Written By: Perriwynkkle (Megan)
Length: Chapter One of....unknown
Rating: PG (for language)
Genre: Romantic dramadey
Disclaimer: I do not own Jae or Min, though I wish I did. Story idea is mine, no stealers pleasers.
DBSK have broken up long ago, and Jaejoong is alone and forgotten on New Year's Eve, and as the rain falls, memories are brought back to the surface and feelings projected to the masses once again.
This is my first time writing from this view, I have never really liked writing in first person but it was the only way I thought the idea of this story could come through. So please be easy on my writing since I do not have a BETA, I always edit my own stories...so yeah, be nice kudasai.
It was New Year’s Eve, and here I was, Jaejoong Kim, completely and utterly alone, not to mention broke. Why did life always seem to throw me things at the times I didn’t need them? It was raining, and I’m not talking about a little drizzle here, I am talking pouring, soaking through your clothes rain that chills you straight to the bone. Walking through it on New Year’s Eve was only making the hurt in my heart strengthen. The boots I were wearing were squishing with the water that had accumulated though the canvas and into my socks; my short brown hair was plastered to my body and weighed more than my whole body at this point. I had been wearing a black sweatshirt, which was soaked and wasn’t protecting me from Mother Nature’s watery tears much anymore. My army pants were soaked to the knees from when I had stepped in the black street puddles.
I was, to blatantly put it, fucking miserable.
To tell you how I got into this mess would be a LONG story. Here is the shorter, less aggravating list of events that led up to me walking penniless, homeless and wet in the rain. It all started at the end, the end of the singing career I had had with a group called Dong Bang Shin Ki. We were on top of the world, our albums and photo books raking in the money, that fan girls screaming and following us, our bodies draped in Gucci jackets and the shining silver chains of popularity. I was fifteen when I started, by now I was 26 years old, my singing career was hopelessly gone, and the dreams of what seemed like my past life haunted me every sun down. Once the fun was over, I had nothing to do, no performances, no photo shoots, no anything; I was mostly using my time waxing my beloved Ferrari I had bought when I had money. I was soon told to move on by my boss and band-mates, forbidden to return to SM Entertainment’s glossy halls of marble. I think that was the first time I was really, actually, scared. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, all I knew was singing, all I ever wanted to do was sing and perform. Now they were taking it all from me, throwing away the only thing I was ever good at. Lee Soo Man gave me 3 months to clear out my things from the company apartment, find a job, and get an place to stay. I did just that. I packed up my meager amount of belongings into a taxi and left that same day, no need to wait for the inevitable. I didn’t need 3 months…goddamnit I could find my way easily. I found a motel in Seoul and stayed there until I found a job at a greasy diner as a bus boy, and rented out a dingy, studio apartment. By the end of a month, I was no longer the person I had used to be. I used to be happy, I used to be content, and now all I was was a walking, talking normal person. But I was hollow inside, I had no mind of my own, I had no heart, and I had no life. After about four months on the job I quit, I hated that place and people there, they treated me like shit, and I wanted out. Couldn’t they remember who I used to be? I used to be bigger than them dammit, I used to be a superstar, but why should they remember, there are bigger things to look towards now. Soon after that, I lost the apartment, I gave away most of the things I owned and took to the streets. Now, here I was…alone, wet, and miserable on New Years Eve.
Hungry, cold, thirsty and wet. Those words send chills through my spine, cause I knew, sadly, I couldn’t have any of those needs served. It had stopped raining and now I was freezing cold from the nippy winter air blowing through my rain soaked clothing. It had to be past midnight because just a few minutes before I had heard the sound of fireworks coming from between the cold, iron buildings of downtown. I needed to find a place to stay; I would never survive a night outside in the condition I was in. But where would I go? There was no one I really knew well enough to ask to stay with. Except…maybe, just maybe…Changmin still lived here. I had heard before I left the apartment in a rush that Changmin had been thrown out as well and had wanted to join a University somewhere here in Seoul. I prayed to god that he meant Kayung University as I went up to a nearby 7-11 and looked in the ratted, old phonebook hanging from the pay phone outside of the dimly lit store.
“Shim Changmin where are you?” I whispered silently to myself as I flipped through the thin, yellow pages.
Suddenly my eyes went wide, there he was! There was his name printed small in shining black ink on the grimy yellow page.
Shim Choikang Changmin
101 Saiyoong Street
Seoul, S. Korea
I was so happy at that moment that I almost closed the book from jumping around; I had also proceeded to make the cashier worried making him come from the inside of the store to look outside and stare at me with wide, worried eyes.
“You okay man?” the pizza faced boy asked me as I stopped jumping around, laughing like a hyena. “Do you need anything?”
I smiled, “Yes actually, do you have a pen I could borrow?” The boy smiled back at me and handed me a pen after replying with a silent “yea.”
As soon as I had written down Changmin’s address and phone, I figured out which direction to go and almost started running towards some (hopefully) open arms.
I couldn’t believe my luck! Shim Changmin, my old friend and mate from back in the band times lived here in Seoul and I had never thought to contact him! After I had left the apartment I had never even tried once to contact my old band-mates, they were probably better off without me anyways.
I felt a little twinge of fear then, what if Changmin didn’t accept me, what if he thought I was just being spoiled? If you want to know a secret, I have secretly loved Changmin ever since I first met him, but he would never want to know that. If he did he would most likely pull out a big AK-47 and shoot me strait through the face. I’d never told anyone of the band that I was gay; I figured it might ruin the closeness we had developed through the years.
So as I stood silently outside of Changmin’s apartment door I couldn’t help but get a huge case of the butterflies. Somehow, I willed my hand to go out and ring the button, sending a happy chime ringing through the apartment. I stood there silent for a minute, listening for any kind of sound to come from the inside of the apartment.
There was none.
Getting up the courage I once again pushed the doorbell button with shaking hands and waited for the answer. Soon I heard the soft sound of footfall approaching the door, I could have sworn my heart was about to leap from my chest.
The door opened, and there Changmin stood, hair up in all angles and eyes glassy. I guessed he must have just woken up, probably the reason he hadn’t answered the door the first time.
“Jae? Jaejoong?” came Changmin’s groggy voice from inside the lit doorway. I stood there shivering and clattered,
“Yea…um…it’s me.” Changmin gave me a odd look of confusion and drawled,
“But why….I don’t….what?” I looked up into his face, his dark brown eyes now wide awake and staring at me with confusion and pity.
“Happy New Year!” I said as enthusiastically as I could, being in my predicament.
Changmin rolled his eyes and stepped out of the doorway, leaving space for me to enter into the dimly lit hallway behind him. I happily accepted the invitation and walked in quickly, as Changmin shut the door behind me and locked it. I just stood in the hallway like a statue as he turned and looked at me again, his eyes staring at my state of dress. Soon his dark eyes went soft and he smiled at me, I realized then how much I had missed that warm gesture.
“So can I ask Jaejoong? Why in gods name are you here and why the hell were you walking around the city at 2:00 in the morning?” I looked down at the floor, his eyes could see right through me and I was being more than a little transparent. I didn’t want to tell him about how I ended up here, it was shameful and pathetic. He would laugh at me. So I said nothing and just stood there silent, trying to hide behind my transparent glass. We stood there silent for a minute, the air between us thick with nervous tension. I chanced a glance up at his face, and once I did I regretted it. There he was, staring strait into my face, seeming to try and see through my soul.
“Jae…either you tell me why you’re here or I will send you back to wherever you came from.” Hearing those stern words of banishment made me want to cry, why was he being so cold. I still stared into those beautiful brown eyes as I answered his question, telling him the entire story of how I had come to arrive at his apartment, and why I was asking to stay with him.
Soon after I finished, Changmin walked up to me and did one thing I thought would never happen…he hugged me. He hugged me like I was dieing, and I hugged him back. I had missed him over the years I had been gone, I had truly missed him to where sometimes it hurt to think about him.
Changmin broke the hug first by patting me on the back, taking my hand to lead me into the small living space of his apartment that was connected to a small kitchen. He told me to sit down on his couch while he made me some coffee and something to eat. It gave me a chance to look around his apartment. The living room was right in front of the kitchen and the first room you would come into from the small front hallway. Past the living room to the left was another small hallway that led to two rooms, probably the bathroom and Changmin’s bedroom. To the left of the living room was a small closet covered by sliding wicker doors. All of the walls were painted white with light blue trim and all the doors a light tan color. He had no decorations except for some pictures on the far wall of the living room and a small TV stand adorned with little trinkets kept from years past. It was a very small apartment, but it still had an open air to it from the way it was decorated to seem un-cluttered. I smiled softly to myself while I sunk slowly into the soft, tan leather of the couch.
“Okay, sorry that took so long! Here is your coffee, and I’ll be right back with some dry clothes. You must be freezing in those.” Changmin rambled as he walked about the apartment after setting down my coffee on the coffee table in front of the couch. I picked up the steaming mug of the strong black liquid and took a small sip, instantly I felt a little warmer. I was taking another sip when Changmin came back into the living room carrying a pile of clothing.
“You can wear these, I never do, and they are too dark for me. You can change in the bathroom at the end of the hall to the right.” I looked down at the black and red cloth lying limply in his hands and smiled, knowing then that I would soon be warm and cozy inside the dry clothing that smelled delightfully like Changmin.
Once I had changed, Changmin came to check if the clothing fit me all right. They were a little tight, but other then that I was completely comfortable in them. Changmin smiled at my reflection in the mirror as I stood in front of the clear glass, inspecting the damage. Changmin had given me a tight black t-shirt, red zip-up hoodie sweater, and low-hanging dark-washed jeans with a pair of white Nike socks to warm my feet. I smiled back, just as warmly. As I turned Heero looked out to the kitchen area and pointed a slim finger towards the closet I’d inspected earlier,
“I put your clothes in the washer so we could get the grime out of them…I hope that is okay.” I smiled even wider; it was nice that he had been thinking of my old clothing.
I started to say thanks when a thought came to me,
“Wait, how did you get my clothes if they had been on the bed while I changed?” Changmin blushed, another thing I remembered seeing him do when the fan girls screamed or when I decided to “accidentally” kiss him on the cheek,
“Uhm, I came in while you were changing and took them….I think it’s the stealth training, which is why you probably couldn’t see or hear me.”
I felt skeptical about the training part since we had taken the class together, trying to avoid fan girls, “Yeah, right.” I replied as Changmin and I walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. I swear, Changmin wouldn’t stop looking at me…he just wouldn’t stop staring and it was getting on my nerves. What, did I have a big smudge of dirt on my face or something? We sat there in silence for a while, the only sound coming from the constant humming of the washing machine. I looked over at Changmin who was now looking out two big glass sliding doors which led out to a small balcony and out to a sparkling city view. I hadn’t realized that I had walked that far! I was now by the suburbs, when I had been downtown! A warm glow started to grow on the horizon and began to fill the little apartment with a yellow-gold haze. Sunrise, a brand new day.
“You have a great view Min; this apartment must have been worth an arm and a leg.” I stated as I drew my legs up underneath me. Changmin kept his eyes on the view outside the thin glass,
“Yeah, but it was worth every penny! I love it here, just enough room for me.” Changmin smiled at the rising sun in the distance and turned to me, his face glowing with healthy light, his eyes twinkling with mischief. I stared back at him, face flushed pink from the warmth of his presence.
“Jaejoong, you have no idea how happy I am to see you.” Changmin stated and I sat stunned by his admittance. My mouth gaped open like a fish,
“R-Really? Well, I am glad to see you too Min…I thought you had left for America after we were relieved of our contract. I thought you were going to study there…why didn’t you?” Changmin nodded and continued, still smiling,
“Well, I had heard a lot about American being a very nice place to live and study, being it is a lot like Korea with the weather and all. But I also heard they had a great College here with the same English program, so I decided to stay here to study. Now I am holding down a job as a Library Tech downtown and studying for my major at the same time. I get good pay at the library, I am one semester from graduating, and I am still only 24…it is crazy!” I nodded, yeah it sure was crazy.
“Way better then my life so far.” I answered to his smiling face, which suddenly turned pitiful.
“Jae, I am really sorry about what has happened to you the past few years…I mean, I honestly thought you had it good somewhere else and didn’t want to talk to any of us ever again.” I stared at Changmin for a second in disbelief.
“What do you mean “had it good?” I asked, my left eyebrow rolling high on my forehead.
“I mean, living the good life. A big house, a beautiful wife, kids running on the grassy lawn, barbeques before the big game….things like that.” Changmin replied with a serious tone. I couldn’t believe what he was hearing from my old friend.
“Well, here is the remix of that…A big house, more like a hole in the wall. Kids, no way I had those, or at least not that I know of.” Changmin and I smiled at the comment and I went on with my monologue. “Grassy lawn, or in other words, dead window herb garden. Barbeques, I was never able to use those, I had no place for a BBQ grill. And watching the game sounds boring, I don’t really like football anyhow. There, does that explain it all?”
Changmin shook his head while smirking; I just stared at the floor in embarrassment at how much information I had instantly confessed.
“Wow Jaew….I had no idea you had had it so hard. If I had, I would have let you stay with me or something.” My ears perked at Min’s reply.
“Really? You would?” I asked loudly with wide eyes. Changmin chuckled, so not his old self, his seriousness was what made him who he was. I would have to question about him about his changed attitude later, now didn’t seem the time, since we had just started talking again.
“Yes really! It would have been fun living together, I mean, we’ve done it before remember?” Changmin answered and my curiosity peaked, I had to know what had made him so different since the war. He wasn’t acting like the old Changmin, the one I had grown accustomed to over the many years in the spotlight. He was no longer stoic, slightly mean, and harsh tongued.
He seemed, oddly enough, emotionally stable!
Smiling, chuckling, and hugging hadn’t been daily occurrences for Changmin when we had been perused by paparazzi and cameras.
I pretended to be infatuated with a run in my sock as I mumbled,
“Changmin, why are you acting this way?” Changmin looked at me, puzzled by my question. I didn’t look up from my sock string.
“How come you are normal? What happened to the old Min I once knew?” I looked up now and saw a look on Changmin’s face I couldn’t disconcern. My heart was beating rapidly for the second time that night and I was afraid I had hurt or offended him. His lips moved, but nothing came out from between the soft peaks. As he stumbled again on the words he slammed his hand down on his thigh as if frustrated and eyed him curiously. What the hell was wrong with him?
After he composed himself he looked at me, his brown irises once again boring into my skull through my own two orbs. I felt naked under his gaze; all my emotions open on my face.
“Listen Jaejoong….after I left our old life behind, I didn’t really know what I was. I was raised and born to sing and perform for the business, not myself. I wasn’t here to be a mere pawn for money, it just happened to end up this way. After you and everyone else had moved on I went to the University and asked them to help me find a quiet job, one I could work at while I went to college. After I entered into my major, I decided I needed help…I was in a bad situation Jaejoong. At the moment that is all I will say about that. But, I went and got help, and now I am healed. The end.”
Changmin then turned away from my eyes to look out the sliding window again. I had no idea what to say to him then, it was confusing what he had told me. It wasn’t the whole story and I knew it, but I understood why he didn’t want to tell me just then. I mean, I hadn’t really spoken to him in over a year and a half, would you tell your deepest secrets to someone you might not be able to trust anymore?
So I didn’t question him, and stayed quietly attached to my sock string. We sat there for another hour silently, just sitting, watching the day arrive. But all too soon, the sun had already fully risen and the horizon had sunk into the background of playful gold shooting through crystal blue.
Comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!