to one of them?

After her next lesson, Sean invited Liz to see his collection of surfboards. I snigger at that a little bit. I'm sure it's not the surfboards he wants to show her. He tries to get her to come inside his house and make outwatch movies but she says no. She thinks he is dating Laurie so is confused about his behavior.

Meanwhile, Todd called three times while Liz is away. Todd is a stalker.

At the next lesson, Sean talks about reefs and riptides. Liz doesn't know what a riptide is. I throw my hands up in exasperation. I could understand her not knowing if she lived in Kansas or something, but she goes to the beach every other book. Liz knows nothing about nothing, yet she's the smart one.

When Liz gets home, Ned tells her about a legal case he has involving a surfer who was dragged out to sea by a riptide and drowned. His family is suing the beach because they had no warning signs. He says he thought she'd be “interested” in the case but since as far as he knows she doesn't surf and she didn't know what a riptide was until five seconds ago, I don't see how that can be the case. I think Ned just likes to tell his children all the horrible ways you might die.

Liz invites Todd to a “presentation” at the Marine Biology Center the day of the big surfing competition. She makes it sound so dull I'm surprised Todd doesn't tell her he's washing his hair that day.

At the next lesson, Sean gives her a present: it's a charm in the shape of a surfboard. Then he tries to snog her. Liz asks him about Laurie and he says they're not dating, why? And then Liz tells him about Todd. I find it surprising she never mentioned Todd before. According to the exposition this is 10 days later. She should've at least mentioned him in passing. Unless she's just a giant tease leading him on....

Laurie, of course, overhears Sean saying he's not interested in her, and cries. But she'll show them all! She'll win the contrived surfing thing! Just you wait!

It rains the next day, so Liz can't go surfing. Instead she invites Todd over to play board games. ...And that's not a euphemism for anything. Most boring SVH couple ever!

The next day, the ocean is rocky so the waves are really big. Liz is afraid but decides she has to do it in case the waves are like that the day of the competition. Sean gives her advice that makes me laugh. He says if she goes underwater, go to the light. Hah! He means swim toward the sky, obviously, but can't help thinking of the other meaning. Go to the light, Liz! It'll be so peaceful there!

Then there's a big wave and she's knocked under water. Sean saves her. I won't bother going into too much detail because we've all seen Baywatch. There's mouth-to-mouth and hugging. Afterwards, Sean asks Liz out again but she says she has a date with Todd. He offers to drive her home since she nearly died and all, but when they get to Calico Drive, Todd is already there. So Liz makes Sean drop her off at a neighbor's house. Because that's not suspicious at all.

Todd all pissy because she's late. He tells her he's working on a special project too and it's way more important than their date. Then he slams the door behind him, maturely. Liz thinks he saw Sean's car and is mad at her. She cries. Even the new Elizabeth cries a lot.

At school, Todd's still pissed. He asks her who the guy was. And she says he's a research partner. And Todd says, “why'd he drop you off at the end of the street then?” Good question, Wilkins! She says everything will be explained at the “presentation.” I don't see why she can't just tell Todd she's taking surfing lessons. It would still be a surprise for everyone else!

Liz goes surfing again and doesn't die. Apparently this is cause for celebration, because Sean wants to take her out again. He offers to let her use his fancy-expensive board for the competition. Seems silly if she's used to her crappy one.

Nobody at Sweet Valley wants to go to Liz's marine biology presentation. And, really, who would? They all think it's about seaweed or something. She has to strong arm even Todd and Jessica into it. Lila mentions that there's supposed to be a surfing competition that same day! Imagine! Jess thinks she'll go because there will be cute boys. Oh, Jessica, you never change.

At Liz's last lesson, she learns how to hang ten. Yawn.

On the day of the competition, Liz overhears Laurie telling a friend she doesn't think she can beat Liz. And she's upset too because she thought it was the only way to get Sean's attention. Doesn't anyone just ask someone out in Sweet Valley?

The announcers say Elizabeth's name and all the SVH kids are like “our Elizabeth Wakefield?!” but there she is! Surfing. It's very anti-climatic. I wanted someone to at least do a spit-take. Liz thinks she could easily win the competition (with just a few lessons?) but she decides to wipe out on purpose. Um, to get Sean and Laurie together? It only makes sense in Liz's head, I think.

Laurie wins. Sean goes to congratulate her. Liz thinks her mission is accomplished. Shrug.

Bill Chase, the surfer dude from previous books, comes up and asks Liz why she wiped out on purpose. Apparently Bill is really great and can tell these things. One wonders why Sean couldn't if he's the instructor?

Then we never hear about Liz surfing ever again!


Last book (#62: Who's Who), Jessica signed up for a “computer dating service” and made up two personalities. One of them was Daniella Fromage and the other was, wait for it, Magenta Galaxy. Jessica is furious to discover that Caroline Pearce has told the whole school about it! I don't see how she could not tell the whole school about Magenta Galaxy! it sounds like some third rate super heroine. Or possibly the name of a very cheap kind of lipstick.

Jessica finds out that Caroline dented her parents' car and has to work at a place called Unique Boutique to earn the money for repairs. So Jessica's master plan is to go into the store and be totally obnoxious and demanding! And Carloine will have to put up with it or she'll get fired! Ugh. I really hate that plan. I hope Jessica ends up on customers_suck.

One day she goes with Lila and irritates Caroline. Then she goes again with Amy. This time she purposefully spills a drink on Caroline and tells her manager that Caroline is being rude to her and gets her in trouble. Then she goes again with Lila, and the manager makes Caroline carry their bags out to the car. But it's raining, and Jessica and Lila don't share their umbrellas, so Caroline is soaked.

At school, Caroline tells everyone that they really need to come to Unique Boutique!

Jessica, like an idiot, goes that day to harass Caroline. But Caroline tricks her into a changing room and takes her clothes. When Jessica is left in her underwear, Caroline quits. She's made all the money she needs to fix the dent. She storms out—with Jessica's clothes. Haha.

Foreshadowing for Next Book: Steven's following in Liz's footsteps and decided to take hang gliding lessons. They go to the mall and in Unique Boutique is a girl who looks just like Tricia Martin! Steven's tragically dead from leukemia girlfriend! Steven asks her out even though he has a girlfriend, Cara Walker. Find out how it all goes down in #63: The Ghost of Tricia Martin.

God, there seem to be an awful lot of people in Sweet Valley who look just like other people in Sweet Valley, no?