seeing as this is the loveislife community, i would like to reccommend the book "The Perils of Magnificent Love", about a young girl who falls in love with a three-eared bunny. it is one of the most beautiful books ive ever read; every illustration grabs at my heart like a kiss.
well... i miss my girlfriend mary ALOT right now...
which sucks because it's 12:46 and i dont want to wake her because she has waterpolo practice tomorrow. come to think of it, i have cross country practice tomorrow at 8 in the morning...
i dont wanna go to sleep. i need mary right now. i feel bad, lke in a premonition sort of way. like something bad is goin to happen. REALLY bad. and it scares me, and im worried if maybe it might have something to do with mary. i think it does. I MISS HER.
i wish she could sleep with me, so i could just fall asleep listening to her heartbeat. just drift off, holding her and keeping her beside me.
i was scared that she would leave me for a while, just because relationships and i have never worked out. so for a while, i was afraid to voice my feelings. now though i realize how much she loves me, and im trying to be more open. im really so emoional its frightening. people tell me im so secure with these thngs or that i always say the right things to make people feel better, but im really just trying to help people because it makes me happy.
i realize that i need mary and that im so in love with her. weve been going out for four months and 16 days (haha, does tha make me seem obsessed?) and it feels like weve only been together a few days, because every time i see her its like im seeing her for the first time again, every time i kiss her its like were kissing for the first time, so longing to be completed yet cautious and gentle and yet so passionate.
i feel... no, i KNOW this relationship will work. im tired of being alone, and now i wont be. which is crazy; im only 15. what do i know about what will happen other than my stupid premonitions and dreams? what do i know about how mary will feel in a year, or two, or when we graduate?
and i guess ive considered these things. i think about it all the time. but now, i think ive taken the craziest step: im trusting her with my whole heart. and this time, i KNOW it will work, even though every one of my past experiences tells me not to let any lover inside my heart. im crazy; im in love. but they go together, right? i want to make mary the happiest person alive; i want her to feel loved and warm, secure and just... safe. im my arms. isnt that what everybody wants, deep inside?
i could choose to beleive that tomorrow, something will be missing, and that suddenly shell realize she never loved me. i cold choose to beleive that well be together for a few years and then ill suddenly find out that she cheated on me. i could choose to beleive any of these pointless "what-ifs" and be scared forever, stuck in my shell of defense against the hurt people have caused me.
but i wont. because i KNOW that she loves me, god dammit. i KNOW that this is going to work. and with every word, every letter i type, eveery word i say to her sleeping mind in my body agsint the background of swan lake in the back i grow more and more sure about this, even more than i was before, and i know, i KNOW that love, which is so rare and yet everywhere all the time, LOVE, which caused the most beautiful, loving, caring girl to pick ME of all peeple in the world, ME to share at least a small part of my life with her, replaced the anger, the angst, the fear, the so plentiful and ever-present feelings of negativity for me, for my life.
i know that. i know it, whatever the hell "it" is.
its love. the perils of magnificent love are worth it, i guess. yes, they are. because now... its like some part that was missing... well.
im in love with you, mary stirchak.