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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Evil Within's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, April 28th, 2005
10:51 am
Noise, lots of noise
I awoke, and the room was dark. My first thought was to call out for Buffy.

Buffy. My daughter. She wasn't here. And she wasn't coming back. My eyes filled up with unshed tears. She wasn't coming.


All I wanted was to hold my little girl again. I wanted nothing more than to tell her I loved her, and have her say it back. The tears finally fell down my face, first in small drops, then in rivulets. It took me quite a while to stop, and keep down my first instinct.

To go find her myself. Just to leave. They'd never notice anyway. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere anymore.

Noise. Oh goddess, was there noise coming from downstairs. Hammering, car doors slamming.

"Rupert, what's going on down there? Is everyone ok?" Well, everyone but Buffy. I stood up, not really wanting to get up, but I had ot be a part of something. I couldn't let everyone else take responsibility. It was only Rupert and I left to take care of these kids. Oh, and that strange other Brittish man.

"I'll be right down." I called, down to everyone. I had the feeling I was needed. Maybe someone needed me.
Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
2:59 pm
I had the advantage. The leverage. I had power over Faith now. Unbeknownst to my Buffy or the other slayer, I had done damage to Faith at that moment I had her. She would see me in her thoughts and most especially her dreams. She knew that I could’ve ended her life as fast as her lowlife father and whore of a mother had created her.

She was mine!

Faith knew it. She would probably go all dramatic about it too, doing the whole slayer bullshit thing. Enclosing themselves from everyone around them and thinking that they were the only one’s suffering in the world. Yes, she would soon be found in a dark corner, thinking about what I had done. Lovely.

Bolting fast for the exit, Buffy and I were left in the big mansion. But we wouldn’t stay there for long as well. There were things to be done. I was hungry and I was sure that she would be too. Maybe a lovely little girl would do for the both of us. Mmm, once she would get a taste of the innocent blood of a child, she would orgasm, among other things that would… like me of course.

There was a great deal of things I still had to teach her. A great many things that she had to see and experience and taste. See, it’s one thing seeing what vampires did through slayer eyes. It was another doing them as a vampire. She was both, the first time in the whole slayer history, if I’m not mistaken. Hah, I made history. Nothing new.

Soon we hit the sewers and immediately the nagging and whining about the sewage was filling my ears.

“ It’s only up to your feet. Why are you even walking down the river of shit when there’s a walkway on the side.” I said annoyed.

Buffy then stormed off, not knowing where she was going and clearly pissed. I quickly went after her, grabbing her arm and turning her around. I put my hands on her tempting hips, swaying them slowly as I dug deep into her eyes.

“ You’ll get used to it baby, trust me. Soon we’ll be up in the world setting this piece of shit town ablaze. And we’ll watch as we roast your friends and family alive. Promise.”

Then my eyes browsed her beautiful petite body. I slowly crouched down till I faced her hips. My hands began to roam her thighs; slowly rubbing them and making her cold body get even warmer. I left a trail of soft kisses from her stomach going all the way down. When I got closer to her spot, I stopped and stood up.

Taking her arm, I smiled evilly.

“ Your friends and family are waiting, lover. It’s time to play.”

(Tag to Buffy)
3:13 pm
I was running full out, as fast as I could toward Joyce's house. The night air was cold. Well, colder than it should be in southern California. The wind whipped through my hair and was blowing so hard that it made it hard to breathe. I kept going though. I had to. I couldn't hesitate. Not again. I didn't even look back. I just had to get to everyone.

Who was I kidding though? I couldn't protect anyone. I was lucky. I had been in Angelus's grasp. He could have snapped my neck before I could flinch. But he didn't. They don't want to kill me. They want me to suffer.

And damnit, it was working.

I can't protect the Scoobies from them. B was right. I would never be good enough. I didn't have the training or the experience that she had. I'd never faced a vamp like Angelus before. I was inexperienced and weak. I had hesitated. That hesitation could have cost me my life. And I knew that. I knew it when I did it. Deep down, I knew that I couldn't protect them all. I would fail them like I'd failed everyone before. So in that second where I hesitated, I was welcoming death. It would be better than suffering through more of my failures.

I had finally made it back to the house. I came to a stop in the driveway and doubled over in pain. I fell to my knees. The pain from running full out for so long while hardly breathing. My lungs burned. My legs ached. I was in no shape for a battle. But it was night. Play time for vamps. I had to protect them tonight. We could lock ourselves in the house all night, but then they would just go kill others. I couldn't have that. But I knew I was no match for them.

Not both of them.

Probably not even one of them.

Get a grip Faith. You'll never be able to take them on in this condition. Self-loathing never got you anywhere.

I lifted my head and stood up, ignoring the pain, and walked up to the door and into the house.

Open to Giles and Joyce
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
1:01 am
Waiting word
I made my way back downstairs, exhausted. It wasn't fair, and there wasn't one damn thing I could do about it.

My slayer, my daughter, was dead. Well, the daughter of my heart. Upstairs, the real mother was asleep, her pain greater, her claim to it greater than mine.

"Damnit!" I picked up something, not even looking and threw it across the room. Luckily, it landed on the couch, and didn't have the loud effect that may have made me feel better, but would have awoken Joyce.

A History of Vampyres that ravaged Europe. That's what I threw. It was a book that held most of the horrors Angelus had visited upon the people of Europe. And upon his own family. If memory served...

I ran to the couch, and flung open the book. My finger ran down the index, looking for a cross-reference: Angelus and family.

Angelus, known for the worst murders in the history of Europe, next to the human (or so we think) Adolph Hitler (who granted, killed more people) started in one, very small town in Northern Ireland. It is said that his first real series of killing started with his own family, taking his little sister first, and leaving his father for a final meal.

"Shit!" I grabbed the phone, dialing a cell number I thought I had for Willow. We needed to make is safer in the house, or Buffy and Angelus could enter at any time.

And start with her family.

Current Mood: scared
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
5:56 pm
Okay. So we finally managed to get Willow and Xander to and into my car. But the dorky guy with the glasses, who was he? I raised my brows and glanced at him in the passenger seat, as I started the car.

Driving down the road in silence at first, I paused, thinking.

"Okay. Would anyone mind telling me what the hell is going on? I leave town for what, all of three days or whatever and I get back and there's two people in the back of my car who need medical attention and you British guy sitting next to me. Why is Oz fighting Buffy instead of helping her? What did I miss?"

I continued down the road, taking a sharp right turn. I swear, when we graduate, I am soo out of here. This town has gotten to weird even for me. I mean, hello hellmouth? And now Oz and Buffy and Angel .. ooh. Is Angel evil again?

Uh-oh. Last time we dealt with this, not too many of us made it out uhm, unhurt? And I couldn't drive my car because hello, he was invited into it. Ohh. This sucked!

[Wes, Xander, Willow .. you know, the crowd in Cord's car]
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
5:08 pm
I was right? Well, there's something you didn't expect to hear coming from Faith-y's mouth. Not unless it was...ah, of course. Followed by a smartass remark. One that I was not not counting on. It would have left me suspicious and surprised had she not added that little quip at the end.

My walking ceased entirely. My hands in plain sight, incase she was now the one suspecting anything. Only thing my hands did were smooth out the blood and dirt stained gown barely hanging onto my body.

But before anything witty, Faith seemed to have genuinely let part of her emotions out. Intentionally or not. That, or I was seriously reading her wrong this time. Did her voice take on such a heart breaking tone when she asked if that's why I let him take me?

And for some strange little fucked up reason; I have no clue as to why, I actually felt a twinge of regret for making her sad. What the fuck was that about?! I didn't have a soul stuffed inside me because I was too goddamn arrogant and stupid in messing with gypsies. A fluke, is all. Just a minor fluke left to only disappear by once having had a soul. That's all. Nothing major. No need to freak out.

Well, back to Faith at hand.

She thought she was better at being the Slayer than I was? "Faith, I'm still the Slayer. Only as to what team I'm rooting for, well, that's the only thing that's changed. You aren't THE Slayer. You were never meant to be. It's fate, Faith. You aren't the best. I am. I was and still am, really. You can boost your ego all you like. You would have slipped somewhere down the line and royally mess up. But you're right on something, though. I'll give you that." All the malice came to a stop in my voice. Letting it drop to a soft and lulling one. "That's why I let him take me. I lost Angel. I wasn't sure how, but I knew I did. I couldn't kill him again, so, I let him kill me."

Tears welled to the surface, clouding my vision over just barely. I could still see as good and proper as any hunter. My prey still right in sight. I tried to press trembling lips together, to keep from sobbing out. Tears were always a perfomance enhancer... and suddenly, that sounds a lot more perverted than I never intended it to be. For now the tears would do. Letting me leave her to react.

Then, when she least expected it, I'd spit the venom right back into her pretty face.

(Tag Faith, or anyone left inside the mansion.)
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
11:43 pm
It couldn't be...
My daughter can't be dead. Nor can she be a vampire. I just won't accept it!

Giles and Faith nearly carried me up to my room, but is that really a surprise? How many other mothers would take it even this calmly? Well, that and a valium or two. I looked at Rupert, and I wanted to hate him. I wanted to blame this all on him. After all, he was her Watcher, so therefore he was responsible. And if he'd never tried to get her to slay vampires again in the first place, she'd never have met Angel and if she'd never met Angel...

Tears start rolling down Joyce's cheeks, and she sobs audibly. Giles reaches out to hold her hand. She starts to pull away, but then grabs onto it, like it was a lifeline.

"Damn it Rupert, why is this happening? Why now? Why to my daughter? What is it about slayers?" I stared at him, and tried to stop the tears.

"When Buffy ran away, we talked about what Slayers really were. What they do. But you never told me about their life expectancies, and I didn't want to ask." I sighed, and used my other hand to wipe away the tears. Rupert looked away, but he still held onto my hand. It was comforting, and vaguely familiar in a way I didn't want to think about.

"Please Rupert, tell me that this isn't real. Tell me my little girl isn't dead. Tell me lies." I said the last with hesitation. It wasn'tn supposed to be this way. A mother shouldn't out live her child. Ever. Damn, the tears started again, and this time didn't stop.

"Lie to me," I whispered.

Current Mood: crushed
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
4:31 pm
Diving Headlong into Chaos
We were here. The mansion. Angelus's mansion. I was about to go in, and face Buffy as a Vampire along with Angelus. I never went up against him, but I've heard horror stories. One of the worst vamps ever. And with B having Slayer training and strength suddenly getting vamped and having Vampire strength. There was no way this could go well.

I slipped out of the van and moved toward the entrance. If Oz actually thought that he could keep me from dusting Angelus if given half a chance... he was in for a rude awakening. He came back as Angelus, then was sent to Hell. When he came back, B hid him. She knew he was a threat. And now look what's happened.

I scoped out the area. Looking inside, I saw Xander chained up and B and Angelus near him. At least Xander was still alive. For now. Unless this was a trap and they had sired him to. Probably not. They probably didn't know we were even here yet. I looked over at Oz. I couldn't believe that he had tried to give me orders. Why does everyone try to order me around. First I get this new Watcher and now even Oz is trying to be the boss. What's up with that.

I looked at the others. "I'm going in. Give me a minute, and then come in and get Xander the hell out of there. He's chained up. You're gunna have to get him loose somehow."

With that, I went in, not waiting for a response. I was my turn to be the leader. If Buffy was gone, I had to take her place. I had to be the leader, know what to do. And what I had to do right now, was dust the son of a bitch who should have stayed in hell.

Bursting through the doors of the mansion, I looked at Angelus, my head cocked to the side and my hand close to my stake.

"Well well. What do we have here?"

I ran at Angelus. Showtime.

open to Angelus, Buffy, Xander, Willow, Oz, and Wes if you're here
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
10:39 pm
I can't lose him.
Oz drove the way to the mansion, speeding the entire time. Inside, I urged him to go faster. Faith was on edge. I needed to be there now. I needed to know Xander was okay. He'd plunged straight into the lion's den, no thought on his mind but Buffy. I knew that.

Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked to hold them back. This wasn't the time. But if something happened to Xander....

What if he's dead? What if he's...

"Oh, God," I gasped quietly, a new thought entering my mind. What if Buffy had killed him, had sired him? What if Xander wasn't coming back, not as my Xander, but some undead version? I wouldn't be able to stand it. First Buffy, losing her, then losing Xander?

I closed my eyes and willed the thought away. It couldn't be. Buffy wouldn't, demon or not. She couldn't. And I realized that Angelus wouldn't want the competition. He'd much rather Xander die. Which in itself wasn't a comforting thought, but at least I knew Angelus wouldn't have turned him.

Goddess, what if...

And inside me, with Buffy gone, if Xander joined her...I knew there would be nothing left. I resolved at that moment to not give up, to get Xander back. No matter what. I couldn't lose him, too.

Current Mood: frantic
Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
11:36 pm
A mother's pain, a father's worry, friends and family mourn
Joyce's words slammed into me, mingling with my own guilt. We of the council were to blame. Slayers came and went, and we acted as if it were normal. Or acceptable. But Joyce was real, her pain was real, and this wasn't acceptable at all. All I could think was, if we'd never made Buffy follow her destiny she'd be here with us. If I'd let her alone in the library the first day, if only we did...what? There was nothing that would change who Buffy was, or I guess, had been. Except this:

She would look like Buffy. She would remember what Buffy knew. But a demon now lived in her body.

Joyce banged her fists into my chest and I could barely feel it through my own pain. I put my arms around her as she slid toward the ground, no longer strong, crying with the pain we all felt, only multiplied. It must hurt, knowing that her child was gone. And here I was, feeling as though I could focus on my own guilt, on my own pain, when she lost Joyce lost more than I had. She lost her daughter. I lost only a slayer. But it wasn't true. I lost the only child I'd ever have, even if she wasn't of my blood. Buffy was the child of my heart.

I was reminded of the pain we felt when Buffy ran away, and how Joyce blamed me then. And knew this time it was true. Oh dear lord, it was as bad as if I'd killed her myself. I didn't need fangs, or claws. Just books, and stern words. The world had lost it's strongest, brightest star, and I not only let it happen, but I helped extinguish that flame. It was as though I'd led her to Angelus, and said "I brought you a present. Would you like a shiny bow?"

But it was the woman in my arms who would now pay the price. Buffy was gone, she wasn't going to hurt anymore. Those of us left behind? We were crushed, mourning, hurting, tired, and left to pick up the pieces. And I didn't know if I honestly could anymore. Would it be so bad to follow her. I knew, as no one did, that I could not. It was my duty to face this, and fight, for Buffy. For Willow. For all of the. For myself. And most of all, for the woman who now keened in my arms, destroyed.

"Joyce," I whispered, "We're here." The words were as much to comfort me as they were to help her. I kept her up through sheer will alone. Dead weight in my arms, as much as the dead weight of my heart. I couldn't even imagine the pain of her's. Damn, damn, damn. We had to take care of her now, she was as much one of us as anyone, yet she'd been left on the outside, and I never thought...I was thoughtless.

I lifted her slightly, but couldn't hold her. My arms were lead, the tears leaving tracks on my face and spots in my vision where the glass was obscured by salt.

"Faith, help me get Joyce to her room. Please." I'd never asked Faith for help before. I got the feeling it was a new beginning. Even as I cried, and wanted to join Joyce, crying, upset on the floor.

This couldn't be true.
9:18 am
It was late, but that's when Devon thought his creative energy was at its peak. They always played the later clubs maybe the sleep deprivation of their audience made them sound better, that'd be a plus. It had almost been a week since I had last seen Willow, absense was never recommend right after patching up a relationship, but I had musical obligations as well. Black converse emerged from inside the van as it stepped outside on the street next to Buffy's house. A favorite hangout for the Willster when he was out of town.

Rose in hand I walked towards the door, head tilted slightly towards the ground, with every step I felt a little more guilty, I heard voices on the porch..Faith...Joyce..Giles..ah there, Willow. I sniffed searching for the scent of her farmiliar perfume, and stopped on the walk way, the air was drenched with sorrow, I inhaled the scent of her tears the tension hanging on her every word. Such a strong girl, such a wonderful girl. I waiited pondering the prediciment, layering on self guilt. What if her sorrow had stemmed from me? Was something wrong?

What if something terrible had happened to her, why hadn't I been there to help her? I jogged the rest of the way to the door, the rose forgotten on the walk way. I heard them go inside tension building hysteria near to bursting he took all the stairs in one bound and beat on the door. I was near to hypervenilating, was she alright...? I'd never forgive myself if something had happened to her. She had already gone through so much...my pulse quickened as I waited shifting my weight, the voices inside had died down to a low murmer...I beat again. "Willow?"

Current Mood: worried
Monday, March 28th, 2005
4:05 pm
Noise on the porch
"Buffy?" I called, standing. "Did you forget your key?" She did that sometimes. Although that would be pretty stupid, since I'd been out of town. Still, it happens. I flipped off the television, and headed for the door.

Still no knock. More like shuffling of feet. And talking.

"I'm on my way, who-ever is out there." I tripped over one of the gallery boxes on the way.

"Damn," I swung the door open, "Buffy I just snagged by dress on this box, and look at the size hole it left. I trust you had fun with..." I trailed off, noticing that it was not Buffy who graced my steps. Indeed.

It was Rupert, I mean Mr. Giles she blushes, to herself. Willow. Faith was here, but no one looked happy. All with some strange man I didn't know.

"What is it? What's wrong? Something is wrong with Buffy, I just know it. What, tell me what you know right now!" I'm over reacting, or I hope I am. But they are here, looking as though someone killed their puppy.

Or that someone was just dead. And Faith, maybe that meant...

"No...Buffy can't....don't you dare tell me I've lost my daughter!" They were still on the porch. But I had to know.
Saturday, March 26th, 2005
6:56 pm
So call me crazy, but I still wondered what the hell went on in Sunnyhell while I was gone. I had stopped by the Bronze, but that place was so not happening tonight, it wasn't even funny.

Sitting in my car, I grabbed my cell phone. Flipping it open, I scrolled through the missed calls list. Xander Harris. Like twenty times too. Maybe I just hadn't erased them from before or maybe he had called me while I was away.

Either way, I rolled my eyes. Just out of curiousity, and perhaps to somehow get back at him, I decided to call him. Pressing the talk button, I heard the phone ring.

His mom finally answered. "Hi. Is Xander there?" I asked, checking my hair in the mirror. His mom gave me some lame ass answer, saying he went out for a walk. Please. That could only mean he was out patrolling with Buffy and her little slayer pals. Oh boy. Time to go join the party.

I drove to the cemetary, but from what I could tell, there was nobody around. I swear, I wouldn't have even minded beating the crap out of somebdoy, that's how bad my mood was. Ech. I definately needed to find a new group of people to talk too.

[So, I didn't know who to tag. If anybody feels the need to be walking by the cemetary, join on in.]
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
11:53 am
So I found myself making that slow and painful drive to Joyce's all over again. I kept my eyes on the road, unwilling to look at Giles. I had to stay focused if I was going to stay strong. That meant eyes on the road and not looking to, talking to, or thinking about Giles. Okay so that was impossible. He was in so much pain. And then this Wesley guy shows up and acts like he couldn't give a shit what everyone here is going through. Was it a good idea to invite him with us when we went to see Joyce? I doubt it. He had about as much tact as.. Cordelia.

Oh God. Do the rest of them know? Willow? Xander? Cordelia? Do they know? Giles was a total wreck, and he only found out from the Council. Had the others seen him? They must have. They live in the library. They must know. Right?

How had it happened? Giles had been so distraught and incoherent when I found him that I just realized that I didn't even know how Buffy died. And I was sure Joyce was gunna ask. Did Giles even know?

I pulled into the driveway in front of the house. A cold chill ran down my spine. This was real. We really had to do this. Why was I even here? I was never around. But I guess now I have to be. The Hellmouth's new guardian or whatever. I put the car in park and turned it off, continuing to stare straight forward. We could do this, right? I could do this. I could do this. All of this. Telling Joyce, taking over, saving the world.. I could do it, right? What was wrong with me? I'd never doubted myself before. But I knew somewhere deep down how good of a fighter B really was. I knew it and it scared me that she had died. That's right, it scared me. But you're Faith, so buck up!

I blinked my thoughts out of my mind and looked over at Giles. "Here we go."

(open to Giles, Wesley(if you decided to join us), and eventually Joyce)
Friday, March 18th, 2005
12:48 am
This shouldn't have happened.
It's....she's....I can't believe it.

Buffy. Buffy is a vampire. A vampire. I mean, not just a vampire slayer, but a vampire vampire slayer. And does the slayer thing still have any effect on her now that she's all vampy? God.

Does Joyce know? I just...I've spent the past few days in a fog. Sort of...wandering. But I could re-soul her. Give Buffy her soul back. It's possible. I've done it before! With Angel! And then...then....

Buffy can't be gone. She just can't be....

I've got to go see Giles. I need to see him. To talk. And Faith, I need to make an effort with Faith. Because she's all we've got now, as far as slayers. I never thought I'd say this, but Faith's the good slayer. Now, at least.

I'm too close to collapsing. I need Oz. I just...I can't believe....

I can't stop looking through these books. I need to know this spell. Because I know we will find her. And everything will be fixed. Even...maybe there's something, some way to make it all better, make it like it never happened. A spell, a wish, something.

((Open to anyone in the library.))

Current Mood: numb
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
8:33 pm
Cheesy chips hell...
I downed another coke can and tossed it over to the trash can, it missed but I hardly cared. I sighed and laid down on my bed. I'd been here for two days. After Giles' ... revelation. I left the library. I haven't seen any of them since. I decided that it was my job to do something. Besides be lazy.

I grabbed up a spare stake, put on a coat and borrowed my Uncle Rory's car. I cruised the streets towards Angel's old mansion. It was up to me. Kill Angelus, knock Buffy out, let Willow re-ensoul her.

I stopped down the road and exited the vehicle holding my stake. Trembling a little I entered the mansion quietly. The fire place was still lit. I moved towards what used to be a bedroom. OK, noone. I sighed. What to do now?

Tag to Angelus/Buffy...to bust up my lonely party..

Current Mood: determined
1:39 pm
We headed home
Home. Yes. It even felt wrong, and Buffy didn't live here. I'd failed. I was supposed to be her watcher, keep her alive Instead, she was offered what had to be ugly death if we hadn't found her body yet. Wonderful thoughts Rupert. I shook my head as we walked in. The first thing I saw was the brandy decanter, but decided I'd had more than enough to drink.

"Faith, I'm going upstairs to completely change, and then coming down to shave. At that point, I feel I'll be presentable to talk to," my voice wavered just a bit. Where is that stiff upper lip? "Joyce. Feel free to make yourself comfortable."

I made it upstairs, and shirt off when I heard the phone ring.

"Faith, could you possibly get that?" I continued to change, including doing the usual personal toiletry things. My shaver for some reason, was up here. I must have charged it in here. I started to shave, knowing that Faith would let me know if there was something or someone important on the telephone.

It wa only a moment, but I looked at my eyes. They were glazed, half-dead. Shock, I suppose. My purpose in life is gone, and I have never felt quite this alone. Ever.
Monday, March 14th, 2005
4:15 pm
Just got home
It'd been a long week. I decided Buffy could stay home, and take care of herself, as I had to go on a business trip for the gallery. Buffy had been so..what word did she use..stoked. I didn't leave her the car, of course, but felt that she had done some decent maturing. Plus, well, I didn't have anyone else who could spare the time to go.

And it was exhausting. I only found 10 items that were even worthy of the gallery, out of several thousand, and four silent auctions. But I was home now, and when I walked in the door, I realized just how home this place really was now. LA seemed like a distant, and mostly bad dream. Sunnydale was home.

"Buffy, are you here?" She wasn't. The house even felt alone. Almost like she hadn't been here for days. Maybe she stayed with Willow?

I wandered around, putting things away. And went to the fridge, I needed something to drink. Long drive, yadda yadda.

"Weird," I said aloud, "the date on the milk is three days ago. Buffy never lets it go that long, and would never leave it in the fridge. Used to complain it made the rest of the food taste bad." I shook my head. This didn't make sense. I decided I needed to call Willow, or someone. Perhaps Mr.Giles.

I tried his home first. "What is wrong with that man? No answering machine???" I slammed the phone down, and tried the library. Still no answer.

My heart was beating like a drum, as I tried to calm down.

Sinking into the couch, I turned on the TV and absently flipped through a few channels. That girl was going to be in a world of trouble when she got home.
3:48 pm
Time to play nice with the Scoobies?
So I figure I probably oughta play nice with Buffy and the super friends. I mean, I'm a good guy too. We're all good guys here. No need for drama. I don't see a need for me to make things worse around here. Things are already really bad, this being a Hellmouth and all. Yeah, okay, so I thought things would be a little better for me when I got here, but oh well. All I ever hear about is how awesome B is, and how many times she's saved the world, blah blah. I don't care. I could do that. But does anyone ever ask me to? Does anyone let me in on what's going on? Not so much. Ever since B and I had a little falling out about the fact that she was harboring Angel, a known murderer, we haven't really been tight. I've been doing a lot of just 'blowing-off-steam-patrolling' lately. Haven't come to the school in a long time. And yet here I am.

I walked through the halls with a purpose. I was headed to the library. I had no need for anything else here. Looking around at the people here made me so happy that I had gone and dropped outta school. All the little boys and girls with their gossip and their stress over tests.. Who needs it? Not me. Plus, come on. Who needs a job when you got the Slayer gig. Most Slayers don't live past like twenty-five. I obviously plan to live longer, but it's a big commitment. No time for college and big full time jobs. So why would I need to bother with the high school scene?

I hadn't seen B anywhere in the halls. Or Xander or anyone, for that matter. But that's not really all that weird. They're probably all hanging in the library like always. Don't know how they manage to not drop out with how much they skip. Whatever.

There's the library. Time to put on a happy face and play nice.

(open to anyone in the library)
Friday, March 11th, 2005
3:35 pm
So. Aspen, as it turns out, was a total bust. And when I say total, I mean completely and totally horrible. Harm had ended up coming on the trip with us because Daddy ended up having to stay behind and doing business. Or what not. Whatever, it's not like I get involved with that.

So, to the plane ride. We ended up being snowed in. That's right, we were *snowed in* in Sunnydale. Can you believe how totally unfair that is?? The one time (well okay, one time this year) that we actually get to go to Aspen and it decides to snow in Sunnydale?? I'm not even going to ask what that was all about.

So we stayed home for Christmas, for the first time in .. I don't even know how long. But hopefully, if everything works out right, I should be driving down to Los Angeles. Which is exactly what I need to do to forget Harris. Because hi, so over him. And this Sunnydale scene.

Exactly how long is it until graduation?? It so can not come fast enough.
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